


Lily Evans and the Head Boy

by roaraf



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Canon Compliant, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Hogwarts, Marauders' Era, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-03
Updated: 2016-11-03
Packaged: 2018-08-28 19:31:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 79,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8460247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roaraf/pseuds/roaraf
Summary: Lily Evans's final year at Hogwarts gets off to a bit of a rough start. Between NEWTs, her Head Girl duties, her ruined friendship with Severus Snape, and the obnoxiously dreadful Head Boy James Potter, she has little time to think about the looming threat of He Who Must Not Be Named and the evils that lurk outside the walls of the castle.As the challenges that face the Wizarding World become more of a part of Lily's life, she comes face-to-face with a side of James she's never seen before and an unlikely partnership develops between them. Confronted with dangers beyond their years, Lily, James and their friends grow together into the courageous witches and wizards of the Order of the Phoenix.Starts just before Lily and James's 7th year and ends shortly after they leave Hogwarts.





	1. Badges, Birds and Bad News

Lily Evans's seventh year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry was fast approaching.

She had spent most of her morning on the twenty fifth of August sitting in her room, reviewing notes from last year—she would be, of course, continuing on with all her previous classes at NEWT level. But this year came with an extra dose of responsibility, something that arrived two weeks ago in the form of a red-and-gold badge along with her usual letter detailing the list of supplies she would need for the year. 

Lily had nearly shrieked with excitement as the Head Girl badge rolled out of her letter, but contented herself instead with simply beaming as she presented it proudly to her parents. Petunia was, as usual, disapproving, but Lily hardly noticed. She knew that she would be chosen for Headship, Professor McGonagall had all but told her at the end of last term that she was a cert.

Flipping idly through Herbology notes (the contents of which she had already committed to memory), her thoughts turned to the mystery of the boy with whom she would be splitting her Head duties come next week. Her immediate thought upon receiving her badge was that it was likely to be Remus Lupin, the fellow Gryffindor Prefect from her year. The idea of sharing more space with Remus was not without appeal—the two years she had spent in close contact with him as a fellow Prefect assured her that he would not shirk his responsibilities, and she had grown to count him among her friends. Remus was really alright, thought Lily, especially considering _his_ group of friends...

She jerked her wandering thoughts away from the Marauders as quickly as possible. Just because they did their level best to ruin every day she spent at school did not mean she had to allow memories of them to soil her summers as well. 

Lily had half decided to owl Remus to ask him about the Headship when her mother called her down to breakfast. She dumped the notebook she had been perusing unceremoniously upon her desk and bounded downstairs, the smell of eggs and rashers making her stomach growl. As soon as she had taken her seat at the kitchen table, bid good morning to her parents, pointedly ignored Petunia and piled her plate with toast, an owl rapped smartly on the kitchen window and the whole Evans family turned to look at it. Lily's good mood evaporated at the sight of the owl. 

"Whose is this one?" asked Mrs Evans. She had learnt the birds of Lily's friends by heart, and as her Hogwarts letter had already arrived, she would not have been expecting any unfamiliar owls again. Petunia scowled and pursed her lips, but gave no other acknowledgement that she was aware of what was transpiring, and returned at once to her gossip magazine. Lily, however, sighed and got up to let the owl in. She knew exactly to whom it belonged.

"This owl is Black's" she said, opening the latch and letting the Great Horned Owl into her kitchen. It blinked at her in a dignified way, stuck out its leg, and allowed her to remove a letter addressed untidily to "Evans."

She thanked the owl and gave him some water out of a saucer.

"Black? You mean the infamous Sirius Black?" Mrs Evans addressed Lily with raised eyebrows and a bit of a smirk. 

Lily did not smile back. "I don't know what Black could possibly have to say to me that couldn't wait until next week. Heaven knows I see enough of him and his little friends during school. That toss— “

"Lily!"

"Sorry, mum" she said quickly, not sorry at all. She glanced down at the letter and decided not to open it until after breakfast. She set it in her lap and turned her attention back to her food.

Mr Evans surveyed his wife with an exaggerated look of puzzlement.

"Sirius Black...is that the good-looking fellow we saw last year at the station?"

Lily tried not to vomit into her breakfast. 

"Not funny, dad."

Mrs Evans shook her head. "He’s very handsome dear, but I believe you're thinking of that lovely James Potter. Ever so polite, came over and introduced himself."

"That's right!" Mr Evans slapped his hand on the table and turned to Lily with a teasing smile. 

Lily continued to stare at her food, not dignifying this line of conversation with a response, but she felt redness creep up her cheeks. She attempted to hide the blush behind her hair. Her parents seemed to think they had tortured her enough and resumed eating. 

After she had finished, Lily excused herself to her room with her letter. She lay it, face up, on her desk, and attempted to study once more. She didn't want to seem too eager to see what Black had to say. In fact, part of her was considering throwing the letter in the bin in case he had decided to fill it with Bubotuber Pus or some other unpleasant substance as a joke. She wouldn't put anything past him.

But curiosity got the better of her. She put on gloves as a precaution and turned the letter over. What she saw made her stomach flip—in a nasty, unpleasant way, she assured herself. 

A red and gold wax seal, stamped in the middle of the envelope, bearing the the letters JP. 

This letter was from Potter, not Black. Black must have loaned Potter his owl. Lily slipped her gloves off--Potter was dreadful, as dreadful as Black in many ways, but he wouldn't dare jinx her. Feeling much safer, but even more curious, she opened the seal. 

 

_My dearest, darling Evans,_

_I look forward with longing to September the first; that glorious day in which you shall again bestow your beautiful visage upon my sight._

Lily snorted with laughter. She could see Potter scribbling on this parchment in her mind's eye, turning to Remus and asking "what's another word for face?" The letter continued:

 _It is with great joy that I promise you that our year together—_ our year together? What is he on _? –will be filled with laughter and happiness._

_I can't wait to be Heads with you._

_From the depths of my soul,_

_James Potter_

 

Lily stared at the letter for a moment, her brain unwilling to comprehend what she had just read. Heads together? Surely he couldn't mean...Lily turned the parchment over and wrote:

 

_Ha ha Potter. Don't write to me again, I'm trying to enjoy my summer by imagining that you don't exist._

 

She brought the letter back downstairs and tied it to Black’s owl, who had finished resting. He took off into the clear summer sky.

Lily decided that, just to be sure that Potter was truly having a go at her, she would write Remus. She went back to her desk, took out a roll of parchment and wrote:

 

_Dear Remus,_

_How’s everything? I'm sorry to bother you about this but I just received a rather silly letter from one of your mates. Potter has written me and told me in rather prosaic fashion that he's been made Head Boy. I know it's preposterous but I wondered if you could owl me back and assure me that he's just having a laugh and you really got the badge._

_Lily_

 

She tied this to her own owl, a rather smaller barn one called Tulip, and sent her to deliver the message to Remus.

She heard back from him very quickly—she had long ago surmised from their correspondence that he could not live far from her. His reply read:

 

_Lily,_

_Summer's been nice, how about yours? Congrats on making Head Girl. I'm afraid I'm about to make things worse for you though; the Head Boy is indeed going to be James. Don't ask me why—I don't know, and neither does he. Looking forward to continuing on as a Prefect under you though. I'm torn about James--either he'll cut me an enormous amount of slack because we're mates, or he'll work me into the ground for the same reason._

_Sincerely,_

_Remus_

 

Lily read this through several times, hoping each time to notice a line saying something like " _Only joking—I’m Heads with you of course_ " but to no avail. She sank onto her bed, still holding Remus' letter, allowing the words to permeate. She was going to be stuck splitting all her duties, for the whole year, with Potter...

Maybe there was a mistake. There had to have been. Professor Dumbledore was out of his mind if he purposely gave the Headship to Potter. Lily took out another roll of parchment and a quill and wrote, much neater this time:

 

_Dear Professor McGonagall,_

_I hope this letter finds you well and that you are enjoying your holiday. Firstly, I'd like to thank you for your recommendation to Professor Dumbledore. I received my Head Girl badge with my letter and am fully prepared to take on all the responsibility that comes with it. I look forward to serving the school and hope to make Gryffindor House and you proud._

_There seems to have been a bit of a mix-up as far as the Head Boy is concerned. I have been in correspondence with Remus Lupin and he has informed me that James Potter received the Head Boy badge along with his letter this year. I wanted to make sure you knew about this so that it can be rectified before the start of term._

_Yours Sincerely,_

_Lily Evans_

 

Lily tied this letter to Tulip and sent her off again. She seemed to feel thoroughly important about having two deliveries so close together, and ruffled her feathers in an official sort of way before taking flight. 

\--

It was the next day before she heard back from Professor McGonagall. Tulip delivered the letter directly to her bedroom in the afternoon. Expecting thanks from her Head of House for spotting this egregious error, Lily ripped it open without the slightest bit of trepidation. 

 

_Miss Evans,_

_I have received your letter. Mr Potter was chosen by Professor Dumbledore as Head Boy. I trust that you shall be able to perform your duties alongside him without further complaint._

_Sincerely,_

_Professor Minerva McGonagall_

 

This letter made her feel even worse than Remus's had. The decision was final, official. The excitement at being chosen for Head Girl was rapidly draining out of her and she found herself wishing she would just be carrying on as a Prefect, allowing Potter the pleasure of torturing somebody else day in and day out. 

Lily decided that it was time to discuss these developments with the most sympathetic ear she could think of. So, with a shout downstairs of "Mum, I'm going to Alice's!" Lily closed her eyes, thought determinedly of Alice Wright’s house, and with a loud CRACK, she disappeared from her bedroom. 

\--

Lily appeared at the front step of Alice's home moments later, feeling dizzy and winded. Although she had passed her Apparation test with flying colours, traveling in that particular method still left her a bit nauseous. She knocked on Alice's front door, and saw a face poke out of what she knew to be Alice's bedroom window—but it was not Alice's. Marlene McKinnon grinned down at Lily once she saw who was there and said "Lily! Why didn't you just Apparate up here?"

Lily cocked her head. "Well, that would be rude, wouldn't it? What if Frank had been over?"

Marlene smirked. "Point taken. Be right down."

Marlene came down the stairs and opened the door. Her black hair, already long and curly, seemed to have grown several more inches in the few weeks it'd been since Lily last saw her. She beckoned Lily inside and then bounded back upstairs with the kind of quick grace Lily had come to associate with Seekers.

Alice was sitting on her bed surrounded by photographs. She was in the process, Lily knew, of selecting pictures from their sixth year for her album. Her round face brightened at the sight of Lily.

"Lily! How lovely of you to come by—and good timing too! Want to help me choose pictures?"

Lily sat down on the edge of Alice's bed and sighed dramatically. She was secretly glad that Marlene was here too--they were, combined, an excellent audience.

"Girls, I'm afraid my seventh year has already been ruined."

Marlene raised her eyebrows. Alice looked up from her pictures. 

"Whatever is the matter?" she said, concern etched into all her features. This is exactly why Lily had come to Alice first. 

"I have dreadful news."

"I have interesting news," Marlene added, but Lily shot her a look. 

"Mine first."

Marlene made a face. "You'll want to hear this. It's going to be all over school, I'm sure, and you'll get to say you've heard it first."

Lily snorted. "You're never going to believe what I have to tell you."

"I promise you, I will. I bet I already know what it is."

Alice wasn't listening to the bickering. She had gone back to sorting photographs. "When you're ready to tell me what you've got to say, Lily, I'll listen. Until then I'll be doing this," she said, without looking up. 

Lily exhaled loudly. "I've come to tell you that I've been given a sentence worse than Azkaban—being Heads with James Potter."

Alice looked up, her jaw slack with surprise. Marlene didn't react. She spoke before Alice could formulate a reply. 

"I knew he'd been picked as Head Boy," she said casually. 

Thoroughly annoyed that Marlene had ruined her dramatic pronouncement, Lily shot back at her. 

"Who told _you_?"

Marlene smirked. "Sirius."

Lily snorted again. "Sirius, is he now? Since when is he Sirius and not Black?"

"Since we've been meeting up this summer." Marlene raised her eyebrows suggestively. 

Lily forgot all about Potter for a moment. "You aren't."

"We are."

"No way."

"Oh yes."

"...how is it?"

Marlene's head fell back and she laughed loudly.

"He's alright," she said, but Lily could tell she was really pleased, and that, whatever she might think of Black, Marlene was thoroughly enjoying the time she was spending in his company.

"So is it like...are you two going steady now?" Lily asked her with some apprehension. 

"Nah, it's nothing like that. Just a bit of fun."

Lily’s apprehension grew. Six years of rooming with Marlene had taught her one crucial thing—which was that Marlene rarely let on how strongly she felt about people, and that this might not end well.

Alice looked as uneasy as Lily felt, but they both knew better than to try and talk Marlene out of doing whatever she wanted. There was a bit of a pause before Lily remembered that she was there to complain about Potter. And complain about Potter they did, for several hours, they debated how Lily could best avoid him at all times, starting with how she could dart onto the train without his noticing and ending with how she could perhaps place a charm on him to keep him from ever contacting her again after they had graduated. Sitting there laughing together in Alice's room, Lily was suddenly hit with a pang—this would be the last summer they were students together, and she felt herself wishing the summer would never end. 


	2. Patrols and Premonitions

But end it did, and on September the first, Lily found herself pushing a trolley through the barrier at King's Cross Station between Platforms Nine and Ten, having said a cheery goodbye to her parents and exchanging another stony silence with Petunia, who had been all but forced to come along to see her off. Lily and her trolley weaved in and out of crowds of students, searching for Marlene and Alice to say hello before she needed to find the Prefects compartment. Unable to locate them, she decided to get an early start, hopped onto the train, and stored her belongings in the front compartment to wait for the Prefects. 

Before she had even gotten her bearings, a most unwelcome sight greeted her eyes. Potter, striding toward her, one hand running through his messy hair and the other clutching...another bouquet. He threw her a lopsided grin and thrust the flowers at her. Her stomach gave a lurch as he leaned in to attempt to hug her. She ducked out of the way and sat down with Tulip's cage on her lap as a physical barrier between them. He didn't seem the least bit perturbed by her obvious lack of interest, and simply relocated to the bench opposite her, flopped down, and raked his hand through his hair again. 

"Good summer, Evans?"

She noticed his Head Boy badge was nowhere to be seen. 

"Forgotten something?" She raised an eyebrow at him. 

He looked at her, perplexed.

"Not that I know of?"

Maybe Professor McGonagall had seen reason and chosen someone else. Maybe that's why he wasn't wearing his badge. 

"Well, if you're not Head Boy, then you can clear out of this compartment. It's for Heads and Prefects only."

"Oh," he said, "right. Thanks."

He pulled his badge out of his trouser pocket and pinned it to his robes. Lily swore under her breath. 

"Not going to thank me for the flowers?"

"Nope." They were truly lovely, but she didn't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing that. She was pretty sure he could tell she liked them though, as he had given her flowers before and this time she had not turned them into a swarm of birds to attack him.

"Ok then."

He continued to sit there gazing at her and smiling. She knew he couldn't stay quiet for long, and sure enough, after a few moments;

"I could just sit here and look at you all day, Evans."

"You _do_ sit there and look at me all day, Potter. Maybe if you tried focusing on something else for a change, you'd manage to get some schoolwork done."

"And yet, here I am sitting on six OWLs without having to take my eyes off you for a second."

Lily buried her face in her hands. This was going to be a long journey. 

\--

The Prefects began filing in a short while afterwards, much to Lily's relief. She introduced herself to the new Prefects, greeted Remus with a tight hug, and started to assign them a corridor patrol schedule. Potter managed to introduce himself without hexing anyone, then sat back down and allowed Lily to conduct most of the the rest of the meeting without butting in. It wasn't so bad, really, she thought. If he was going to just keep his mouth shut and let her run things the way she wanted, she could handle that. At least he was staying out of her way.

She began to assign him a patrol slot with one of the new Slytherin Prefects when he finally piped up. 

"Wouldn't it be better to allow them to patrol in the pairs they’ll be in at school? I notice you've set yourself up with Remus for now, but when we get there he’ll be doing his rounds with another Prefect. I should patrol with you, and then it keeps everything even."

He said this with such a convincing look of sincerity that she almost believed he was just trying to make things simple. Then she remembered he was Potter, and he existed to make everything more complicated.

"That arrangement does make more sense," Remus added. 

Lily could've kicked him, and she considered it for a moment, but then thought it would make a bad first impression as Head Girl. It might've been worth it though. She settled for staring daggers at him, and thought she saw him sink a little lower in his seat. 

"Fine then. Potter, we patrol first."

She marched out of the compartment with Potter at her heels. 

\--

The first part of the patrol passed without incident. They ducked in and out of compartments, checking on people—or rather, Lily did that, and Potter trailed behind her, checking out his own reflection in the glass windows. Lily dearly wished he would be bitten by a vampire so that he wouldn't be able to look at himself anymore. She imagined that this would clear up a lot of free time for him though, and that would just give him more opportunity to pester her.

They reached the compartment containing the other three Marauders. Marlene was with them. Remus and Peter sat on one side of the compartment. Remus had a book in front of him, which he seemed unable to read due to constant interruption. Peter was watching Black, who was animatedly describing something or other with grand hand gestures. He was laying on the bench with his head in Marlene's lap. Marlene was apparently listening to him and trying hard not to look too happy.

Out of the corner of his eye, Black spotted Potter. He sat up instantly and grinned. He seemed to have grown even more handsome over the summer, though Lily was not sure how that was possible. It was unlikely that there was anyone in the school more objectively good-looking than Sirius Black. He had silky black hair that fell almost to his shoulders, high cheekbones and a dazzlingly white smile. Girls absolutely swooned in his wake. Even some boys swooned in his wake. Lily thought he was the biggest blowhard in all the world. 

Potter opened their compartment door and leaned inside. Lily could see his reflection in the window. He put on a very official-looking expression.

"Anything untoward at all going on in here? Anything I can dock points for?"

Lily yanked on the back of his jumper, intending to pull him back into the hallway, but he didn't move.

"You can't take points on the train," she hissed at him. "Term hasn't even started. I told everyone in the meeting, weren't you listening?"

"Come on in Prongs," called Black. "I'm telling everyone here about the frog incident this past summer."

"Oh yeah, that was a disaster!" James smiled, ran his hand through his hair again, and turned to Lily. She knew he wanted her to ask about the frog incident, but she would not rise to his bait. She pulled his arm.

"Keep moving or the next disaster Black will be telling everyone about will involve your overinflated brain splattering the ceiling of the Hogwarts Express."

\--

After their patrol ended, Lily was faced with the decision of where to sit for the remainder of the journey. Marlene had not exited the compartment filled with Marauders and Lily was not keen to join them. She found Alice in a compartment alone with Frank. They looked very busy, but she didn't have anywhere else to go so she rapped on compartment window. They sprang apart and Alice giggled. Frank smiled and waved her in. 

"Good to see you again Lily! Enjoy your holidays?"

He shifted his belongings to make room for her on the opposite bench. 

"Yes, good to see you too Frank. I'm so sorry to interrupt but Marlene is sitting with the Marauders and I..."

"Don't be silly, we're happy to have you! I just bought sweets, want anything?"

Frank Longbottom was easily the nicest boy in their year, probably in the whole school. He was a Prefect too, but for Hufflepuff, and he probably could've been Head Boy except that he was so generous and forgiving that Lily had never known him to take a single point from any house in the two years he'd been able to. 

Frank and Alice had been together since fourth year--or was it third? Basically as long as anyone could remember, their names were one word—Frankandalice. Alice spoke of their eventual marriage with such certainty that Lily had come to accept it as a given. 

She accepted Frank's offer of sweets with enthusiasm, not realizing until that moment how hungry she was. She'd barely touched breakfast, somehow the prospect of seeing Potter again had put her off her food. Frank had an excellent selection of everything that the Trolley Witch had to offer and she helped herself to some Fizzing Whizbees, her favourite. 

"So Lily, what courses are you taking this year?" Frank asked her between mouthfuls of Cauldron Cake. 

They spent quite a lot of time discussing their course schedules. She and Alice had a great many classes together, but they shared only Herbology with the Hufflepuffs. Both Alice and Frank were hoping to become Aurors, something Lily secretly couldn't imagine either of them doing. They always seemed so sweet—it was impossible to picture the pair of them hunting down and capturing Dark Wizards—but they both had their schedules selected with Auror prerequisites in mind.

Lily went over her classes in detail with Frank and Alice. The three of them would, as usual, have only Herbology together. Lily and Alice would be together in Potions, Defence Against the Dark Arts, Transfiguration and Charms, all of which Frank was taking too, but at different times. Frank and Alice both took Ancient Runes, but without Lily. All in all, it seemed Lily would be seeing plenty of Alice, and not much of Frank, which was typical.

As the windows outside the train grew darker, Frank excused himself to do his patrol, leaving Alice and Lily to gossip about him in peace. After a short conversation that consisted mainly of Alice repeating a few of the loveliest things Frank had said to her over the summer and Lily cooing about how cute they were together, Lily suggested they do a bit of studying. Alice agreed at once and offered to help her review for Transfiguration, with a pointed look.

Lily reluctantly pulled out her copy of _Advanced Transfiguration and Transformations_ and set it on her lap. Transfiguration was, hands down, her worst subject. She had been shocked to learn that she had managed an E on that OWL. It had been the hardest one she had taken and was expecting an A at best, and she had really only continued it at NEWT level because she loved Professor McGonagall and wanted to continue taking her class.

The most infuriating thing about Transfiguration was not how difficult it was for her, but how easily it seemed to come to the Marauders. With the exception of Remus, who had dropped it after his OWLs, the Marauders were head of the class. Potter and Black vied back and forth for the top spot constantly, and Peter always trailed just a few points behind them. It drove Lily mad to watch Potter and Black goofing about playing pranks while she she studied until she collapsed on every exam, only to find that they had outscored her once again. She had spent not an insignificant amount of time wondering how this was possible—Peter was abysmal in most classes, Potter and Black did the bare minimum amount of work, but Transfiguration seemed to come so naturally to them. At least that wasn’t the case in every course, or actually, in any other course at all.

Alice, who was quite good at Transfiguration, coached Lily in human transformation up until the train had stopped in Hogsmeade Station. Frank returned to the compartment to accompany Alice out to the horseless carriages that would bring them up to the school. Lily hoisted her rucksack onto her shoulder and made her way to the front of the train, wishing she had thought to do this before the train had stopped and the corridors became crowded with people. As Heads, she and Potter would be responsible for making sure all the upper grade students made it into carriages and that all the first years were shepherded towards Rubeus Hagrid, the gamekeeper, who would bring them to the castle in boats along the Black Lake.

Potter, being quite a lot taller than her, would have been ideally suited for this task, but they ran into a problem almost immediately when she asked him help steer the first years in the right direction.

“How am I supposed to know which ones are first years?” he asked her with the incredulous tone of a person who has been given a job they know to be impossible.

“Well, it’s quite simple really,” she told him icily. “The first years are people who weren’t here last year.”

“I don’t pay attention to any of those gnomes,” Potter gestured to the throngs of students with a careless wave of his arm. “I haven’t the foggiest idea who was here last year.”

Lily gritted her teeth and once again reminded herself that it would make a bad impression for the Head Girl to be kicking people before they had even made it up to the castle. She struggled to make herself seen as she shouted to the students to stop trying to cram more than four to a carriage. Finally, she noticed with a bit of panic, she and Potter were the only ones left standing in the cold night. He heaved his rucksack into the last carriage and then, before she could protest, loaded hers inside as well. They got inside and the carriage began to pull itself behind all the others.

She hoped that the ride would pass quickly and silently, but Potter began talking almost before the wheels had begun to turn.

“Well that was simple. I hope being Head Boy is always like that. Just standing there looking good and getting to dock points from Slytherin whenever I fancy. I could get used to this.”

He put his hands behind his head and leaned back in his seat like he was relaxing on a tropical island. Lily felt suddenly very warm. She huffed.

“That was easy for you because I did all the work,” she told him, a little hoarsely from all her shouting, “If you continue to behave like this, I might actually strangle you before the end of the first week.”

James gave her a look of mock surprise. “Why Evans!” he said, “threats against the Head Boy! Five points from Gryffindor!”

Lily rolled her eyes at him. “Once again, Potter, you show your ignorance. You cannot take points from the Head Girl. You cannot take points from Prefects, either. And, just to make sure you’re aware of it before you make more of a fool of yourself, you cannot take points from teachers.”

“Damn,” said Potter, snapping his fingers. “Can’t take points from Filch either, I suppose.”

Lily did not feel that this was worthy of a response, so she crossed her arms and stared out the window of the carriage up at the castle. It looked beautiful—the night was clear and dark and the torches shined like beacons welcoming her to her second home. Frank’s sweets hadn’t really filled her up, and she looked forward with great anticipation to the start of term feast.

“Wonder if the hat’s going to mention You Know Who in its speech this year?” Potter said, probably just to force more conversation on her when she would rather pretend she was alone.

“What?”

“The Sorting Hat,” he explained. “I heard that in times of crisis it sometimes brings up current events during the Sorting. Based on how things are escalating, I bet we’re in for an interesting song.”

“What rubbish are you talking about Potter?” she spat. He was annoying her on purpose.

“Don’t you read the Daily Prophet?” he asked her.

“No, and I seriously doubt you do either.”

“Well, no,” he admitted, “but my parents do and they usually talk over breakfast. If I lived in a muggle household during the holidays, I should probably read it too. There’s been quite a lot of trouble recently …”

Lily didn’t hear the rest of what he said, because at that moment the carriage stopped and she nearly hit Potter in the face with the door in her haste to escape his prattling. She grabbed her rucksack before he could gather it for her again and half-ran up to the front of the group so that she could lead the way in, Potter trailing behind her. She shouted to be heard above all the chatter, asking students to form lines following her and Potter. They milled about into more of a mob, but it was at least a cohesive unit, and she led them into the castle and up the stone steps of the entryway where they met Professor McGonagall.

Professor McGonagall’s presence caused a sudden quiet to fall over the group. She spoke at a normal volume, but had no trouble being heard.

“If students will form lines by house behind their Prefects, we shall proceed into the Great Hall for our welcome feast.”

She turned and almost instantly the same group that had more or less ignored Lily formed four neat lines, and marched quietly into the Great Hall. She chose a seat at the Gryffindor table and Potter sat immediately next to her, despite having an entire table to spread his ego out over. Marlene saw this and hurried forward, wedging her way between them with her elbows and forcing him over. Lily smiled at her in thanks and watched Marlene as she watched Black, who took the seat on Potter’s other side. Alice sat on the other side of Lily and waved a little sadly over at the Hufflepuff table. Frank blew her a kiss.

Lily’s eyes drifted toward the Slytherin table. Severus, who she was used to seeing mostly on his own, was surrounded by several other Slytherins whose names Lily did not know, and they were all muttering with him. In that moment, he looked up, caught her eye, and the scowl he had been wearing evaporated from his face. He opened his mouth as though to speak to her, though she wouldn’t have been able to hear him from all the way across the Great Hall. She instead looked away as though she hadn’t noticed him, tossed her hair over her shoulder, and engaged Alice in conversation.

Professor McGonagall came to the front of the Great Hall underneath the staff table. She was carrying the same old stool and the same worn Sorting Hat as she did every year, and explained the Sorting process as usual. Lily watched without much interest, hoping the Sorting would pass quickly and that they would begin eating soon. She could almost taste those roasted potatoes.

The rip in the hat’s brim opened wide like a mouth and it began to sing:

 

Oh what a task to sort you all

Into the houses four

Where hopefully, both proud and tall

You’ll stand for might and more

 

The days come closer, ever so

That we must all decide

To stay and fight, to side with shadow

To stand, or run and hide

 

I’ll tell you now, that time grows near

When people live or die

When bad and good are never clear

Where loyalties may lie

 

But I shall sort you nonetheless

My hope is great today

That you shall seek to to be the best

And find a better way

 

Great Gryffindor, that mighty man

Determined, wilful, proud

His stubborn, most courageous clan

Never shall be cowed

 

Oh Ravenclaw, that clever maid

Her chosen few prevail

With strategy and plans best laid

Could never dream to fail

 

And Hufflepuff, so kind and just

Loved true and honest sort

Those fair and worthy of great trust

Shall always evil thwart

 

And now to Slytherin we raise

A wily, cunning toast

Ambition, legacy and praise

His students prize the most

 

Now there we are, and you shall find

The home here which you seek

So put me on and trust my mind

To help you reach your peak

 

The hat stopped singing and the students applauded. Lily was so stunned that she forgot to clap. What had Potter said in the carriage about the hat speaking of current events outside Hogwarts? She had never heard the hat give a welcome like this before, it always just spoke about the houses and how you shouldn’t be afraid of the Sorting and other such things. Today it had spoken of death and choosing sides…Lily couldn’t remember the whole song. She wished someone had written it down. She glanced over Marlene at Potter. He was staring straight ahead, looking as serious as she’d ever seen him, but when he saw her watching him, he shook his head slightly as if to clear it, put his hand to his forehead, and that’s when she turned away. She could see him in her mind’s eye running the hand through his hair—she knew that’s what he’d been about to do. She smiled in spite of herself at his irritating arrogance.

Lily didn’t know any of the incoming first years, so the Sorting was as interesting as it could be with that in consideration. The younger siblings of her friends were already at Hogwarts. Still, Lily cheered and clapped with the others for all the new Gryffindors.

As soon as the Sorting had ended, Professor Dumbledore took to his feet. He cleared his throat lightly but he needn’t have done so, all the students were staring at him with rapt attention. He smiled mildly down at them.

“Good evening to you all. Welcome to our new students. Welcome back to our returning students. I have just a few start of term notices for you, and I shall get through them as quickly as I am able, as I see that you are all as anxious as I am to tuck in to our long-awaited feast.”

Several people chuckled. Professor Dumbledore continued with the usual notices about classes beginning on Monday, Quidditch try-outs to be announced by Quidditch captains, and other such things that Lily had become accustomed to hearing. He reminded them once again, with his customary piercing look in the direction of the Marauders, that the Forbidden Forest was out of bounds to all students. He thanked them for listening and then said the words that Lily had been waiting for since before she had sat down.

“Let the feast begin.”

The food was as abundant and delicious as Lily always knew it to be. She helped herself to seconds, then thirds, then dessert. There wasn’t much in the way of talking around her. Peter attempted to start up a conversation with the rest of the Marauders, but when he opened his mouth he spewed bits of steak-and-kidney pie onto them all and got such a telling off about it from Black and Potter that he finished the rest of the meal red faced and silent.

When she was so full that she felt she might have to have Alice and Marlene roll her up to Gryffindor Tower, she stood up and beckoned to the rest of the table to follow her. Many of the older students who already knew where to go stayed at the table to continue chatting with their friends. All of the first years, still a bit anxious and having finished their food quickly so as to not be left behind, queued up after her. She began to lead them out into the Entrance Hall but was stopped by Professor McGonagall.

“Miss Evans, I shall escort the new students up to Gryffindor Tower. Professor Dumbledore wishes for you and Mr Potter to meet him in his office for a quick word. The password is ‘Chocolate Frogs.’ You won’t mind pulling Potter away from his friends, will you?” It was clear that Professor McGonagall had no more desire to engage the Marauders than Lily did.

“I’ll gather him and we’ll go straightaway, Professor.”

She turned on her heel and marched back up to the table where Potter and his friends were shovelling down third helpings of treacle tart.

“I can’t get enough of the stuff,” he was saying through a mouthful, “mum never makes it and it’s my favourite.”

“Your mum makes all kinds of great food,” Black replied. “Our old house elf never cooked me anything I liked as much as what I’ve eaten at your house.”

Remus nodded. “Prongs, your mum is an excellent cook.”

“Well, she never makes me treacle tart for my birthday,” Potter retorted.

“That’s because your birthday is in March and you’re here, you idiot,” Remus replied lightly, sliding another slice of tart onto his plate.

Lily cleared her throat. Potter looked up at her with his mouth absolutely full of food. His cheeks were puffed out like a chipmunk’s. She rolled her eyes at him and he tried to smile. A bit of treacle dripped out of the side of his mouth and he wiped it away hurriedly with his hand.

“Professor Dumbledore wants a word with us, Potter. You can finish eating the food you’ve stored in your cheeks on the way there.”

He didn’t reply, as he couldn’t open his mouth, but stood and followed her as she walked quickly out of the Great Hall. She could hear him chewing loudly behind her up the first staircase, then a tremendous swallow. She braced herself for him to start talking again. His footsteps grew louder as he hurried to catch up with her.

“So, I was right about the hat, wasn’t I?”

His reminder of the hat’s strange song startled her so much that she forgot to hate him for a moment.

“Yeah, what was that?” she asked him. “All that stuff about death and staying to fight and choosing sides?”

“It’s like I was telling you in the carriage,” he started, “my parents have been talking to Dumbledore all summer, and the Minister for Magic too. That old pureblood nonsense is really going haywire.”

They arrived in front of Professor Dumbledore’s office. The gargoyle who guarded it opened for them with the password and revealed a staircase, which they climbed into a circular room filled with portraits of old headmasters and headmistresses, and whirring silver instruments on spindly tables.

Professor Dumbledore himself was sitting at his desk, writing on a piece of parchment in a language Lily did not recognize. He put down his quill and looked up at them, smiling, then gestured for them to sit in the two straight-backed chairs pulled up to his desk. They did so.

The meeting with Professor Dumbledore went much as Lily might have expected it would. Dumbledore outlined their Head duties—primarily patrolling the corridors, scheduling Prefects to patrol the corridors, bedtime enforcement, bed checks—and Lily was surprised that Potter managed to keep a straight face as he nodded along his assent that he would be doing these things. She very much doubted that his resolve would last beyond this meeting and all the way to Gryffindor Tower.

At the end of his speech, Professor Dumbledore turned to her and said “Thank you Miss Evans. If you would be so kind as to give me a few moments of Mr Potter’s time, I shall send him out shortly to accompany you back to Gryffindor Tower.”

Wishing that he had just sent her back to her dormitory without insinuating that she wait for Potter, she thanked Professor Dumbledore and went to stand outside the gargoyle in the corridor. She wondered what they were talking about up there without her. Presumably Professor Dumbledore was admonishing him to be on his best behaviour now that he was Head Boy. Lily wished he would hurry up. She felt drowsy after eating so much and began dreaming of her lovely warm bed up in Gryffindor Tower.

After a time, Potter descended the staircase to meet her in the corridor with a solemn expression she had never seen on him before. He didn’t joke or even smile at her as he turned wordlessly towards the staircase that would take them up to Gryffindor Tower. She jogged to keep up with him as he walked very quickly down the hall.

“What did Professor Dumbledore want with just you?” she asked him, curiosity getting the better of her, knowing that if what Professor Dumbledore had to say to him was something she was supposed to hear, she wouldn’t have been asked to leave the room. Potter gave her a half smile that didn’t reach his eyes at all.

“Just wanted to tell me to do a good job as Head, that’s all.” He mumbled this under his breath. Lily couldn’t make sense of it. Potter had been censured to behave himself every day of his life at Hogwarts and she had never seen as much as a faltering smirk result from it. Why suddenly was he acting so odd? Maybe it was just the effect that Professor Dumbledore had on him.

Lily didn’t push him. He was silent the rest of the way up to Gryffindor Tower, but as he held the portrait of the Fat Lady open for her, she couldn’t help feeling that he wasn’t being quite truthful.


	3. Potter's Paper Planes

Lily awoke early on Monday morning out of excitement. She got cleaned up, dressed and hurried downstairs to the Great Hall to eat breakfast and get her course schedule for the term. Because she was so early, the tables were mostly empty. A few first years were scattered about--they probably woke at the crack of dawn to make sure they were able to find the Great Hall before breakfast so as not to miss it. That's what Lily had done on her first day at Hogwarts. 

The only other older student earlier than her was Severus, who was sitting alone at the Slytherin table looking his usual surly, miserable self. He kept glancing over at her and then looking back down at the book he had open in his lap. Finally, after what seemed like ages, she looked up at his seat and he was gone.

She didn't even have time to be glad of his absence before he was suddenly sitting directly opposite her at the Gryffindor table. His greasy hair fell in lank clumps around his chin, his skin looked sallower than she could ever remember, and there were dark circles under his eyes that seemed as though they were a permanent addition to his appearance.

"Lily, please listen to me. I want..." he started, very quietly, but she was ready for this. She crossed her arms across her chest and looked anywhere but at him. 

"Severus, we've been over this before. I have nothing to say to you."

"Yes, I know that. But I..."

He was unable to finish his sentence, however, because at that moment Marlene appeared at his side and clapped a hand forcefully on his shoulder. 

"Lost?" she asked him, rather harshly. "The Slytherin table is over there. Do you need an escort?"

Lily was still determinedly not looking at him. He got up silently without answering Marlene and glided in his bat-like way back to the Slytherin table where he sat in the same seat, looking glummer than ever. 

Lily gave Marlene another grateful smile. Marlene didn't return it. Instead, she took the spot at the Gryffindor table that Severus had been occupying and stared daggers at him, her dark eyes narrowed, silently daring him to approach Lily again. She knew he wouldn't, at least not now.

She wanted nothing to do with him at this point. If he had taken her aside later that day or even the next week, or owled her over the summer holidays...maybe she would've listened, but now? She wasn't sure what made him suddenly start trying to approach her again, but she was so permanently angry at him now that she felt quite sure their friendship was unsalvageable. 

Other Gryffindors began to filter in, slowly at first and then in spades, yawning and stretching as they found their friends and were seated. Alice, never an easy riser early in the morning, sat down heavily and slumped her chin into her hands, staring blearily at them. The Marauders had not yet made an appearance by the time they started eating and timetables were distributed. 

Lily grabbed her schedule out of Professor McGonagall's hand rather quicker than she meant to out of eagerness. She would begin her first day with Charms, which was her best subject and always a confidence-booster. Next would be History of Magic, followed by Arithmancy after lunch. It was a fascinating subject, much like maths had been in her Muggle primary school, but with magic. The only person she really knew in that class was Potter, unfortunately. She groaned inwardly at the prospect of spending another year fending off his attentions while sitting right next to him.

Potions would be her last class of the day. The Potions class was small, consisting of Lily, Alice, and all ten Slytherins from their year—Lily sometimes felt Potions was a bit like swimming in a tank of sharks, with Alice as her only life raft. Lily had begged Remus to continue on with her at the end of fifth year but he flatly refused--he was rubbish at Potions, he had told her, and he probably didn't score high enough on his OWL to keep the subject anyway.

She was about to start perusing Tuesday's classes when her schedule was suddenly snatched unceremoniously out of her fingers. Startled, she turned around and saw Potter standing behind her, holding up her timetable in one hand and his own in the other. The rest of the Marauders were milling about in the background, apparently waiting for him to choose a seat. 

"Let's see here Evans," he said, then added "Budge up," rather rudely, to the third year girl sitting on Lily's left. The girl looked a little affronted, but scooted over and allowed Potter to plop into the space she had just been occupying. The melancholy surrounding him at the end of last evening seemed to have disappeared. The other three Marauders adjusted people around them so that they were all seated together—Peter on Potter's left, Black and Remus across from them. Black took a seat next to Marlene and gave her a little smirk while Potter was busy studying Lily's course schedule. 

"Okay," Potter announced grandly, "today we've got Charms together, then I've got a free period while you snore through History of Magic. Then lunch, then we've got Arithmancy..."

"Oh you poor dears," Black interrupted, with a mockingly pitying look in their direction, "the rest of us have got Care of Magical Creatures that hour. What did Kettleburn say we'd be starting with this term, Moony? Manticores, wasn't it?"

Potter either didn't hear this, or chose to ignore it. Arithmancy versus Care of Magical Creatures was a bit of a sore spot among the Marauders. Apparently during fourth year, they had all decided to take Care of Magical Creatures together as a foursome. Lily assumed this would be the case, as Potter had been telling anyone who would listen that he had ambitions of becoming a dragon tamer. However, she had then made the mistake of mentioning in front of him that she would be taking Arithmancy. Apparently, Potter had immediately gone to Professor McGonagall and convinced her to swap his classes, conveniently forgetting to mention this to the rest of the Marauders until they received their schedules on the first morning of term. Lily was unlikely to ever forget the look on Black's face when he saw Potter's timetable. He had had a few choice words to say about it too, including "cowardly betrayal of your closest friends" and "choosing to study redheads instead of dragons." Potter had simply explained that he'd decided to become a Curse Breaker instead of a dragon tamer. It seemed as long as it was dangerous and impressive-sounding, Potter didn't much care what he was going to do after Hogwarts. 

Black glowered at the back of Potter's head for ignoring him, then put his arm around Marlene's waist and whispered something in her ear. She rolled her eyes and elbowed him in the ribs. He rubbed his chest and pretended to look wounded, then whipped around and immediately began talking to Remus. Lily saw the corners of Marlene's mouth turn up when she thought no one was looking. 

"...and then Friday we finish with Transfiguration, and then we've got the whole weekend for snogging. And with conducting Prefects meetings and patrolling together, you'll barely have time to miss me. How does that sound?"

Lily hadn't even realized he was still talking until he mentioned snogging. She arranged her features into the most disgusted expression she could muster and yanked her timetable out of his hands.

Potter continued to grin at her, ruffled his hair, and then turned his back to her and joined the conversation between Black and Remus. 

\--

Charms went by very smoothly, as Lily had expected. It was a big class—almost all the Gryffindors took it at NEWT level, and a fair few Slytherins. Professor Flitwick announced that they would be learning about conjuring charms for most of the term. Lily had already read their textbook; _Common and Uncommon Conjurations_ , over the summer and was able to make a teacup appear out of thin air on her first try. Flitwick was delighted and showed the class how she was only missing the handle, telling her excitedly that she would probably be able to conjure a whole tea set by next class period if she practised. 

Professor Binns was already seated at his desk when they arrived for History of Magic.As teachers went he was frightfully boring, but the subject material was all new to her, as she was Muggle born and hadn't heard any of this growing up. Remus took it with her because he loved history, although he was the only Marauder who did. She had overheard them choosing their classes in fourth year, Potter saying airily "If I cared at all about magical history I could just sit down in my family library and read about it. What's really important is having plenty of free periods. Dropping History of Magic takes a block out of our schedule and we can spend that time doing whatever we want." "Whatever we want," Lily knew, was code for mischief. Either way, it was an incredibly small class—just her, Remus and a handful of extra brainy Ravenclaws and especially long-suffering Hufflepuffs.

Lily and Remus sat down at the usual desk that they shared, and Professor Binns began speaking as though he had never stopped, without so much as a greeting. He might’ve been lecturing all through the summer holidays to an empty classroom. Time ticked forward very slowly until she received a note from Remus. It read:

 

_The first full moon of term is the 27th of September._

 

Lily read the unspoken questions in this statement. Professor McGonagall had sat her down at the beginning of fifth year and informed her that she would need to make some special accommodations as Remus's counterpart Prefect. She explained his situation and Lily assured her that she was prepared to shoulder the additional burden of Remus's duties during the full moon. Professor McGonagall also impressed upon her the delicacy of the situation and strongly cautioned her against sharing this information with anyone, although Lily knew that this was a formality and if her discretion had been in question, she would not have been told at all. 

Remus had been sitting in the common room when she returned from this meeting, by all appearances reading, but he stiffened when she entered the room. The scratches across his face, normally the first thing she saw when she looked at him, seemed to recede into his skin before her eyes now that she knew their source.

It was crowded in the common room and she hadn't been sure how to talk to him without being overheard, so she went with the first idea that came into her head. She sidled unobtrusively toward where he was sitting, walked behind his chair and ruffled his hair. He didn't move. She then wrapped her arms around his chest in a hug, leaned down, and kissed him on the cheek, whispering in his ear as she passed "everything's going to be ok." She felt his muscles relax as he understood what she was telling him. She ruffled his hair once again, then turned to go to her dormitory, chancing a glance back at them. Potter looked murderous. 

"What was that about?" he demanded of Remus. 

"Not a clue," Remus replied evenly. "Maybe she's trying to make you jealous, Prongs."

She hadn't heard the rest of the conversation after she closed the door to her room behind her. 

Lily looked down at the parchment Remus had passed her. It was hard to believe that there was a time that she hadn't known his secret. Now he was as comfortable discussing it with her as commenting about the weather. She scribbled back a reply back to him.

 

_It’ll be even easier than last year. We’ll just make sure you don’t have patrols on any of those days._

 

Remus took her note back and nodded. He wrote something else and handed it back to her.

 

_What if the others notice something is up?_

 

She gave him a disbelieving look and replied;

 

_Who sets the patrol schedule Remus? Me._

 

Remus looked unconvinced, but Lily was used to this. He was incredibly paranoid that anyone else would discover his secret. Lily was less worried. The only people who knew, as far as she could tell, were the teachers, herself, the other Marauders and Severus. Remus had never mentioned to the rest of the Marauders that she knew about him, and she found it highly amusing to watch them skirt around the topic in front of her.

She patted Remus's arm to reassure him, then returned to her note-taking. Professor Binns droned on. 

\--

Lily left lunch early so Potter would not be able to finish eating quickly enough to accompany her, but he must have run because he caught up with her in the second corridor, still holding two sandwiches and eating as he walked.

"How was History of Magic?" he asked conversationally. "Feels like it goes on forever, doesn't it? Seems like it's been ages since we saw each other in Charms this morning."

"Yes, I'd almost forgotten about you," she told him. "It was lovely."

He didn't answer because he was eating again. She had a fleeting thought that her whole seventh year might consist of walking along corridors listening to Potter’s chewing and trying to avoid speaking with him.

His sandwiches kept him occupied most of the way to Arithmancy. Lily put on a sudden burst of speed as she saw the last bite disappear into his mouth and she reached the door to the classroom well ahead of him. 

She wedged her way in between two Ravenclaws, forcing Potter to sit by himself at the back end of the room. He looked very disappointed. 

Professor Landerman was a small, skinny man with thinning grey hair. Like Professor Binns, he gave off the impression that he hadn't noticed there were students in his classroom, but he was very different from Professor Binns because he was thoroughly overexcited about his subject. He spoke wistfully of numbers and equations and formulae as if nothing in the world could be so wonderful, and made frequent tangents onto his practical experiences with Arithmancy that, while technically within the subject, got quickly off the topic at hand. Lily, though not able to muster quite that level of enthusiasm, nevertheless enjoyed Arithmancy and did reasonably well in it.

Professor Landerman launched into his first lecture of the year and Lily peeked over her shoulder at Potter. He had already tuned out the lesson and was staring out the window at the Quidditch pitch. Lily imagined that this year would be a repeat of OWLs, where Potter had been forced to scramble together a whole term's worth of assignments at the last moment and cram all night for his exam because he hadn't done anything the whole year. Despite this, he had apparently received a passing grade in the exam and been allowed to continue the subject.

Halfway through class, Lily thought she felt something in her hair. She shook it behind her and heard the sound of paper hitting the floor. She looked at the ground and saw it littered with a fleet of little fluttering paper airplanes all jittering about like jumping beans and she rolled her eyes upward. Sure enough, Potter was looking back at her, chin resting on his hands. Worried that someone else might see them, she hastened to gather all the airplanes and stuffed them roughly into her bag.

Lily filled several pages of notes, though she usually allotted some time later in the day to read the chapter on what they were supposed to have learned. Professor Landerman usually forgot that he hadn't covered all the material he meant to during his lesson, and would continue next class as though he had, leaving anyone who had not done their reading feeling very lost. The bell rang for class to end, but it was several minutes before Professor Landerman finished what he was saying and noticed that the corridor was crowded with students. He dismissed them without assigning homework and Lily dashed out without a backward glance. 

Leaving Arithmancy late meant that she had less time than usual to get to Potions, which was unfortunate because it was on the other side of the castle. She walked as quickly as she could, but was just entering the dungeons when the bell sounded. Luckily for her, Potions was with Professor Slughorn. He would no sooner dock points for her lateness than shave his moustache.

She entered the Potions classroom out of breath and gasped an apology for her tardiness. Professor Slughorn's whole face lit up at the sight of her and he said "Lily, my best girl! Couldn't get started without you!"

She noticed that no one appeared to have begun even unpacking until she arrived.  Purposefully not looking in Severus's direction, Lily deposited her belongings and took her usual spot next to Alice. She could feel Severus's eyes on the back of her head.

"Alright boys and girls, let's see how much you've retained over the summer! We're going to start with a Draught of Madness, please turn to page 98 of _Advanced Potion Making_ and get brewing."

She opened her book and read through the instructions. The Draught of Madness was immensely complicated. Lily wasn't sure why it was worth the bother—brewing a Serenity Solution incorrectly could produce virtually identical results. She raised her hand and asked Professor Slughorn about this. 

"An excellent question, Lily, as always. A correctly brewed Draught of Madness will be fairly similar in composition to Veritaserum. Virtually undetectable in most drinks! However, if a Serenity Solution is drawn up poorly, it becomes foul-smelling, sludgy, and puce in colour. You'd have to be pretty daft not to notice that in your morning cuppa!"

Lily beamed up at Professor Slughorn. Her talent at Potions had endeared her greatly to him, and in turn his enthusiasm and knowledge about the subject meant that she could spend hours simply talking about it with him. Charms might be her best subject, but Potions was her favourite.

Her marks in Potions were second only to Severus's. She had partnered with him up through the end of fifth year, and owed quite a lot of her success in brewing to his instruction. He could concoct anything successfully on his first try, and often added small improvements or variations to change the potency or subtle effects of the potion. She began partnering with Alice when Marlene dropped Potions, which was coincidentally when she and Severus had fallen out. Alice was average at Potions and got good marks with generous assistance from Lily.

Severus had already started his Draught of Madness and his cauldron was emitting large quantities of foamy white smoke. He looked utterly bored as he crushed moults with a mortar and pestle. Despite his natural ability with Potions, Severus focused most of his attention in school on Defence Against the Dark Arts, with a side helping of just regular Dark Arts that he read about by himself when he thought she wasn’t looking. Lily snapped her attention back to her work and began crushing moults the way she had watched Severus do it.

An hour and a half later, Lily's potion looked more or less the way it said it was supposed to in her textbook. She would've liked it to be just a touch thinner. Professor Slughorn told them to begin putting their things away and to leave their cauldrons with him to stew until next class, when they would resume their Draughts of Madness. Severus packed up quicker than anybody and stopped by Lily on his way out. She avoided his eyes as he peered into her cauldron. 

"Stir it three times clockwise and twice counter clockwise" he muttered in one breath, before she could interrupt him. She looked up in surprise to find him still staring into her potion. She blinked and he had swept out of the room without another word. 

Lily's desire not to do anything Severus suggested was at odds with her wish to receive the best possible grade on her potion. She debated internally for a moment, then took out her wand and stirred it the way he had instructed. It immediately thinned to the exact consistency she had hoped for. She gave her cauldron to Professor Slughorn, who made the thumbs up at her when he saw it, and headed upstairs for dinner.

She caught up with Alice in the hallway and, still feeling conflicted, told her what had just happened. Alice looked at her in mild surprise. 

"Well, that was brave of you to just do what he said! What if he had been trying to sabotage your potion?" 

Lily had not thought of this, and couldn't explain how she knew that Severus would never do such a thing to her. She did know it though, and she expressed this to Alice. As they discussed this interesting development, they exited the dungeons and ran into Marlene. By the look on her face, she had caught the tail end of their conversation.

"I don't care if it worked out this time. He's trouble. Watch out for him." Marlene said, as though the subject was closed.

Lily didn’t have it in her to argue—she was too hungry. Talk turned to Quidditch during dinner, a topic she didn’t have much to say about, so she listened and ate as Potter and Marlene discussed try outs. As Quidditch Captain, Marlene was considering conducting the try outs sometime in the next couple of weeks. Potter just wanted to ensure that his Head duties would not interfere with Quidditch, and Lily was sure he would be able to talk them into scheduling their practices around him. She stood up at the end of dinner and sighed.

“Alright Potter, let’s get this over with.”

He looked up at her in utter perplexity for a moment, then recovered and grinned.

“Get what over with? Does this mean you want to elope?”

Lily just stared at him as menacingly as possible. 

"That's a no then? Can't say I didn't try. You never know, right?"

She continued to glower, waiting for him to remember where he was supposed to be. He leaned in slightly and met her gaze. She watched as comprehension sunk in to his hazel eyes.

"Prefects meeting. That's where we're going. Because you said that on the train, and I was definitely listening to you."

He hopped out of his seat and strode purposefully toward the entryway. He stopped and looked behind him as she was still standing there fuming. 

"Well, get a move on!" he called back cheerfully. "We haven't got all day! I’ve got loads of great ideas for getting them all put into detention."

\--

The Prefects meeting went very well because Lily insisted Potter sit next to her and trod sharply on his foot every time she heard him start to speak. She had already drawn up a patrol schedule for them and passed out a copy to each person. They would have a brief meeting every other Monday, and, she told them, they would report to her if they had any questions or problems in between meetings. 

"Can we report to the Head Boy too?" asked the fifth year Hufflepuff Prefect. 

Lily heard Potter draw breath and she dug the heel of her shoe into his toes. 

"Ow," he muttered, very quietly. 

"No," said Lily. "Report to me, keeps it more organized to have just one person keep track of everything. I've included a copy of my timetable along with your schedule so you'll always know where to find me."

\--

She spent a large portion of the rest of the evening practising conjuring teacups. The Marauders occupied the most comfortable couch and two best armchairs right next to the fire, prime real estate in the Gryffindor common room, as they had nearly every evening for the past six years. Normally a new set of older students would take over this furniture each year, but the Marauders were so brazen and entitled that no one challenged them for the spot after second year, and now Lily was certain that the cushions were moulded to the shapes of their backsides. Or, in Black's case, to his back. His favourite position was to lounge with his head lolling down over the seat of the couch and his legs stuck up along the back, so that he was staring upside down at the fireplace.

Remus was curled into an armchair, reading. Peter was asking Black to tell him more about what he and Potter had got up to over the summer. It was clear that he already knew everything they had done because he kept requesting retellings of specific stories. Black was obliging, projecting his voice so that nearby people would listen in as well and be impressed.

She was considering heading to bed after she'd read the first chapter of her Arithmancy textbook, when Black, having exhausted his stock of exploits with which to entertain people, heaved a great sigh. He turned his head, which was looking quite red because it was still hanging upside down over the front of the couch, towards Potter and said the words that always brought cold dread into Lily's heart, because they were the harbinger of big trouble.

"I'm bored."

Potter had been draped across an armchair staring at Lily while she worked, but upon hearing Black's drawl, immediately turned towards him. A very mischievous, almost sinister expression fell across his features. He chuckled. 

"You won't be for long, Padfoot. In fact," he announced, in a carrying voice, which caused a large portion of the common room to stop what they were doing and glance in his direction. "anyone who is finding themselves in need of entertainment should probably make their way towards dungeon three--that's across from Slughorn's room--tomorrow before dinner."

Lily stiffened and narrowed her eyes towards him. Most of the other faces in the room shone with excitement. She imagined that there would be a large crowd of Gryffindors milling about in the dungeons tomorrow evening, confusing Professor Slughorn.

She snapped her book shut and headed towards her dormitory, passing Potter and his friends on the way there.

"Goodnight Potter," she said casually, her nose in the air. "I'll be sure to let Professor McGonagall know tomorrow morning that she should hang around in the dungeons before dinner. You wouldn't want her to miss out, would you?"

His smile disappeared as rapidly as if she had slapped him.

"Evans," he croaked, "you wouldn't..."

"Watch me," she snarled nastily. She hit him across the back of the head with her book and stalked up to bed. She looked back at the Marauders before she entered the dormitory. Potter, still rubbing the back of his head, caught her eye again and called up to her, "don't worry, we can still go out." She made a very rude hand gesture at him and slammed the door behind her. 

\--

All the other girls in her dormitory appeared to be asleep already. Lily pulled on her nightdress and got into bed, still fuming at Potter's nerve. She was almost asleep by the time she remembered the little paper airplanes still shoved at the bottom of her bag, pinned under several large textbooks. She looked around at the other girls, still sleeping soundly, and carefully shut all the curtains around her four-poster, then reached for her bag which was sitting on the floor next to the bed. 

Lily murmured " _Lumos_ " as quietly as she could and fetched all the airplanes out of the bag, dropping them onto the blanket. They were fluttering rather feebly now, their wings bent and crumpled from the force with which she had trapped them earlier. 

She unfolded the first one and it lay flat and motionless on her bed, so she did the same with the rest of them. They were all notes in Potter's untidy scrawl, which she read mentally in his voice, saying things like:

 

_I'm tired of this already._

 

_I wonder if they'll have tart again at dinner tonight?_

 

 _Have I told you I got an O on this OWL?_ (He had.)

 

_I bet he's going to go over again like always. You'll be late for Potions. Lucky Ancient Runes is right next door or I'd be tardy too._

 

And one that read:

 

_I wish you'd turn round so I could look at your eyes._

 

Lily held this note for a little longer than the others. It made her feel...well, she didn't know how it made her feel. Her ears were hot. Her stomach did a little somersault. She shook her head firmly and crumpled all the notes into a ball, which she shoved back into her bag. She couldn't risk waking anyone to burn them now, and the smouldering embers that would be left in the fireplace tonight probably wouldn't be hot enough to reduce them to ash. 

She'd chuck them into the fire tomorrow evening while he was watching.


	4. Scales and Silver Smoke

Tuesday morning passed without incident. In fact, the Marauders were not at breakfast and skidded into Transfiguration, their first class of the day, out of breath and seconds before the bell rang. Professor McGonagall raised her eyebrows at them, but did not say anything. Today they were learning to transform clothes, as Professor McGonagall stressed that this was an essential skill for disguising oneself in the Muggle world and would thus be useful for anyone looking to go into careers in Muggle relations, or for Aurors required to go undercover. Lily's first attempt at changing her robes landed her in a muumuu. Professor McGonagall quickly set her right, but not before the Marauders saw her and howled with laughter.

Professor McGonagall said nothing to them, but proceeded to transform Lily's school robes into a breathtaking evening gown by way of demonstration.

Potter stopped mid giggle and his jaw dropped. He waved his wand and he was suddenly wearing an impeccably tailored dinner jacket. He stepped up to her with his hand outstretched.

"My lady," he said with a bow. 

Lily flicked her wand at him and now he was the one wearing the muumuu. 

"That's more like it," muttered Professor McGonagall. 

\--

At the end of class, Lily stepped up to Professor McGonagall's desk. 

"May I have a word, Professor?"

"Certainly, Miss Evans. Shall we meet in my office?"

"No," said Lily quickly "I just wanted to tell you that Pot--that the boys have something planned to go off in dungeon three before dinner tonight."

"The boys" needed no further clarification. They both knew to whom she was referring. Professor McGonagall gave her a worn look, like she was expecting this but hoping it wouldn't have come so soon. 

"Do you know what it might be this time?"

"No, they just announced that there'd be a spectacle to the whole common room last night. I thought I'd tell you now so you'll have time to remove whatever it is."

"Thank you Miss Evans. I shall speak with Professor Slughorn before my next class and see if he can't take care of it."

Lily hitched her bag up higher onto her shoulder and hurried off to Defence Against the Dark Arts.

\--

The classroom looked exactly as it had her previous year, except that there was a very large trunk situated at the front that Lily had not seen before. Professor Amelia Bones stood beside it, her severe, heavy-jawed face set, light blue eyes focusing piercingly on each person as they entered the room. Lily took a seat with Alice and Marlene and took out her textbook.

“We will begin our studies this year with dementors,” Professor Bones said by way of a greeting. “Who is able to tell me what a dementor is?”

Lily’s hand shot into the air, along with Remus’s and several Ravenclaws. Professor Bones pointed at Remus.

“Dementors are hooded creatures,” Remus stated. “No one with a soul knows what they look like underneath the hood. They thrive off of human emotion and suck the happiness out of spaces which they occupy. If a dementor gets too close to a person, it can suck out their soul through their mouth. The Ministry of Magic uses them to guard Azkaban.”

“Five points to Gryffindor, Mr Lupin. What repels dementors?” She pointed at Potter, who had raised his hand.

“A Patronus.”

“Care to elaborate, Mr Potter?”

“Well, a Patronus is a sort of guardian you can conjure with a spell. It can chase away dementors if its strong enough.”

“Thank you Mr Potter. Can you tell me what that spell is?”

Potter shrugged and shook his head.

“ _Expecto Patronum_ ,” Peter piped up.

“Is your name Potter, Mr Pettigrew?” Professor Bones snapped at him.

“Sorry Professor,” Peter murmured. Professor Bones acted as though she hadn’t heard him.

“Now, I have collected a boggart to practise this technique on. None of you will be attempting it today, but you shall watch me. When I open this trunk, the boggart will come out and take the shape of a dementor, and I shall repel it with a Patronus.”

Professor Bones took a small key out of her desk and unlocked the trunk. The class leaned forward as a group, watching intently. Professor Bones often gave them demonstrations against real dark magic, and usually allowed them to give it a go first-hand at a later lesson. It was part of what made her such an excellent teacher.

The trunk lid sprang open and a hooded figure began to emerge. A scaly hand grasped the edge of the trunk as it pulled itself up to full height. Lily had seen drawings of dementors in her textbook, but somehow the pictures hadn’t been able to convey how truly terrifying they looked. Massive and clammy, its presence filled the classroom, making everything look darker. Professor Bones drew out her wand and cried “ _Expecto Patronum_!”

A thread of silver light erupted from her wand, taking the shape of a huge eagle that flew straight at the dementor. It ducked, and Professor Bones hurried forward to shut it back into the trunk.

The class gave her a round of thunderous applause. She waved at them vaguely.

“Settle down,” she said, “it’s not particularly difficult to do against a boggart. Real dementors are a different matter. The most important thing to remember about producing a Patronus is that the wand motions and incantation are less than half the battle—focus on the happiest memory you can think of and allow it to fill you up. Now split into pairs and we will practise the wand motions and incantations. It is possible that some of you might produce a vaporous Patronus today, but we are unlikely to see a corporeal Patronus out of any of you before Halloween.”

Lily paired up with Marlene. They practised the Patronus charm for the rest of the class. She was having trouble deciding on a memory to focus on—she had plenty of happy memories from which to choose, but none of them seemed to be strong enough because by the end of class she had nothing to show for her effort. At one point, Black shouted that he thought he saw something at the end of his wand, maybe a bit of smoke.

“I was looking directly at you Mr Black and I didn’t see anything,” Professor Bones told him matter-of-factly. Black looked down at his wand and shook it as though willing something to come out of it.

By the time Lily got out of the classroom and to the Great Hall for lunch, the Marauders were already eating. She had never seen them eat so much or so quickly, and that was saying quite a lot as they normally each ate enough for several people. They wiped their mouths hurriedly and ran off together, not in the direction of Gryffindor tower, as would be appropriate for four people who had a free double period, but down a corridor to the left. She wasn’t sure where they were headed. It was possible that they were going to the Quidditch pitch so that Potter could show off, but more likely they were going to the dungeons to continue preparations for whatever prank they were planning. Lily hoped that Professor McGonagall had spoken with Professor Slughorn. She decided to go down to the dungeons to check after double Herbology, but doubted she would make it back from the greenhouses in time to stop anything from happening.

\--

Lily hurtled back from Greenhouse Four as fast as she could, feeling a little sunburnt but mostly just anxious. She’d gotten out of Herbology even later than she expected, and was hoping she’d simply find a bunch of disappointed Gryffindors trudging back up to dinner from the dungeons. As she flew down the steps that led into the dungeons, however, her heart sank. She heard raucous laughter and proceeded forward cautiously, only to find a huge crowd of people—apparently the Gryffindors had let loads of Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs in on the fun—crowding the corridor between dungeons two and three. She attempted to push people aside without success, finally resorting to shouting “Excuse me, I’m Head Girl!” so that people would allow her to pass.

Dungeons two and three both appeared to be perfectly intact. The same could not be said of the scene that lay in front of her, at the top of the staircase that she knew to lead down into the Slytherin common room and dormitories. Professors McGonagall, Slughorn and Bones were all blocking the entrance. The Marauders had obviously been pulled out of the crowd by the teachers, judging by the fact that Professor Bones had Black by the ear. None of the four looked the least bit apologetic. On the contrary, all of them were grinning so widely she thought their faces might split. She scowled at Remus and his smile faltered at the sight of her. He alone had the good sense to look contrite in the face of her temper. She turned her attention to Black, who appeared to be explaining something to Professor Bones.

“We just thought, they’re already snakes anyway,” he said jovially, “might as well make the outsides match the insides!”

“We reckoned they’d like it!” Potter added, in a tone of great surprise, although he was unable to hold the shocked expression for long and burst into laughter at his own joke after a few seconds.

Lily peered into dungeon three. Madam Pomfrey was bustling about inside with several students who were sitting on stools. Lily did a double take and noticed that their skin appeared to be covered in green scales. She couldn’t be sure, but thought one of them might have been Black’s younger brother. He had the same shiny black hair.

She tentatively approached Professor McGonagall.

“Oh Professor McGonagall, I’m so sorry. What happened?”

“It appears that our Head Boy and his friends set a jinx above the entrance to the Slytherin dormitories that transfigures scales onto anyone who passes through. We haven’t been able to get past it to warn anyone on the inside yet.”

“Is there anything I can do to help?” Lily asked her anxiously.

“No, thank you Miss Evans, I think we can sort it out.”

As she spoke, Severus came up the steps. He didn’t act as though he noticed anything had happened, but Lily saw that his face, too, was scaly and green. The Marauders were beside themselves at the sight of him. Tears streamed down Peter’s face, Potter was doubled over, laughing so hard he couldn’t make a sound. Severus seemed most surprised to see Lily standing outside his dormitory and made to speak to her, not noticing the throngs of people surrounding them. Professor McGonagall bustled over to him and stopped him in his tracks.

“Mr Snape, if you would just come with me…”

Lily threw one last contemptuous glance towards the Marauders before she turned on her heel and headed back up the stairs towards dinner.

\--

The Marauders didn’t appear again until well after dinner, while Lily was writing an essay for Professor Bones about dementors. Their entrance into the common room was met with a spirited round of applause from all those who had witnessed what had taken place in the dungeons. It had been the only topic of conversation at dinner, and Lily had refused to take part in it. Even those who hadn’t been there had heard enough details to be impressed, in fact, it had been embellished so much by then that the people who heard it second or third hand had more reason than eyewitnesses to be in awe of the Marauders. Lily heard one excited second year boy telling his friends that he had seen Potter battling with the Slytherins, who, he asserted, had been turned into fifty-foot boa constrictors.

“Thank you, thank you! No really,” Black was saying, “it was Prongs’s idea!”

He held Potter’s hand up and the common room gave him a standing ovation.

“How did you manage it?” asked a pretty sixth year girl who was eyeing Potter appreciatively.

He winked at her. “Just a little something we invented.”

Lily turned away from this nonsense and tried to focus on her essay, which was all but impossible with the level of noise in the room.

“Did you get detention?” a second year girl squeaked.

“Course we did,” boomed Potter, affably. “Absolutely worth it as long as you lot were entertained!”

The crowd gave another mighty cheer. Lily could not stop herself.

“Entertained?!” she shouted, over the din. “Entertained?!”

Most of the room quieted down. Potter looked in her direction, still grinning. She slammed her book shut, got up, and stomped over to him until they were face to face—or rather, they would be if he wasn’t taller than her. Still, in her rage, she appeared to tower over him.

“Evans! Did you get a load of Snivellus? Didn’t even notice he’d been hexed—just made straight for you like a— “

He didn’t get to finish his sentence because Lily slapped him as hard as she could across the face. He looked as though he’d been Petrified, his mouth open and slack. The room went completely silent.

“You—are—Head—Boy,” she said in a deadly voice, through gritted teeth. “You are supposed to be setting an example. Were you even listening to Professor Dumbledore in that meeting?

He didn’t move or say anything.

“I hope they assign someone else,” she continued. “And not you,” she shot across him at Remus, who cowered, evidently thinking he might be next in line for hitting. “I’d rather be Heads with Severus than you, Potter.”

Lily knew she had dealt a low blow, but didn’t care. She whipped around, allowing her hair to hit Potter in the face again as she stormed away, snatching up her things. She ripped open her bag, took out the wadded up ball of notes from yesterday, and tossed them into the fireplace, where flames began to lick at them immediately. Without another word, she ran up the staircase to bed, every eye in the common room on her until she slammed the door behind her.

She got into pyjamas feeling utterly miserable. She had expected to enjoy slapping him a lot more than she did, and fell asleep with the image of the hurt expression on his face when she’d burnt his notes boring into her brain.


	5. Moons, Moods and Memories

Lily didn’t speak to any of the Marauders for several weeks, with the exception of Remus, to whom she gave the silent treatment for only a few days before she caved in to his stream of endless apologies. He never said anything about it to her in front of the others, but as soon as they were out of earshot, he devolved into grovelling. She knew this was because he wanted to save face with the Marauders—she understood how their friendship worked, and had long ago accepted it. By the next Monday, they were passing notes again in History of Magic as usual.

Her homework load was lighter than she had expected. It seemed that, by seventh year, most of the teachers figured that you either had developed habits of studying on your own, or you hadn’t, and that was that. Professors McGonagall and Bones, who clearly didn’t buy into this theory, were setting more homework than ever, but in the absence of extra work from other teachers, Lily found plenty of time to study on her own terms.

This was also good because she had Head duties as well. There were enough Prefects that she and Potter only had patrols together two nights a week, and she always stepped in whenever one Prefect or another was ill or unavailable. Potter showed up to patrols more or less on time every night they had them, and chatted at her from the moment they arrived until they separated to go to bed. It became harder and harder to ignore him as the weeks went by, her anger at him seemed to be lessening with the passage of time, but she held fast out of stubbornness.

Quidditch try outs came and went, the new team was posted—which included, of course Potter—and Marlene had quite a time of scheduling practices around both his Head duties and his detentions. Potter groaned about the detentions continuously when he was with Lily, and she took savage pleasure at the fact that they were making him miserable. He was set with Filch three nights a week, and from what he told her, was basically made to scrub the castle with a toothbrush from dungeons to turrets. His detentions were carefully scheduled and staged so that he, Black, Remus and Peter were never within eyeshot or shouting distance of one another during them. It seemed to have been determined that Remus and Peter were not the instigators of what had become known as The Snake Incident, which is something Lily could’ve told the teachers if they’d asked her, and thus their sentences were much lighter.

\--

Potions felt like, at the moment, a beautiful respite away from the Marauders. The Slytherins, with the exception of Severus, paid her and Alice no attention, and she used the time to vent her frustrations about Potter to Alice over their cauldrons.

"All he does is reminisce about past Quidditch games and speculate about future Quidditch games and strategize with himself about Quidditch. Last night, I was treated to an hour and a half monologue of James Potter's Greatest Goals. And don't even get him started on the topic of his detentions, and how they are interfering with, you guessed it, Quidditch..."

"Lily," Alice told her gently, "don't you think you're talking about Potter an awful lot lately?"

"No," Lily replied automatically and vehemently, concerned about where Alice was going with this, "I'm complaining about him, that's different."

"Is it though?" Alice prodded, still very cautiously.

"Of course it is," she said immediately, "I complain about other people too you know, like..." she lowered her voice and inclined her head in Severus's direction.

"That's a completely different hive of pixies," Alice whispered back, "it's one thing to—well, I wouldn't even call it complaining— _voice concerns_  about someone who you think is going to join up with You Know Who, and quite another to carry on and on about being pestered by an attractive--"

"Potter is NOT attractive," Lily said back, a bit louder than she had intended. Several people turned around to look at her. She hoped that it they assumed she was only red because her face was directly over her cauldron.

"Of course he is," Alice said simply, counting out roots.

Lily did not trust herself to retort and focused her attention back on her work.

\--

Marlene met them in the Entrance Hall before dinner.

"Marlene, is Potter attractive?" Alice asked at once. Marlene didn't hesitate.

"Objectively, yeah," she said, "but he's also a conceited prick who won't pass to his teammates, and he picks his nose during practice when he thinks I'm not looking, so I can't say I've ever been tempted to give him a go. Why do you ask?"

"Lily says he's not," Alice told her.

"Lily's lying," said Marlene as if Lily were not walking right next to her.

"Hey," Lily interjected, offended, "I'm allowed to have different taste than you."

"Sure you're  _allowed_  to," Marlene replied, "but you don't."

Lily was speechless with indignation. Alice, the traitor, took advantage of her silence to give voice to something that Lily had been fervently hoping had gone unnoticed.

"Sorry Lily, but the way you look at him sometimes gives it away--like when he comes to dinner in his Quidditch robes."

Lily could only splutter in response, so Alice continued, "I don't blame you, mind, red really suits him," she said thoughtfully.

Lily was unable to come up with a convincing-sounding rebuttal for this statement, so instead she tried to bring this ludicrous conversation back around to his abundant shortcomings.

"I think he's infuriating," she said.

"Yep," said Marlene, "but you don't think he's ugly."

Lily thought about it for a moment, but decided not to reply. Potter was many, many things--irritating, aggravating, conceited, obnoxious, rude--but unfortunately, ugly wasn't one of them. Luckily for Lily, his personality deficits more than decompensated for his good looks, and she felt sure she could go on despising him in peace for the rest of eternity as long as he continued to be awful.

\--

When September the 27th rolled around, Lily ran into a problem. She and Potter were scheduled for patrolling that night but he refused to go point-blank.

“I don’t care if you don’t want to do it,” she told him, breaking her silence toward him for the first time. “We’ve got patrols that night whether you like it or not.”

“I won’t be coming, but—hey, you’re speaking to me again! But even so, you’ll have to assign someone else, or go it alone. Besides, I’m Head Boy, don’t I ever get a say in when we have patrols?” He spoke with such finality and determination that she was taken aback for a moment.

“You would get a say if you were able to behave like the Head Boy,” she retorted. “But since you insist on acting a fool, I’m forced to be the adult and do all the work myself. We have patrols on the 27th. You’ll be there.”

But he wasn’t. In actuality, it had been a bit of a test. She had noticed over the past couple of years that the Marauders all acted very strangely around the full moon. For Remus, of course, this was entirely understandable, but she couldn’t make sense of the others’ behaviour. All of them retired to their dormitories straight after dinner the evening of a full moon, and didn’t resurface until the next morning. And yet, for having gone to bed so early, none of them would appear to have gotten a wink of sleep. Potter and Black seemed able to tough it out and only occasionally nodded off during class, but poor little Peter often snored so loudly that he was punished for falling asleep in every lesson. Lily usually went to visit Remus in the hospital wing the day after a full moon to bring him his homework and chat with him a bit. Madam Pomfrey once took her aside to let her know that her visits seemed to cheer him immensely, and after that she made it a point to stay with him for at least an hour every time.

Lily ate dinner very quickly on the 28th of September, so as to have plenty of time to visit with Remus before she needed to get on with her homework. She always ran the risk of bumping into the Marauders in the hospital wing, but today they were taking such a very long time to eat that she doubted they’d be finished within the hour. Potter had one hand propping up his head, and with the other was attempting to feed himself pork, but he kept missing his mouth because his eyes were closed. Black was staring down at his food with his eyes unfocused. Peter was sound asleep, his face buried in a bowl of mashed potatoes.

Remus, looking very worn out and with fresh new cuts to add to his impressive collection of scars, brightened up when he saw her enter the room.

“Thank you, Lily,” he told her earnestly, reaching for his books, “Did we get much from Professor Bones today?”

“She just wants us to read up more on memories,” Lily told him. “She went round in this class and helped us determine where we were going wrong individually, since no one’s been able to make more than wisps yet.”

“Wish I hadn’t missed that,” Remus said sadly. “I could’ve used it. I think my problem might be in the wrist movement— “

“I’m sure if you ask her she’ll go over it with you.” Lily couldn’t imagine that Professor Bones would let him suffer because of his “furry little problem”—as she had overheard Potter call it more than once.

“What did she say about yours?” Remus asked her with interest.

“Well,” Lily began, “she says my incantation and wand movements are perfect. She reckons I’m having trouble with the memory part. She said that about most people. I have lots of happy memories, I’m just not sure any of them are powerful enough…”

“If you don’t mind my asking,” he said quietly, “what memories are you using? You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” he added quickly.

“No, I don’t mind telling you. Er, first I tried using ones from when I went on holiday with my parents and sister to Majorca, that was a lot of fun, but I doubt that’s good enough because I couldn’t produce anything. I’ve had a bit more success with the memory of when I first got my Hogwarts letter, and then when I got my OWL results over the summer between fifth and sixth year, and when I got my Head Girl badge this last summer…”

“Which of those worked best?”

“I think the one when I first got my Hogwarts letter,” she said thoughtfully. “I produced quite a lot of vapour that time.”

Remus nodded and looked at her piercingly. Lily had a nagging feeling about why it wasn’t working, but she didn’t want to admit it. Getting her Hogwarts letter had been the happiest thing that had happened to her, but actually receiving the letter wasn’t the part she focused on when she thought of that wonderful day. It had been the expression on Severus’s face at the confirmation that they were going to be attending school together, she had never seen him look so joyous. His dark eyes had sparkled and he grinned with such ferocity as she had never seen before. It had, at the time, filled her to the brim with warmth.

She was stubbornly refusing to try this memory though. If thoughts of Severus were the only thing that could cause her to produce a Patronus, then perhaps she would rather fail Defence Against the Dark Arts. It was one thing to use his suggestion in a potion (for which she had received full marks), but calling on his feelings to fuel a spell seemed to Lily a lot more personal, and she was thus far unwilling to do it. She continually searched her mind for any memory happier than that one, and came up entirely empty-handed.

The thing that gave her the most solace was that Potter had, thus far, been able to produce no more than a puff of smoke. Lily imagined that this was because he had known so little unhappiness that he couldn’t separate one good time from another.

“What memory are you using?” she asked Remus, “if you don’t mind my asking?”

“You told me,” he said wryly. “It’s only fair. I have a couple that I think are strong enough. One is from the time you came back from finding out about…about me, and you hugged me and…do you remember?”

She smiled and squeezed his hand. He squeezed back.

“Yes, and the other is quite similar. It’s when Prong—I mean, when James, Sirius and Peter found out as well, and how they decided to help me…”

“I’ve been meaning to ask,” Lily interrupted him, unable to contain her curiosity. “Every day after the full moon, the rest of the Marauders look quite as worn out as you do. What are they getting up to?”

Remus stiffened for a fraction of a second.

“I’m not sure,” he said, slowly, not meeting her eyes. “Perhaps more pranks?”

Lily knew Remus well enough to be able to tell that he was skirting the question. Quite apart from making her angry, she felt very comforted with the knowledge that whatever they were doing was to help him. She had been under the impression that they might be using the time away from Remus, who was clearly the voice of reason in that group, to develop more sinister pranks than he would have stood for. She resolved not to plan any more patrols for Potter during the full moon.

\--

Lily’s resolve not to speak to Potter was finally worn down on the last day of September during their patrols. He seemed to have finally had enough of asking her questions and receiving death glares as a response.

“Look Ev—Lily,” he said heavily as she ignored his cheery hello at the start of patrols. “I’m sorry about The Snake Incident. It was really childish, as you told me. We shouldn’t have done it. My detentions are over and they were awful, but I can’t stand you not speaking to me—that’s even worse. You might’ve noticed we’ve kept our heads down since then,” he added in a hopeful tone. “No other jokes for the whole month.”

Lily considered this as he did look truly penitent. She would have preferred that he feel sorry for causing harm, rather than just being put out that she wasn’t talking to him, but any level of contrition was an improvement, and she decided to reward him with a small smile.

Potter looked as pleased as he would have if Christmas had come early. His face cracked into a grin that extended to the roots of his messy hair.

“I reckon I could produce a corporeal Patronus right now if I was allowed to do magic in the corridors,” he told her in such tones of jubilation that it was almost a crow.

“I expect The Snake Incident to be your last prank,” she told him stiffly.

“Understood.”

She did not for a moment imagine that the Marauders would stop pulling pranks, but at least she now had a promise from him to throw in his face the next time he decided to do something stupid.

\--

October was unseasonably chilly this year, but brought with it the prospect of Hallowe'en and the first Quidditch match of the year. Lily knew which she was more excited about. Far from waning, her holiday spirts seemed to increase with age and she looked forward to Hallowe'en at Hogwarts with greater anticipation than she ever had—the castle was always decorated so spectacularly that she found herself spending a lot of time wandering up and down the corridors, admiring Hagrid’s gigantic pumpkins carved into Jack o’ Lanterns and the live bats that swooped in formation around the entryway.

The rest of the school was clearly far more excited about Quidditch than anything else. It would be Gryffindor versus Slytherin, which always seemed to be the case. Lily attended the Gryffindor matches more out of support for Marlene than for her own enjoyment, and the one that took place on October the 30th was no exception. She donned her red-and-gold scarf, hat and rosette, thinking that she would enjoy herself more if she stayed in the common room and used the quiet time to study, but nevertheless trudged dutifully with the rest of the school down to the Quidditch pitch. She took a seat next to Alice and Frank. Frank too was wearing a red-and-gold rosette and holding a large Gryffindor banner. Alice was looking at him as though she wished nothing more than to devour him on the spot.

The Gryffindor team took the field to thunderous clapping and shouting from the majority of the stands. Potter waved congenially at the crowd and Lily had the sudden thought that he might actually live off of attention the way most people live off food—then she remembered he ate more than anybody else she knew, and was left to conclude that he was just a garden-variety egomaniac. The new members of the team—everybody except Potter, Marlene, and a rather burly sixth year girl who played as a Beater, all appeared quite nervous. She knew they had been practising hard though, and word around school was that their prospects were excellent.

The Slytherin team took the field too, but the applause from the Slytherins in the stands was drowned out by the hisses and jeers from the rest of the crowd. Lily did not join them. She had never understood why someone couldn’t support one team without demeaning the other.

Madam Hooch blew the whistle and both teams kicked off from the ground. Potter, the best Chaser on either team, snatched the Quaffle out of the air before anybody else had time to finish rising, streaked across the pitch like a red blur, and before Lily could blink, had thrown it through the left goal hoop at the Slytherin goalpost. The Slytherin Keeper had not even made it to his station yet and the score was 10-0. The crowd roared.

Potter did a victory lap around the pitch, giving everyone else time to get their bearings. He stopped for a second in front of Lily and gave her a very conspicuous wink. Several people in their section sniggered, and Lily felt her ears going red under her hat. She knew that, despite his skill, half the reason Potter was so good was his broomstick. His parents were very wealthy and he seemed to have a new broomstick every year, always the latest and greatest. This year’s model, the name of which Lily had quite forgotten, was something special, Marlene had told her with no small amount of envy in her voice. It was meant to be exceptionally fast and quick with turns.

Potter scored several more goals within the first few minutes of the match. The other Gryffindor Chasers seemed to exist to pass the Quaffle to him, as Lily could remember only a few instances in which anyone else scored a goal since he joined the team. He celebrated his fourth goal with another victory lap, but the Slytherin Keeper seemed to have cottoned on that if he threw the Quaffle back out onto the pitch while Potter was celebrating, he could circumvent him. Slytherin scored a goal. Lily saw Potter speed up to the Gryffindor Keeper and shout something at him which she could not hear. He shouted back, and the game paused for a moment while they argued.

Lily looked down at the stands and saw something that drew her attention away from the game for a moment. Severus seemed to have only just arrived, and was climbing up into the stands to sit next to a younger boy with straw-coloured hair. Why was he late? Severus was terrible at playing Quidditch, but he had always enjoyed watching Slytherin beat other houses. She didn’t have time to ponder it any further, because the Gryffindor Keeper, now red in the face with anger, threw the Quaffle to one of the other Chasers. He missed, Slytherin caught it, and scored again.

Lily searched the pitch for Marlene. She was soaring high above the stands, looking for the Snitch. The Slytherin Seeker, Sirius Black’s younger brother Regulus, was clearly planning on trying to outstrip her when she caught sight of the Snitch. Lily smiled wryly at herself, he was wasting his time. Marlene knew what she was doing.

The score was now 40-20 in Gryffindor’s favour. Nobody scored for the next twenty minutes or so, and Lily’s eyes grew tired of looking back and forth as the Quaffle changed possession. Suddenly, what appeared to be a large red and green blur came hurtling down from the sky and converged onto the smallest Gryffindor Chaser. Lily only just caught the look of stunned panic on the girl’s face as she fell off her broom and dropped towards the ground below. The red and green blur, which Lily realized in that moment was Marlene and Regulus, who had trailed her so closely that they appeared to be a single entity, pulled out of the dive. Potter, who had been holding the Quaffle and had taken in the situation much more quickly than Lily had, dropped the ball and streaked toward the ground, catching the girl and pulling her onto his broom with him inches before she hit the ground. Lily smiled as the girl’s face changed from white to very pink as she held Potter around the waist as he flew her up to collect her broomstick.

Lily turned her attention to Marlene again. She was holding still in the air, her arm raised and her long ponytail whipping around her face in the high wind. In her fingers, she clutched the struggling Snitch.

\--

The party that ensued that night was as raucous as if they had won the World Cup. Potter and Marlene were both hoisted onto the shoulders of the crowd, Marlene for catching the Snitch, Potter for catching the girl, who was called Emily and was in third year. She was the one whom Potter had told to move over at the Gryffindor table during breakfast on the first morning of term. By the time Marlene was put down onto the common room floor, Black had snuck several bottles of Ogden’s Old firewhiskey down from his dormitory (Lily made a mental note to chastise Potter for allowing him to keep these hidden up there) and, by the looks of him, had already consumed a whole one to himself. He parted the crowd as he strode toward Marlene and swept her up in a very sloppy, very public kiss. There was much whistling and catcalling from the people surrounding them. She kissed him back, but when he had put her down and turned away to go congratulate Potter she wiped her mouth and Lily noticed that she seemed a little more subdued for the rest of the evening.

It was around eleven o’clock when Lily decided to retire to bed. She was one of the first to do so, despite the fact that everyone had lessons the next morning and it was going to be Hallowe'en. She wormed her way through the crowd and up the stairs, and closed the door to her dormitory quietly behind her.

Lily was alone in the room, and thought she might be for some time. She got ready for bed and opened the curtains on her four poster when she noticed a small package, neatly wrapped in brown paper, sitting on her pillow. She picked it up. There was no note attached, so she opened it. She was on good enough terms with the Marauders at the moment that she doubted anyone was looking to pull a joke on her.

Inside was a vial with a crystalline stopper filled with swirling white liquid, and a short note. She picked up the note first and read:

 

_Lily,_

_This is the mood potion I invented. It changes colour according to the emotions of the person who is holding it. I know I’d shown it to you before but I’ve added a few things to improve it. I thought you might like to know._

_\--Severus_

 

She picked up the vial. Immediately, a rainbow of colours began swirling very quickly around, as if each was trying to catch up with the others. Lily glanced around the room for any sign of how he might have gotten it into her dormitory. She heard the door behind her open and shoved the vial, the note and the packaging under her pillow. Marlene entered the room and sat down on her bed, pulling off her Quidditch boots.

“Good match today,” Lily told her, trying not to look as though she had anything to hide. Marlene would not approve of her accepting a gift from Severus.

“Thanks,” Marlene said, in an uncharacteristically quiet voice.

Lily crossed over her bed and sat down next to Marlene.

“What’s wrong?” she asked in a low tone.

“It’s nothing,” said Marlene quickly. “It’s just…”

“What’s going on between you and Black?”

“I…I don’t know. When he kissed me just now…that was the first time he’s even acknowledged me in a week.”

“Did you two have a row?”

“No.” Marlene sounded hurt and confused, two emotions she had never before associated with Marlene. “No, last week we snuck up to the Astronomy tower after dinner and…and then after that he’s been ignoring me—not on purpose, I think, just like he’s forgotten I exist. This isn’t the first time he’s done that though.”

Marlene snorted and then said, in a much more Marlene-ish tone “Well, that’s Black for you isn’t it? Anyway, I’m knackered. Think I’ll try to get some sleep now.”

She pulled her Quidditch robes over her head and Lily knew that this discussion was over. She headed back to her bed and fell asleep, clutching the crystal vial under her pillow.


	6. Hallowe'en Hijinks

Lily awoke on Hallowe'en morning very eager for the day to begin. Students weren’t really allowed to wear costumes, but Lily put on a pair of ginger cat ears made from cloth and conjured a set of whiskers, which she affixed to her cheeks with a temporary sticking charm. She figured that since neither of these things interfered with her uniform, the staff was unlikely to object.

Even the teachers got into the spirit of the day. Professor Flitwick, inspired by Lily’s whiskers, taught them all to conjure little bits and bobs so that by the time they left for History of Magic, everyone was sporting some kind of decoration. Black had a full dog tail sticking out of the back of his trousers. Lily still wasn’t sure how he had managed it.

In Potions, Professor Slughorn announced that they would celebrate by learning the basics of making Skele-Gro. Lily had learnt to make it for fun in fifth year with Severus, so she was certain that they would both get full marks and busied herself by helping Alice along. She and Severus were, so far, sharing the top spot in Potions, though in the back of her mind Lily knew this was only because of the help he had given her on their first day.

She looked over at him and noticed that he was several steps ahead of her, adding Spined Slugs to the mixture. He dropped in one, then two, then three, and then, to her absolute shock, he dropped a fourth into the mixture. Lily felt her jaw drop. Severus shot a furtive glance in her direction, then added a fifth slug surreptitiously with a determined expression on his face.

He had ruined his potion. He would get bottom marks on it now, Lily knew, because it would become glue-like and unable to be poured. He had made this potion before, and done it perfectly the first time. She knew that he had just sabotaged his own grade deliberately. She looked down into her own simmering potion, not even knowing what to think.

“Lily? Lily?” Alice was attempting to get her attention, and she shook her head.

“Yes, I’m sorry,” she said quickly, “Er, what step are you on again?”

She considered approaching him at the end of Potions, but he left so quickly that she didn’t get a chance. Then she thought better of it. It was clear that he hadn’t wanted anyone to see what he was doing, and she didn’t want him to know she’d been watching. She went to the bathroom after class and pulled out the crystal vial of Mood Potion. It was rainbow in colour again and swirling even faster than it had the first time.

\--

After Potions, Lily made her way to the Great Hall for the Hallowe'en Feast. The Marauders were already there, lounging at the table and taking up a lot more space than they usually did. Lily sat down next to Remus. Alice had joined Frank at the Hufflepuff table—the rules about sitting with one’s own house were sometimes relaxed on holidays and Lily knew it was unlikely anyone would ask her to relocate back to the Gryffindor table today.

“Have fun in Potions?” Remus asked her. He was still looking quite scratched up and a bit peaky—the full moon had been just a few days ago.

“I suppose so,” Lily replied, pulling a plate of chicken towards her.

“I heard Alice saying you were making Skele-Gro today,” he continued, not picking up on the hint that she was hesitant to discuss it.

“We started it today. It won’t be finished until tomorrow. How was Care of Magical Creatures?” she said, hoping he would take the bait and switch topics.

“It was fantastic, actually,” he told her. “I reckon James really ought to have taken it with us, he would’ve loved it. We’re studying dragons now. Obviously no one would bring a real dragon into the school or anything,” he said quickly, noticing her startled expression,” but they’ve got lots of pictures and diagrams and these little miniature models of dragons that actually move like real ones, but they fit in the palm of your hand…”

Lily stopped listening to him because Professor McGonagall had just approached their group.

“Mr Potter,” she called, loudly enough to be heard over the chatter.

Potter looked up at her with wide eyes. He held a whole chicken breast in his right hand and an entire jacket potato in his left. The potato dripped cheese into his lap while he wasn’t looking. She could tell that he was searching his brain for something he might’ve done wrong that he was now about to be punished for.

“Professor Dumbledore wishes to see you in his office right away.”

Potter’s entire demeanour changed at the sound of these words. He dropped both the chicken and the potato on his plate and spat his mouthful of food into a napkin, then got up from the table and was gone before Lily could even register what had happened. She turned to Remus.

“What was that about?”

“I haven’t the foggiest idea,” said Remus, and she could tell this time he was just as surprised as she was.

Across the table, Black watched Potter walk away from him with mild curiosity, then turned back to his food. It seemed as though as long as he wasn’t in trouble too, he couldn’t be bothered too much with what they were doing to Potter.

Potter didn’t turn up to the common room after dinner. Most people were playing games at the tables scattered around the room, unable to will themselves to do homework after having such a fun day. Lily tried to focus on the Herbology notes she was reviewing, but Black was lying on the couch in his usual fashion, unmoving, and ignoring Peter, who was attempting to engage him in conversation. Remus was out on patrol. Black’s bad mood was so evident that it was starting to make her feel uncomfortable, his grey eyes darting constantly to the portrait hole as though he was willing Potter to return. Finally, after a couple of hours, Marlene arrived from Quidditch practice and Black scrambled up from the couch to meet her right in front of the portrait hole, leaving Peter mid-sentence.

He shook his shiny hair back from his shoulders and put on his most charming smile, sidled up to Marlene, and said something to her that Lily could not hear. From his attitude though, she could guess the gist of it. Marlene shook her head firmly and looked at the ground, unsmiling. Black’s eyebrows furrowed and he backed up a step, evidently very surprised by her rejection. He shrugged in a would-be casual way and began to walk off back towards the couch. Lily caught sight of his face. He didn’t look embarrassed, just…angry. Lily felt a surge of anger at him for thinking that Marlene would just want to go off with him again after the way he’d been treating her. But just then, Marlene said “wait,” to his retreating back. The angry expression lifted from his face and he turned on his heel back towards her, wearing the same licentious look he had a moment ago. She rolled her eyes but said something else to him in an undertone, and he opened the portrait hole. They disappeared as the portrait swung shut.

Lily chanced a surreptitious look at the Mood Potion in her pocket. It glowed red.

\--

The next morning, Potter came to breakfast late looking as though there had been a full moon last night just for him. Black, who had not returned to the common room with Marlene until after Lily had gone to bed, immediately pounced on him with whispered questions. Lily was sure she could guess the nature of the questions—Where were you? What were you doing without us? Potter merely shrugged and said “Dumbledore asked me to do Head stuff,” then tucked into his bowl of porridge and ignored all Black’s further attempts to wheedle information out of him.

His answer confused Lily more than anybody because, as far as she knew, Professor Dumbledore had done no such thing. She felt certain that if there was anything to be done that involved Heads, she would have been summoned as well as, or perhaps even instead of, Potter. She peered curiously at him but he ignored her as well and finally told everybody to stop talking to him and allow him to eat his breakfast in peace.

He performed poorly in Charms that day, and skived off Arithmancy altogether. Lily had known him to skip classes often, but he had never once missed Arithmancy as it gave him so much opportunity to annoy her. She had been forced back into his company again after the first Arithmancy lesson of term because the two Ravenclaws she had sat between on the first day appeared glued together at the shoulder next class when she walked in, so she took the hint and had sat despondently next to Potter, who had spent every subsequent period trying to keep her from studying as much as possible. She got a lot more done in Arithmancy without him there and hoped that he would make a pattern of missing it.

She went to Potions feeling anxious, and sure enough, Severus’s Skele-Gro was the consistency of rubber and utterly useless. Professor Slughorn looked shocked.

“Mr Snape, I’m very surprised at you! I normally don’t allow this, but would you like to give it another go? I mean, this is hardly the quality of what you usually produce!”

“No Professor,” said Severus quietly. “This is the best I can do.”

“Very well then,” said Professor Slughorn, bewilderment written plainly on his face. He vanished the contents of Severus’s cauldron with his wand.

Lily corked a vial of Skele-Gro at the end of class and brought it up to Professor Slughorn, who looked delighted.

“Full marks again, Lily! I’ll be glad to tell you that you are top of the class as of today!”

Lily felt her cheeks grow red. She suddenly understood why Severus had ruined his potion purposefully. He wanted her to outrank him. This was some kind of weird, roundabout apology—it was very Slytherin of him, she thought, to leave her a secret gift and then bump up her standing in a class by ruining his own as a way of saying he was sorry. It was also not what she was looking for from him—a proper, sincere, verbal apology—not an explanation, which is what he had tried to give whenever they had spoken since—was the only thing she could think of that might soften her resolve to keep away from him. But still, she thought, he must be very sorry indeed. She went to the bathroom after Potions and saw that the Mood Potion was multi-coloured again, but with what appeared to be a larger swirl of yellow.

\--

The next day they began with Defence Against the Dark Arts. Several people had already managed to produce a Patronus strong enough that they could just make out the animals they were supposed to be. Alice’s was still quite misty, but everyone could tell that it was going to be some kind of aquatic creature by the way it moved. Remus had had more success than anybody, once Professor Bones had corrected his wrist movement, and, predictably, produced a wolf. He seemed pleased at the time, but secretly confided in Lily later that he wished it had been just about any other animal.

They set out in pairs to practise, which was what they did most periods nowadays. Potter seemed back to his usual self after a full night’s rest. He was paired with Black, and neither of them had managed to make more than a couple puffs of smoke. Lily reached into her pocket for her wand and her hand bumped against the crystal vial.

Unbidden, the image of Severus’s eleven-year-old face came swimming into her mind, overjoyed as she told him that they would both be going to Hogwarts together for the following school year. His expression filled her with warmth now the same way it had that day. She pulled her wand out of her pocket before she could second-guess herself, held it with determination and said confidently “ _Expecto Patronum_!”

What came out of her wand was so much more powerful and beautiful than anything she had yet to see. She gasped at the sight of it—a bit fuzzy around the edges but prancing about in the air between her and Alice, whose mouth was hanging open. It was unmistakably a female deer.

Potter, who had been standing to her left, let out a sort of choking noise. She turned to look at his face.

“Is…is that a doe?” he asked her in a raspy, unbelieving sort of voice.

“Yes,” she said slowly, very confused. “Clearly.”

He stared at the doe for several more seconds, his jaw looked as if it would unhinge if it dropped any lower. Then he seemed to collect himself and said;

“Well, that settles it then. Do you want to go to Hogsmeade with me this weekend?”

This question was so unconnected that it took her a moment to respond.

“What? No, of course not,” she told him, incredulously.

“You sure about that?” he said, gesturing up at the doe like it might change her answer.

“N—Yes. Yes, I’m sure.”

He didn’t seem the least bit disappointed and continued to gaze fondly up at the doe. He turned back to Black with his usual lopsided grin and said “ _Expecto Patronum_!”

He hadn’t produced a corporeal Patronus, but it was the most silver vapour he’d ever made.

The first Hogsmeade weekend of the year was something Lily was really looking forward to—if for no other reason than to stock her bag full of sweets from Honeydukes to tide her over until next trip. She dreamed of Fudge Flies, Sugar Quills and Fizzing Whizbees from Wednesday until Saturday. The Marauders had been talking excitedly about Zonko’s during breakfast, but then when she lined up with the other students to go into Hogsmeade, only Remus was there.

“James got called away for Head duties again by Professor Dumbledore,” he explained before she could ask, “and Peter’s got too much catching up to do in Charms.”

“What about Black? And have you seen Marlene anywhere?” Lily had been expecting to spend most of the time at Hogsmeade with Marlene, as Alice would certainly be holed up in Madam Puddifoot’s with Frank for many hours.

Remus sighed. “I think you just answered your first question with your second.”

Lily’s disappointment at not being able to see Marlene lasted only a few moments, until she realized this meant that she had the whole day to spend just with Remus, uninterrupted by his friends.

“What do you say Remus? Want to go to Hogsmeade with me?” She grinned at him.

He suddenly looked panicked.

“As friends,” she added, laughing.

He gave a sheepish little smile. “For a second there I was worried. James would kill me.”

She stuck out her elbow and he linked it in his as they walked.

\--

She made a beeline for Honeydukes as soon as they entered the village, and he laughed while she filled her bag to bursting with sweets.

“Hope you didn’t want to buy anything else today,” he said as she crammed one last container of Liquorice Wands into her bag.

“No, I—” she suddenly remembered. “I wanted to get a new quill actually. Can you carry it for me until we get up to school?”

“Course. Can we stop in Zonko’s?” he asked her. “Only I wanted to grab some dungbombs, Pad—Sirius will be furious if we run out.”

His eyes suddenly went wide.

“You didn’t hear that from me.”

She was having such a good time with him that she just giggled. “You’re excused.”

Remus picked up a few things from Zonko’s, then they set off down the high street together, Lily walking with some difficulty now due to her heavy and bulky bag. They stopped in Scrolls and Tomes so that Lily could admire a beautiful book called _Encyclopaedia of Healing_ that she didn’t even want to know the price of. Remus eventually had to drag her away from it. She noticed the closer they got to the Shrieking Shack, the more subdued Remus became, and so she steered well clear of it. The wind was whipping their faces and Remus’s cheeks were pink with cold under the heavy scarring. She grabbed his arm again and gestured towards the Three Broomsticks. He nodded and they walked inside. Lily grabbed them a booth together while he ordered, then returned with, two foaming hot mugs of Butterbeer.

“Ok Remus, here’s the game,” she told him. “You drink your Butterbeer and whoever’s foam moustache touches their nose first wins. But you can’t get any down your front or you lose,” she added, as she saw him start to tip the drink up far enough that the contents would’ve splashed into his lap.

Lily won easily and she assured him that, as this was his first time playing, she wasn’t surprised. He did manage to inhale a large quantity of Butterbeer up his nose and she laughed loudly as he sputtered. Then he tried to take a drink, started laughing too, and more Butterbeer spewed out of his nose onto the table. He looked so silly that Lily was gasping for breath, trying hard not to drip Butterbeer out of her own nose.

“This exact thing happened once,” she said between giggles, “when I was here with— “

As soon as she realized what she’d been about to say, she felt her smile melt off her face. Remus snorted to get more Butterbeer out of his nose, then noticed she had gone quiet.

“You used to come here with Severus, didn’t you?” he said quietly.

“Yes,” she told him honestly. “This was our game, actually. No matter,” she said, shaking her head and gazing at him. “I have you now.”

Remus came around to her side of the booth, put his arm around her, and gave her a squeeze. Now that he had moved, she saw that the head on the other side of where he had been sitting was dark and greasy, and she felt her heart somewhere in the vicinity of her stomach as Severus got up abruptly from the table and left the Three Broomsticks without a word to his companions.

Lily felt so badly about this that the rest of the trip was all but ruined. She checked her mood potion in the bathroom and saw that it was a velvety dark blue streaked with black. Remus tried his absolute best to cheer her up—he even offered to let off a dung bomb outside the Shrieking Shack so that people would think that the ghosts supposedly living there were party animals—but she was unable to muster more than a chuckle at his suggestion. Finally, he directed her towards a deserted bench off the high street and they sat down.

“Alright, Lily. I think it’ll do you some good to talk about Severus. What’s been going on this year?”

She looked up into his concerned face and felt her eyes well with tears. She sniffled and stared up at the sky, willing them to go away.

“I don’t mind if you cry,” he said, in his usual quiet way.

“Good,” she said, her voice quavering, “I’m not sure if I have much choice in the matter.”

She did manage to mostly hold herself together though as she talked about how Severus had begun trying to approach her at the end of last year, how he had saved her Draught of Madness on the first day of potions, and how he had deliberately taken bottom marks on his Skele-Gro so that she would pass him as top of Potions. She neglected to mention the Mood Potion, or the fact that she was able to conjure a corporeal Patronus with a memory of his face, these were things she wasn’t sure she’d ever be comfortable telling anybody.

Remus didn’t look the least bit surprised at any of this information. She got the feeling that he understood a great deal more about other people than he let on. At last, when she had wiped away the few tears that had escaped her eyes, she looked back at him.

“What should I do?” she whispered. “Should I forgive him?”  
“I can’t tell you that, I’m afraid,” said Remus simply. “Do you think he deserves it? More importantly, do you think he won’t hurt you again?”

“I’m not sure how much he still needs me. He’s got quite a lot of friends now, he never seemed to have any before.”

“He’s been hanging round with a new crowd this year, I’ve noticed. Regulus--that’s Sirius’s brother, he’s a sixth year—and Edmund Crabbe from our year. I think he’s actually related to Sirius too—his cousin Rodolphus married Sirius’s cousin Bellatrix over the summer, and Barty Crouch,” Remus told her. “James reckons they’re all bad news.”

Lily snorted. “I don’t give a toss what Jam—what Potter thinks of anybody.”

“I know,” Remus added quickly, “but it’s not just James. The Lestranges are about as maniacal about pure-blood stuff as the Blacks, maybe even more so. Especially Bellatrix, Sirius tells me she’s as bad as they come.”

“What about Crouch?” asked Lily. “He’s that little blond one, right? I saw Severus sitting with him at the Quidditch match.”

“I don’t know much about him,” Remus admitted, “Except that his father works in the Ministry. Very high up—James is sure he’s in line to become Minister for Magic.”

“Does he know who his son hangs round with at school?” Lily asked.

“I very much doubt it, if his father is as strict as the rumours say. It could derail his career if his son gets too mixed up with those people,” said Remus.

The wind was starting to pick up again and Lily was cold.

“Come on,” she stood and held out a hand to help Remus up (he was now carrying her heavy bag), “it’s nearly time to go.”

They made their way back up the high street towards school. Most of the other students had already gathered to form a line, and Lily and Remus joined them in companionable silence. She felt much better in some ways after talking to Remus—even though she had not reached a conclusion, it was nice just to discuss it with someone. On the other hand, she felt a great sense of unease about the information he had given her. She had never gotten a good impression of Severus’s friends, but now she was utterly certain that he was hanging around with the wrong people. How could she trust him not to hurt her again if these were the kind of influences he had whispering in his ear?


	7. Gossips and Gatherings

As November neared ending, Lily’s curiosity about what Potter was up to had grown. He had disappeared no less than four times since Halloween—always abruptly, and never gave anyone the slightest hint as to where he’d been. Black had stopped asking at breakfast, either because Potter had told him what was going on, or he had given up trying to get him to do so. Potter would stumble blearily down to breakfast and slump down at the table next to Black.

“Another late night?” Black would ask.

“Yep.”

“Me too, if you know what I mean,” Black would reply, tilting his head in Marlene’s direction.

Every time Potter didn’t return from dinner, Black would ask Marlene to accompany him somewhere. She would spend a couple of minutes hemming and hawing, and then decide to go with him, and they would leave out the portrait hole and not come back until very early the next morning. At all other times, Black acted as though Marlene did not exist. Marlene hadn’t said anything else to Lily about him, but she could see the strain this arrangement was putting on her, and she resented Black very much for it.

Something of a change had come over Potter, seemingly as a result of these outings. He was taking his Head duties a lot more seriously than ever before, so it came as a quite a nasty shock when he once completely missed their patrol without telling her where he’d got to. Lily was murderously angry, and the next morning at breakfast, rather than trying to avoid her wrath, he immediately approached her.

“Lily, I’m so sorry I missed our patrol yesterday,” he spoke before she could say anything.

She was so surprised at him that she just stared.

“I was doing something Dumbledore asked me to do, and I didn’t get a chance to tell you I’d be out. I’ve got Quidditch practice tonight, but I can skip it and do a patrol if you need me to.”

“So, it’s not Head duties then,” she said, ignoring his question. “What you’re doing for Professor Dumbledore?”

He looked pained, as though he very much wished to tell her what was going on, but could not. He smiled tightly at her.

“Do you need me tonight? Or can I go to Quidditch practice?” She could tell that he really wanted to play Quidditch, and was only asking her because he truly felt badly about ditching her yesterday.

“You can go,” she said, surprising even herself. “It wasn’t that bad without you last night anyway.”

She had no idea why she had spared his feelings, or accepted his apology so quickly, but she felt no trace of anger towards him as he thanked her and took his seat next to Black for their usual exchange on these mornings.

\--

Severus had neither spoken to her nor looked at her since the first Hogsmeade weekend, and she still felt miserably guilty every time she saw him. This didn’t stop her from enjoying the Mood Potion. She had started to figure out what the colours meant by holding it when she understood exactly how she felt. One morning, after she had conjured not only a tea set, but an entire canopy, complete with table sets and centrepieces beautiful enough for a wedding, and Professor Flitwick had given her so many bonus points that she was pretty sure she’d pass Charms even if she didn’t do another homework assignment for the rest of term, she had held the vial and the potion had turned a sunny yellow. It turned blue when she held it while thinking about Severus, and red when she was thinking about Black. When Potter managed to transfigure his hair into long dread locks and she only succeeded in singeing her ends, causing Professor McGonagall to give her extra homework, the potion turned green. And once, when she had come to drag him away from Quidditch practice in a thundering rainstorm for a Prefects meeting, Potter had stripped out of his soaking robes and removed the tee shirt he was wearing beneath them before he had even hit the showers. Lily’s stomach made that same little somersault, and she pulled out the vial of potion when no one was looking. It turned an unfamiliar pinkish-purple colour that she wasn’t sure she wanted to know the meaning of, and she quickly shoved it back into her pocket and tried to forget about it.

\--

As she was leaving Charms in the morning on the last Thursday of November, Potter asked Lily if he could talk to her for a moment alone.

“I’m not going out with you,” she told him at once in a monotone.

“Actually, I was going to ask if you were going to Old Slughorn’s party tomorrow night.”

“You’re still asking me out again, and I’m still saying no.”

“No, I’m not asking you out this time. I wanted to see if you could…” he paused here and he had that same pained look on his face, like he was debating whether or not to tell her a secret, then he shook his head and grinned widely.

“I just wanted to tell you you should wear that red dress from last time. It’s smashing.”

He walked away from her before she could retort.

\--

The next day, Lily was rushing from her last class of the day, Herbology, back to her dormitory as quickly as she could. She was due to be at dinner with Professor Slughorn in about fifteen minutes and had not changed out of her school robes yet. She hurtled down a corridor in an upper floor when her arm was yanked to the side and behind a tapestry.

Lily whirled around and found herself nose-to-nose with Potter. He’d been on one of his sojourns last night and she hadn’t seen him in Arithmancy today either. He looked exceptionally tired, his hair very messy and his eyes surrounded by dark circles.

“Lily, are you still going to Slughorn’s party tonight?” he asked her in an urgent whisper.

“Yes but I told you, I’m not taking you,” she told him hotly. “And even if I wanted to, I wouldn’t today…you look terrible.”

He brushed this comment aside and looked her straight in the eyes.

“I need you to do something for me,” he told her very seriously. “It’s extremely important.”

There wasn’t a trace of teasing in his manner. He had one hand on each of her shoulders and was shaking slightly.

“Jam—Potter, what’s the matter with you?”

“Never mind me. Don’t tell anyone what I’m about to say, but promise me you’ll help me with something.”

“Yes,” she told him, still not sure why she was agreeing to things he suggested. “What is it?”

“I need you to ask Slughorn tonight about who Bellatrix Lestrange was dating in her last year of Hogwarts.”

Of all the bizarre requests he had made of her, this was by far the least comprehensible thing to ever come out of his mouth. She put a hand to his forehead.

“Are you sure you’re feeling al— “

“I’m fine!” he spat, clearly getting frustrated. He took a deep breath and continued, in a much calmer voice. “Look, I can’t explain to you how important this is. I need you to ask him about it because…” he looked as if he was debating internally about what to tell her, then sighed. “It has to do with what Dumbledore has put me up to.”

“Are you going to tell me what you’ve been doing?” she asked him immediately.

“I s’pose I’ll have to,” he said, running his hands thorough his hair differently than he usually did, like he was angry with himself “but I can’t do it right now. I wouldn’t have even asked you to do this at all if I could’ve done it myself but Old Sluggy doesn’t like me— “

“That’s because you replaced everything in the supply closet with stink pellets in third year,” she reminded him. He continued as though she hadn’t spoken.

“—and it would be too weird for me to just start talking to him again after I dropped his class in fifth year. It has to be you.”

“Okay,” she heard herself saying. “Okay. If I do it, will you tell me later why?”

“Yes,” he promised, looking very sincere. “I’ll tell you everything I know later, come find me after you get back.”

“It might be quite late, sometimes his parties don’t end until one or two— “

“I’ll wait up,” he said firmly.

She took in his exhausted appearance again. She doubted that he would be able to stay awake until the wee hours, as he appeared to have not had any sleep since the night before last. She sighed.

“Okay Potter. I’ll see you later.”

\--

Her detour with Potter had cost her time. She tossed her school robes onto Marlene’s bed, grabbed the first dress she saw, which was incidentally the red one Potter had suggested, pulled it on, raked a comb through her hair, and ran barefoot down to the dungeon in which Slughorn’s party was to take place, carrying her high heeled shoes. She stopped outside his door, put the shoes on, and stepped inside.

People were already seated at the round table, but it didn’t look as though dinner had yet started. Several seats were still empty, including one directly to Slughorn’s right.

“Lily!” he boomed, “come sit next to me, will you?”

She gladly took the open seat next to Slughorn and put on her most winning smile. The food was excellent, as Slughorn was a bit of a connoisseur, and she complimented every dish. Slughorn beamed at her and asked her fondly how her Potions essay was coming along.

Lily had been intending to talk to him about the Potions essay anyway, and she spent most of dinner deep in conversation with him about it. She made small talk with several other people rather reluctantly—she came to these parties for Professor Slughorn, not for the other people he invited to them. Regulus Black was there as usual, looking almost as handsome as his brother and much more conceited. He was sitting next to Barty Crouch, who was talking to a beautiful Slytherin girl seated on his other side.

“Miss Zabini,” Slughorn said, addressing the beautiful girl next to Crouch, “was telling me the other day that she is going to be on the cover of Witch Weekly. Not even out of school yet, and already breaking hearts!”

The girl named Zabini gave him a truly dazzling smile and a tinkling laugh, then turned her attention back to Barty Crouch, who appeared quite enraptured by her. Regulus Black was not talking to anybody, apparently he had expected to spend most of the evening with his friend Crouch and had been ditched for the pretty girl.

Lily suddenly saw a way to divert the conversation to the topic Potter wanted her to ask about.

“Regulus,” she called across the table.

Regulus Black looked up as if not sure he had heard correctly. Lily had never addressed him by his first name before, nor indeed did she think they had ever spoken a single word to one another.

“Yes?” he asked uncertainly.

“Is it true that your cousin Bellatrix got married over the summer?” Lily asked him conversationally.

“Yes,” he said again, looking even more confused.

“That’s lovely,” she crooned in a falsely sweet voice. “I want to hear all about it!”

“Oh yes, Regulus,” Professor Slughorn added, as Lily had hoped he would. “Bellatrix was in my house as well. She married Rodolphus Lestrange, didn’t she? I was surprised I wasn’t invited!”

“It was a small ceremony,” said Regulus, very uncomfortably. “Just family.”

“How nice!” Lily crooned, still in that same cheery tone. “Were they together while they were in school?”

“Oh no,” said Professor Slughorn, before Regulus could reply, “she had some older man. Bellatrix dropped Potions after her OWLs, couldn’t have kept her, I’m afraid, didn’t qualify for NEWTs…but I heard through the grapevine, as one does, that she had some man she was in love with before she left school. It must not have worked out, though— “

“That’s too bad—I mean, that’s good obviously, because she ended up with Rodolphus, but it’s always hard when your first love doesn’t work out.” She knew she was babbling a little, trying to cover up her mistakes, but she’d never had an agenda like this before. Regulus was looking at her very strangely now, as if he was unsure whether to worry about her or be afraid of her.

“Yes,” sighed Professor Slughorn, “it is. Why I remember…”

“Who was it?” she plunged ahead, before she lost her nerve.

“My Hogwarts sweetheart? Oh it was— “

“No, no,” Lily said quickly. “Who was Bellatrix in love with before Rodolphus?”

Professor Slughorn shrugged, and looked to Regulus.

“I don’t know,” said Regulus, and now he looked annoyed as well as confused. “She wouldn’t’ve told me.”

“Ah well,” said Lily carelessly, “now Professor, what were you saying about when you were at school?”

As Professor Slughorn launched into a long-winded story about the girl he had dated in his sixth year, Lily found her thoughts straying to Potter and she felt a surge of disappointment. She had failed in the task he had given her, he needed to know who Bellatrix had been dating in her final year at Hogwarts and she couldn’t tell him. And she couldn’t bring it up again, it would seem very suspicious and she couldn’t risk it—she didn’t know much about what Potter had been doing, other than that it was very secretive.

She went back up to Gryffindor tower after the party carrying her shoes again and walking very slowly. She had made it almost all the way to the portrait of the Fat Lady, when a voice came from behind a suit of armour in the corridor.

“Lily!” it whispered. She recognized Potter’s voice.

“Potter?” she whispered back uncertainly. She could see where his voice was coming from, but there was no one there.

What happened next might have been the single most startling, incredible thing that had happened in Lily’s life. Potter’s hand darted out from nowhere and pulled her behind the suit of armour. Before she could say or do anything, she felt cloth being pulled over her head and suddenly she was so close to Potter’s face that she could feel his breath on her cheek. The rest of the corridor looked as though she was seeing it through a veil.

“How’d it go?” he asked her without preamble.

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered, “I’m so sorry I tried but I couldn’t find out his name— “

“I don’t need his name,” Potter said hurriedly. “Dumbledore just wanted to know if it was someone at Hogwarts or— “

“No,” she said, her disappointment quickly evaporating into excitement, “It was someone older, someone outside Hogwarts.”

James looked directly into her eyes, despite his obvious physical tiredness, his face was alight.

“Lily, thanks. I can’t thank you enough. We’ve got to go tell Dumbledore.”

“Now?” Lily asked him, incredulous.

“Of course now,” said James—when had he become James and not Potter? — “he’s waiting for me to report to him.”

“Can we just walk there normally? What is this thing we’re under?” she asked him, suddenly remembering that they were enveloped in what appeared to be a very light, fluid-like blanket.

“This is my Invisibility Cloak,” James said matter-of-factly, but gave no further explanation as to why he had it or where he got it.

“Okay,” she said slowly, resolving to grill him about it later. “Explain to me why we can’t walk to the Headmaster’s office without being invisible.”

James shook his head.

“You’re wearing a dress, if we were in our robes we could just say we were patrolling late, but it’ll be simpler to just go like this.”

Lily looked down and realized he was wearing pyjamas. He grabbed her hand.

“Crouch down while you walk,” he said helpfully. “All four of us used to be able to stand under this thing but I’m afraid we’ve grown…so bend down and stick close to me.”

She knew that when he said “all four of us” he meant the other Marauders. She suddenly understood how they’d managed to pull off so many pranks in the middle of the night.

They were about two floors up from Professor Dumbledore’s office when she heard footsteps. James pulled her back behind another suit of armour and pulled a piece of parchment out of the pocket of his pyjama bottoms.

Lily leaned toward the parchment as he unfolded it. It looked empty. James touched his wand to the surface of the parchment and said, so quietly it was less than a whisper;

“I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.”

Little lines crisscrossed along the parchment. She watched as they snaked together to make out corridors, classrooms, and towers. Along the top, she read the words:

 

_Messrs Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs, Purveyors of Aids to Magical Mischief Makers are proud to present The Marauders Map_

 

Little dots appeared on the map, mostly concentrated in the places she knew to be the dormitories of all four houses. Here and there a teacher’s name appeared in offices or corridors. And, right where she reckoned they ought to be standing…

“James Potter, Lily Evans,” she read aloud in a whisper, hardly believing what she was seeing.

“Shh!” said James.

The dots for _James Potter_ and _Lily Evans_ were so close together that they were practically on top of one another, the letters from their names jumbling together on the parchment. And, headed down the same corridor they were standing in, was _Barty Crouch_.

“He’s not supposed to be out of bed,” hissed Lily.

“Shh!” said James, again.

Coming from the other direction was another name, _Regulus Black_. Lily stifled a gasp.

Crouch reached them first and, looking around to see that no one was watching, ducked into an empty classroom. Lily wished she knew how to breathe without making a sound, an art James appeared to have mastered.

Regulus Black came sweeping up next and went into the same classroom, also looking round before he shut the door behind them.

“Come on,” James mouthed at her and together they crept silently towards the closed door. Lily was very grateful she had removed her shoes before being pulled under the cloak. The sound of her heels tapping on the stone floor would have given them away.

“…a terrible place to meet, Regulus,” Crouch was saying.

“I didn’t see you coming up with anything better,” Regulus drawled. His voice was so similar to his brother’s that Lily would’ve thought it was Sirius speaking if she didn’t know better.

“I’ve spoken to Crabbe and Severus,” Crouch continued. “They agree with me. We need to find a more secure meeting place.” He spoke with finality, in a commanding voice that belied his youth. It was very different from the flirtatious tone he took with the girl named Zabini earlier at the party.

“Why?” demanded Regulus. “What do you all think is going to happen? You really should have your head examined, Barty, you’re starting to get paranoid. You’ll be as bad as him soon…”

“Shut up,” Crouch said suddenly. He had dropped his official voice and was speaking in a furious hiss now. “You have no idea who might be listening to us.”

“Fine,” Regulus drawled again. “Whatever Barty. I’ll give it some thought and let you know.”

It appeared as though their conversation was over.

“That was really weird, wasn’t it? At Slughorn’s party?” said Crouch suddenly, breaking out of his hiss.

Lily felt her stomach churning.

“What was weird?” asked Regulus.

“That Evans girl, asking about Bellatrix. Do you think she knows something?” Crouch sounded a bit anxious now.

Regulus scoffed.

“She’s a Gryffindor, Barty, like my stupid brother. She doesn’t know anything. Girls love gossip and talking about weddings, don’t you know that? God you need to learn more about women. No wonder you couldn’t get a date with Zabini,” Regulus told him in a nasty, teasing voice.

“Anyway,” said Crouch, clearly not keen to continue a discussion about his love life, “you think about it, and I’ll talk to Severus, and we’ll decide what to do.”

Lily felt James’s hand on her sternum and he pushed gently. They walked carefully backward, giving the door plenty of room to swing open without hitting them. Regulus and Crouch exited the room and, without saying anything to one another, headed off down the corridor in opposite directions again.

\--

They consulted the map every few feet as they made their way back up to Professor Dumbledore’s office. Once outside it, James stopped her once more and pointed at the map. Professor Dumbledore was not alone. There was another dot there labelled with a name Lily had never heard before, _Arthur Weasley_.

“Chocolate frogs,” James whispered to the gargoyle guarding the entrance. It opened and allowed them to ascend up the stone staircase. The door that led into his study was ajar. He was in the middle of what appeared to be a rather light conversation with the man called Arthur Weasley.

“And how is Molly?” said Professor Dumbledore, in a fond sort of way.

“Excellent, thank you Dumbledore. We’re expecting again, by the way.”

“So soon? How delightful. You had mentioned you were hoping for a girl?”

“Yes well, I can keep dreaming can’t I? This one’s another boy. In fact,” said Arthur Weasley, “we’re thinking of naming him after you, Dumbledore.”

There was a pause.

“I would be deeply honoured,” said Professor Dumbledore, even more fondly.

“Not Albus, Molly didn’t like that idea much, I’m afraid. We were thinking of using one of your other names—Percival, perhaps.”

“Percival is probably my favourite of my names,” Professor Dumbledore said. “Apart from Brian.”

“I should be getting home now, though, wouldn’t want Molly to worry. She’ll have already put Bill and Charlie to bed. I’ll come back next week if I have more information for you.”

Lily and James flattened themselves against the wall of the staircase as a tall, bespectacled man with a head of thick red hair made his way down into the corridor, closing the door to the office behind him. When the gargoyle had shut after him, James held the tip of his wand to the map again and muttered;

“Mischief managed.”

Lily watched in amazement as the lines and dots disappeared, until the parchment was once again blank.

“Best not to mention this to Dumbledore,” James said, yanking the cloak off of them and tucking it away in his bag. He knocked on the door.

“Come in, Mr Potter,” said Professor Dumbledore.

James opened the door and gestured for her to enter.

“After you.”


	8. Tools of the Troublemaker's Trade

If Professor Dumbledore was surprised to see Lily accompanying James, he did not show it. His half-moon spectacles glittered in the torchlight that bounced off the shining silver instruments, giving the impression that the place was covered in fairy lights. His face looked quite serene as he gestured for them to sit in the same straight-backed chairs that they had used during their Heads meeting.

“Mr Potter has informed me that you would be joining us this evening, Miss Evans” Professor Dumbledore told her.

Lily nodded and looked at James, who squirmed a little in his seat.

“I had originally hoped not to involve anyone else in this business,” said Professor Dumbledore, looking over his spectacles at James, who was not meeting his eye, “but Mr Potter says that your assistance was unavoidable, and that he has promised to tell you everything he knows in return for your cooperation.”

“That’s right,” said Lily, her heart pounding madly. She had never been so curious in all her life.

“I’m sorry Professor Dumbledore,” said James, clearly unable to stand feeling guilty a second longer. “I had no choice. Slughorn— “

“ _Professor_ Slughorn, James.”

“—right, Professor Slughorn doesn’t like me and I knew Lily would be able to handle it. She’s trustworthy, and smart, and I could really use her.”

“I agree with you,” said Professor Dumbledore quietly.

James sighed noisily in relief and slumped back in his chair. He looked utterly exhausted.

“You may be wondering, Miss Evans, why I chose Mr Potter here to be Head Boy this year? I am assuming you thought that Mr Lupin would be selected.”

This was something Lily had not thought about for a long time, but it was an unanswered question and she nodded. She found she no longer cared why James was Head Boy, it seemed of little consequence compared to what they were doing tonight.

“This concerns the workings of the wizards who are calling themselves Death Eaters,” said Professor Dumbledore, “in the outside world, beyond the walls of Hogwarts. Lord Voldemort is attempting to gather witches and wizards that he deems worthy, those from long lines of magical families…”

“Pure-bloods,” Lily added, to show that she understood this concept.

“Yes, and together, they are looking to purge the magical world of anyone with Muggle heritage.”

“It’s rubbish,” spat James angrily. She felt a surge of happiness at his righteous indignation on the behalf of Muggle-borns. On her behalf.

“I have never found that magical abilities have the slightest correlation to a person’s heritage,” Professor Dumbledore continued, as though James had not interrupted him. “and the vast majority of the wizarding community agrees with me, including many all-magical families such as the Potters. I wish to see this movement ended, though I’m afraid it appears to be gaining momentum, rather than dying out.”

Lily didn’t feel even slightly afraid for her own safety. If Professor Dumbledore was on the side of the Muggle-borns, then the opposition didn’t stand a chance.

“I chose Mr Potter as Head Boy because I needed him to have the freedom to move about the castle and report to me. I have been in close correspondence with his mother and father over the summer, and they have imparted upon him enough information that he is able to make more sense than most of any whispers or rumours he hears.”

Lily looked sideways at James. It was like she was seeing him again for the first time, not as the troublemaker she’d known all these years, but as someone dependable, courageous, and willing to stand up for the rights of a group of people he didn’t even belong to.

“I believe that this movement of witches and wizards is attempting to recruit others within the school. Mr Potter has informed me that secret meetings have been taking place in empty classrooms between several other students, and he has been spending his nights walking the corridors,” said Professor Dumbledore.

“What have you found out so far?” Lily asked Professor Dumbledore earnestly.

“Well, they’re all Slytherins,” James started, before Professor Dumbledore could open his mouth again. This was more like the James she knew, thought Lily, trying to one-up other people by showing off about how much he knew. “Edmund Crabbe, Regulus Black, Barty Crouch and Sniv—Snape,” James said, correcting himself just in time.

“But Severus is Half-blood!” cried Lily.

He shrugged, suddenly looking much colder towards her than he had all night.

“Why are you still calling him Severus?” demanded James. “He’s not your friend anymore, is he?”

The Mood Potion, which was upstairs in her robes, felt like a lead weight, despite the fact that she wasn’t currently carrying it. She felt guilty just for having it.

“No,” said Lily, matching his coldness. “No, thanks to you, I haven’t spoken to Severus in a long time.”

“That’s not my fault,” snapped James immediately. “I didn’t call you the M word.”

“You goaded him,” said Lily, and she felt angry at him all over again, “if you hadn’t been humiliating him in front of everybody like that— “

Professor Dumbledore shifted ever so slightly and Lily suddenly remembered that they were supposed to meeting together. She could argue with James about this any old time.

“We believe they are reporting,” Professor Dumbledore continued, again ignoring the interruption, “to someone outside of school. Mr Potter has given me reason to believe that it might be Bellatrix Lestrange.”

“She’s Siri—” James began, but Lily cut him off.

“I know who Bellatrix Lestrange is,” she said sharply.

“I feel strongly that Bellatrix may be an instrumental figure in the group of people calling themselves the Death Eaters, but she does not possess the charisma that would be needed to gain so many followers.”

“Why do you think that, Professor?” asked Lily quickly.

Professor Dumbledore was quiet for a moment. Then he said,

“I have my suspicions. The information Mr Potter asked you to gain tonight may help to confirm those suspicions. Were you able to gain anything from speaking with Professor Slughorn?”

“Yeah,” James butted in, “she did it! She found— “

“I’m the one who did the asking,” Lily said loudly, over him. “I’ll tell him, thanks very much.”

James went quiet. He looked very disappointed that he would not be the one revealing the news.

“Please continue, Miss Evans.”

“Well, Professor Slughorn told me that she was in love with someone older during her last year at Hogwarts,” Lily started.

“Was it someone she was seeing, or someone she merely wished to be seeing?” asked Professor Dumbledore in a patient sort of voice.

Lily thought for a second.

“Er, Professor Slughorn made it sound as if she was dating him, but I don’t think he ever said that specifically. It could’ve just been somebody she was interested in.”

Professor Dumbledore nodded.

“I’m sorry,” she started again, “I didn’t get his name, I didn’t want to keep asking questions because it was starting to look really suspicious— “

“I do not need his name,” said Professor Dumbledore, looking at her kindly. “Your information has been most helpful, Miss Evans. In the future, when I need assistance, I shall call on both of you.”

Lily was not sure how her meagre findings could’ve possibly been so useful, but she swelled with pride nonetheless on becoming part of Professor Dumbledore’s inner circle.

“Now, I think it is time for you to be getting to bed,” he told them with a pointed look at James.

Lily glanced at the clock on the desk and was startled to discover it was nearly three o’clock in the morning. She was wide awake and still buzzing with questions.

“Thanks Professor,” said James, and Lily could tell he meant it. He seemed really relieved about having someone else to share his burden with, despite the fact that they were annoyed with one another at the moment.

“I suggest that you return quickly to Gryffindor Tower in order to avoid suspicion,” said Professor Dumbledore. “Neither of you appear as though you are dressed for patrols.”

Lily looked down again at her red dress, and at James’s pyjamas. James opened the door for her once again and they exited the circular room onto the staircase, then he threw the cloak over her head once again and moved closer so that they were shoulder to shoulder. They crouched down so that the cloak would hide both their feet, and they exited from behind the gargoyle into the hallway.

They walked back to the common room in silence. She couldn’t tell if James wasn’t speaking because he was still annoyed with her, or whether he just wanted to make sure no one found them. They didn’t pass anyone on the way back, and when they got to the portrait hole, the Fat Lady was snoozing with her head up against the side of her frame.

“Hippogriffs,” whispered James.

The Fat Lady gave a great grunting snore and swung open without really awakening, allowing James and Lily to crawl back into the common room, which was completely deserted.

James pulled off the Invisibility Cloak and then they were standing there, staring at each other. He spoke first.

“I’m really sorry about being snappish back in Dumbledore’s office,” he said. “I was out of line. I’m just really tired.”

He looked it too. Lily could tell he was desperate for bed, and despite the fact that she wanted nothing more than to ask him the thousands of questions that were bursting inside her head, she knew it would be cruel to deprive him of sleep much longer.

“It’s okay,” she told him honestly.

He nodded. The circles under his eyes appeared to be growing darker as she watched, but he didn’t seem to be moving in the direction of his dormitory.

“Thanks again,” he said, in a bit of a rush. “I’m really glad Dumbledore has let you in on everything. I don’t think I could’ve stood doing it by myself much longer.”

This was the first time she could remember him ever admitting to any amount of vulnerability.

“Me too,” she said softly. “I can’t imagine what this has been like for you…”

He suddenly lurched forward and wrapped her up in a vicelike hug. She didn’t even have time to decide whether or not to hug him back before he had let go and was murmuring a goodnight, dragging himself up the stairs to his dormitory, the Invisibility Cloak trailing behind him like a security blanket.

Lily couldn’t remember ever being less tired, but she nevertheless dressed for bed and got in, completely forgetting to check her Mood Potion to see what it thought she might be feeling now, and surprisingly fell asleep almost as soon as her head touched the pillow.

\--

The next morning, a Saturday, Lily got up and made to dress for breakfast. As she did, she noticed Marlene sitting on her bed, staring at her from across the room.

“What’d I do?” asked Lily, hoping Marlene hadn’t noticed that she had been gone most of the previous night.

Marlene unfolded her arms, which had been crossed, and Lily saw with a nasty lurch in her stomach that she was holding the crystal vial of Mood Potion.

“Where did you get that?” Lily asked her quietly.

“I found it in your robes,” said Marlene. “You threw them on my bed last night when you were getting ready for Slughorn’s party and I put them on by accident this morning. Then I felt this in the pocket.”

She held up the Mood Potion and shook it back and forth.

“What is this?” she asked. “And why is changing colour?”

“It’s just,” Lily started, unsure of how to finish so as to get Marlene to give it back to her and stop asking questions. “It was a gift.”

As soon as she said that, she wished she hadn’t.

“From whom?” said Marlene, setting her jaw. Lily had a sneaking suspicion that Marlene knew perfectly well whom it was from, but she wanted to hear it from Lily.

“It was anonymous,” Lily lied.

Marlene just stared at her.

“Okay. It was from Severus,” she said quickly, “but I— “

“Why are accepting gifts from Snape?” Marlene demanded. “I thought you were done with him.”

“I was,” said Lily, “I mean, I am. I—can I have it back?”

“What does it do?” asked Marlene.

Lily noticed that the potion appeared to be a dark purple, a colour she had never seen it take on before. Then she realized it was simply a mixture of red and blue streaks spinning so fast that they blended together at a distance.

“It changes colour randomly,” Lily lied again, “I just thought it was pretty. I didn’t keep it because of him.”

Marlene glared furiously at her. Lily could tell that Marlene knew she was lying, but she was desperate to get the potion back from her and fully aware that Marlene might simply smash it onto the floor if she made a wrong move.

This tense moment was interrupted by raucous laughter from the common room, which was unmistakably Black’s. Marlene turned her head in the direction of the common room. The potion in her hand stopped spinning and turned almost completely blue.

“Fine,” said Marlene in a tone that suggested she was anything but, “have it back.”

She tossed it to Lily, who scrambled for it and managed not to let it slip through her fingers.

“Just know that I think it’s a really bad idea.”

And with that, she stalked out of the dormitory.

\--

James was not at breakfast, Lily imagined he must be having a bit of a lie-in after not sleeping for so long. None of the other Marauders seemed to think anything of it—Black was sitting next to Marlene, but was turned away from her and talking exclusively to Peter and Remus. They got up from the table after they had finished eating and wandered out into the direction of the Black Lake. Lily felt it was rather thoughtless of them not to bring James any breakfast, and she gathered some toast and bacon for him in a napkin, which she brought back up to Gryffindor Tower. She climbed the stairs that led up to the boys’ dormitories and reached a door on the first landing with a little plaque that read “Seventh Years.” She knocked, then opened it.

James was the only one in the room, still fast asleep, on top of the covers of the still-made bed. One arm hung over the side, and there was a sizeable puddle of drool under the cheek that was resting on the pillow. He had not thought to remove his glasses before collapsing, and they were askew—looking alarmingly in danger of being squashed. Lily placed the napkin full of food onto his bedside table and reached forward carefully to take them off. He woke with a start as soon as she touched them.

“Lily,” he said hoarsely, “what…is something…”

“No, nothing’s wrong,” she said, soothingly. “I was just trying to remove your spectacles before they broke, you didn’t take them off last night when you went to bed. I brought you some breakfast for when you’re ready to wake up.”

“Thanks,” he muttered vaguely, closing his eyes again. Lily folded his glasses and placed them next to the napkin containing his breakfast.

She looked around the room. It was astonishingly untidy—clothes strewn all about, bits of unfinished sandwiches and cups half-full of pumpkin juice littered every surface along with wadded-up paper, tissues and sweets wrappers. Lily felt very glad that she did not have to sleep in this dormitory.

She tiptoed out as quietly as possible and stopped at the door, for a little longer than she would’ve cared to admit, to look back at James’s peaceful face.

\--

Lily spent the morning in the common room, studying Transfiguration. It was very cold outside and already snowing, despite the fact that it was not yet December. A lot of people were ice skating on the surface of the lake, and the common room was much emptier than it usually would’ve been on a Saturday. She was still frustrated at her lack of progress in Transfiguration. It was as if she had always been missing some kind of crucial step in the process of turning one object into another, and was still unable to locate it. Her wand movements and incantations were perfect…

“Lily!”

She was interrupted by a whisper coming from the staircase to the boys’ dormitories. She looked up and saw James’s face peering at her from the doorway. He would not be visible to the other people in the room. He beckoned to her to follow him, and she closed her book as he turned around and headed back up the stairs. She followed suit and he led her back into his empty dormitory, shutting the door firmly behind them.

Lily had been so focused on him earlier that she didn’t even notice the odour. It smelled like sweat, slightly sour milk, and dirt. Lily felt sure that no one in the world had ever smelt this dormitory in an Amortentia potion.

James sat down on his bed and motioned for her to have a seat. She looked around her very reluctantly. None of the beds were made, except for James’s as he had not bothered to get under the covers before he fell asleep. She stepped over to the least rumpled one and immediately noticed that the odour of sour milk seemed to be emanating from it. She stepped back.

“Yeah, that’s Wormtail’s bed,” James said. “I wouldn’t sit there. Here.”

He pointed towards the bed on his right. The covers were very wrinkled, but it did not smell. Several large books were stacked on the bedside table, and Lily realized that this must be where Remus slept. She didn’t mind using his bed, and hopped up onto it, crossing her legs in front of her.

“Thanks for the food,” James started, “but I’m still hungry. Did they have porridge?”

“How was I supposed to bring it to you?” she asked, not expecting an answer. She felt he could be a bit more grateful, as she had been the only one to think of him sleeping through breakfast.

“Yeah, good point. Anyway,” he continued, “I’m sure you still have loads of questions for me. I’ll answer anything I can. I really owe you one.”

The millions of questions that had lay dormant in Lily’s head that morning suddenly burst to the forefront of her mind. She decided to go chronologically.

“When did Professor Dumbledore tell you that he was going to have you doing missions for him?”

“At the beginning of the year,” he answered promptly. “That was what we were meeting about when he asked you to step out of the room.”

This explained James’s strange behaviour after they had left Professor Dumbledore’s office. She moved on.

“Where did you get that cloak? How long have you had it?”  
“It’s from my dad. It’s a Potter family heirloom, apparently, passed down to the eldest in each generation. He gave it to me when I got my Hogwarts letter.”

“And Professor Dumbledore doesn’t know about it?”

“Er…no,” James admitted, “He knows I’m good at getting around without being seen. He told me he didn’t need to know how I’d been doing it as long as I kept it up when he needed me to be sneaky.”

“What about the map? It said ‘Messrs Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs.’ Did you really invent it?”

“Yes,” said James smirking, and there was a definite note of pride in his voice now. “We all worked on it. It shows everyone in the castle, and everywhere. All the secret passages—did you know we can get into Honeydukes cellar straight from school?”

That explained why there were sweets wrappers everywhere despite the fact that Remus hadn’t brought any back from their trip to Hogsmeade for his friends. Her shock must have shown on her face, because James was looking very pleased with himself now, his chest puffed out. He ran a hand through his hair. Lily had been about to tell him how incredibly brilliant that map was, but decided against it because he clearly wanted her to say so.

“How does it work?”

“You know,” he said thoughtfully, “I’m still not entirely sure how it works.Part of it is a Homonculous Charm. It was really complicated; I doubt we could remember how to make another copy even if we worked on it all year. I have a theory that it’s tied up in how magical this place is to begin with. I bet it wouldn’t work if we tried to make one for an ordinary location like, say, Downing Street.”

Lily nodded.  
“What do the Marauders get up to during the full moon?”

He clearly hadn’t been expecting this question, and he froze, then recovered quick as a flash.

“What do you mean? We don’t get up to anything,” he said, trying to look innocent.

Lily narrowed her eyes at him, and she could tell by the look on his face that he knew she had caught him in a lie. He seemed to debate internally for a moment, then gave her that pained look she was starting to associate with him when he wanted to tell her something, but couldn’t for one reason or another.

“That’s…not related to what Dumbledore is having us do,” he said, clearly choosing his words carefully. “I can’t tell you about that. I’m sorry,” he added, and he truly looked it.

Lily could tell that he wasn’t going to say anything about this subject, so she dropped it. They spent over an hour discussing Professor Dumbledore’s conversation with them, and what James had learnt from his parents over the summer regarding Death Eaters. He was actually really interesting and easy to talk to when he wasn’t showing off, and Lily was beginning to realize that she would probably feel quite differently about him now if this was the side of him she had been exposed to from when she met him.

Eventually, James looked at his watch.

“I’m starving,” he announced, again. He had said this at almost regular intervals over the time they had been talking. “Lunch is soon; shall we go?”

Lily nodded. James stood up from his bed and promptly pulled the pyjama top he had been wearing over his head, walking over to his wardrobe. Lily stood up so fast that she nearly tripped over Remus’s blanket.

“Well you don’t have change in front of me!” she exclaimed, shielding her eyes, although she found herself wanting very much to look up at him. “I’ll wait for you in the common room.”

She rushed out the door and down the stairs before he could say anything.

“I didn’t think you’d mind,” he said, strolling down to meet her in the common room. Lily had been sitting there for several minutes struggling to come to terms with the fact that she had been face-to-face for a moment with James’s bare chest and had not, as she had hoped would happen, vomited in disgust. “We’re friends now, right?”

Lily heard the anxiety in his voice and pursed her lips together. She wasn’t sure she would call them friends. They were friendlier than they ever had been, but she wasn’t about to pour out her deepest secrets and feelings to him. She decided not to answer his question.

“Remus is probably the best friend I have who’s a boy, and I wouldn’t want him changing in front of me either. I’ll thank you to keep your clothes on whenever I’m around in the future, Potter.”

Though it disappeared almost as quickly as it came, Lily didn’t miss the look of disappointment on his face. She wasn’t sure whether it was because she had continued to address him by his surname, or the fact that she had told him she didn’t want to see him starkers.

“Alright, sorry then,” he said carelessly. “Let’s go.”


	9. Christmas in Cahoots

Sign-ups for staying at school over the holidays were passed around during the second week of December, and Lily was shocked to see James put his name down. He and Black always went back to the Potters over the holidays, and if any of what she had heard about his house was true, she could see why. It was apparently a mansion, and James’s parents gave him the freedom to do just about anything he pleased. Black seemed even more surprised than she was.

“We’re staying here for Christmas?” he asked James, incredulously. “Why?”

“I just don’t feel like going home, okay?” James snapped, looking very put-out. “I thought mum and dad might be traveling, but it looks like they’ll be home and I don’t fancy being fussed over for three weeks right now.”

Lily could tell that wasn’t the reason, and she was sure Black could too. She couldn’t imagine why he had lied though.

“But—” said Black.

“You can go if you want,” said James, not looking at Black and missing the fleeting look of hurt incredulity that passed across his face. “I’m sure mum and dad would be happy to have you.”

“I’m not going to your house for the holidays without you,” said Black flatly, pulling out a quill and adding his name to the list.

It had passed almost to the Ravenclaw table when the post arrived, and Lily’s owl brought back a reply from her parents. She opened it eagerly.

 

_Dearest Lily,_

_We can’t wait to have you home for the holidays! We have some exciting news too—Vernon proposed to Petunia last week! I know we were planning on visiting Majorca again but we’ve decided to have Vernon stay with us over Christmas to get to know him a bit better. Won’t that be fun?  
Let us know when the train will be dropping you off so we can collect you._

_Love,_

_Mum_

_PS: Do they groom your owls over at Hogwarts? I notice Tulips feathers are looking a bit dirty. Can I take her to a pet shop and have them groom her? Do they do that to birds?_

 

Lily stared at this letter for a moment, her eyes wide. She had met Vernon Dursley once before. She stood up from the table and raced over to Professor McGonagall on the other end of the Great Hall, who was holding the list of students who would be staying for the holidays and seemed about to tuck it away into her robes.

“Professor McGonagall!” she panted. “I forgot to sign my name!”

Professor McGonagall looked at her beadily, but produced the list. Lily added her name to the bottom and handed it back to her, then turned around and re-joined the Gryffindor table. Alice, who had been sitting next to her, was reading Lily’s letter from home. She looked over at Lily sympathetically when she had finished.

“I can see why you’re staying then,” she said. Lily had told Alice all about her first meeting with Vernon after it had happened, and had expressed how much she hoped that his relationship with Petunia would be short-lived. Now it looked as though Lily was going to have him for a brother-in-law.

James was staring at her. Gone was his glum expression of a few minutes ago, he looked close to jubilation.

“Are you staying too?” he asked her happily.

“Yeah,” she said, turning back to her breakfast and giving Tulip a nibble of toast and wondering how she was going to tell her parents that she wouldn’t be joining them for the holidays. She could see their disappointed faces in her mind’s eye and her insides squirmed with guilt.

“Why?” asked James.

“Can’t you mind your own business, Potter?” Marlene asked him from Lily’s other side in an exasperated sort of voice.

“It’s fine,” Lily told her, “my sister’s gotten engaged and her fiancé is going to be staying with my family for the holidays. I really don’t fancy spending three weeks with him.”

James went back to his breakfast, now grinning widely. Black’s face was expressionless, but Lily was sure that, had he been holding her Mood Potion, it would be a swirling mess of colours.

Later that evening, she and Potter were called to Professor Dumbledore’s office. Because they were both in school robes they walked along the corridor normally, looking for all the world as though they were just doing patrols.

“Why are you staying over the holidays?” Lily asked him as soon as they were out of earshot of Gryffindor Tower.

“I’ll tell you when we get there,” he muttered, and then, more loudly “I don’t think Percival is a very good name for a baby.”

She was used to these abrupt changes in subject from him. His mind bounced from one topic to the next so fast that it was all she could do to keep up. It was as if he was constantly having a conversation with himself inside his head, and he would start speaking it aloud at random intervals and expect her to be following along.

“I think it’s fine,” she said, not sure why he objected. “I mean, Percival is bit proper, maybe but I quite like it. If they need to shorten it, they can call him Percy.”

James snorted. “That’s a swotty name,” he said bluntly. “What other old man names are you fond of? Harold, perhaps?”  
“No,” she said, a little offended that he thought poorly of her taste.

“But I do quite like Harry,” she added as an afterthought.

\--

Professor Dumbledore was waiting for them in his office as he had been both times she had been there this year. They took the same seats as they had last time.

“Professor McGonagall tells me you are both staying at school over the holidays,” he stated, but she could tell it was really a question, as neither of them had ever done so before.

“Yes,” said James, “I saw Snape and Crouch put their names down. I think if they’re staying, then I should too.”

James had had no idea that Lily would be staying as well when he had signed up to do so. For those few minutes, he had thought that he was going to be going back to doing secret missions alone. No wonder he had been in such a temper, and that he was so happy to see that she’d be staying with him. Lily had, up until now, just thought that he was going to be glad of her company generally, and she felt a sudden twinge of disappointment that he was mainly excited to do more sneaking around.

“That was wise,” Professor Dumbledore told James. “I have nothing to ask of you at the moment, but I shall call upon you if your services are required during the holidays.”

Lily took this as their cue to leave the office. She and James walked back to Gryffindor tower, talking about Christmas on the way. She found herself telling him the story of when she first met Vernon Dursley, how rude he was to her and what a narrow-minded, nasty person he was. James was animated in his defence of Lily against the described Vernon, and he vowed to be as horrible as possible to him if they ever met, which made Lily laugh.

They entered the common room and Lily took a seat, pulled out her Defence Against the Dark Arts textbook and began reading about vampires. They were still studying dementors peripherally, but had moved on during most lessons to other things, spending just a short time each period practising Patronus charms. James draped himself over his usual armchair across from Remus, who was in conversation with Peter. Black was nowhere to be seen, and neither was Marlene.

Lily was getting ready to go up to bed at around half eleven, when they appeared in the portrait hole. James tilted his head back over the arm rest of his chair and turned to look at Black upside-down.

“Where’ve you been?” he asked, good-naturedly.

Black looked very surprised to see James, and dropped Marlene’s hand.

“I thought you were out this evening,” he said, unable to hide the accusatory tone in his voice.

“No,” said James, not catching on. “Lily and I met with Dumbledore about Head stuff for a few minutes and then came back here. I’ve been in this chair mostly all night.”

Black looked as though his reply was going to be very unpleasant. An ugly red flush crept into his high cheekbones, but he seemed to think the better of causing a scene. He strode over to the couch without so much as a backward glance at Marlene. He laid down, quick to resume his normal upside-down position, probably, Lily thought, so that no one would see how red his face was before he got there.

“So anyway,” said James, still oblivious to Black’s unhappiness. “What are we going to do here over the holidays?”

“I’ll be at home,” said Remus, “my parents wanted to see me.”

“Me too,” Peter added.

“I meant you, Padfoot,” James said, “I had a few ideas. Nothing too much,” he added, very loudly, in Lily’s direction, and then added in a normal voice, to Black, “but, you know, just the usual. Dungbombs and whatnot.”

“Sounds alright,” said Black, looking slightly less put-out. “I’d rather pull something really big though.”

Lily saw James’s face put on the expression she was now used to, the one that meant he wanted to say something he wasn’t supposed to be telling.

“I thought we’d keep it sort of casual this year,” he said, cautiously. “I don’t really fancy putting in the effort for another big thing like The Snake Incident.”

It was clear to Lily that he was hoping she would hear him being the responsible one. Black put on another expression, one that was also becoming familiar to Lily. It was stonily blank, and it never boded well for anybody.

“If that’s what you want,” he muttered, then stood up so abruptly that she wondered he didn’t faint from all the blood rushing back out of his head. “I’m really tired. I’m going to bed.”

“Alright,” said James, looking a little confused. “See you up there in a few minutes?”

Black didn’t say anything as he ascended the staircase to their dormitory and disappeared. Lily tried to catch Remus’s eye, but he was staring straight into the fireplace as though he wished he hadn’t heard any of what was just said. She rather wished she hadn’t either.

\--

Staying at Hogwarts for the holidays was not as much fun as Lily had hoped it would be. Very few people that she knew had chosen to remain—only Black, James and Severus, and she wasn’t really keen on the prospect of spending all her time with any of them. Marlene and Alice had both gone home, and she was responsible for nearly all of the patrols because there were only a handful a Prefects remaining. James accompanied her on occasion, but he spent most of his time with Black. They seemed to have recovered from their rather one-sided row, and spent a lot of time holed up in their dormitory together.

On Christmas morning, Lily was alone in the common room, laying across the couch next to the fire. She had brought her pile of presents downstairs to open them by the fire like she did at home. She was feeling lonelier than she could ever remember. Being without any family or friends on Christmas was quite miserable. She thought of her parents, and the lovely tree they would have chosen without her, and of Alice and Frank, spending time together at Frank’s mum’s house. She began to fiddle with a loose thread in the hearthrug she was sitting on. She had never felt less like opening gifts—they almost seemed a mocking reminder of the fact that she had no one to share them with.

Lily heard a cough coming from the direction of the boys’ dormitories and she wheeled around. James was standing in the doorway watching her. How long had he been there?

“You’re all by yourself,” he said. Lily thought that this was quite an obvious statement and did not reply.

“Be right back,” he told her, and disappeared again up the staircase.

He came back moments later, his arms laden with an enormous stack of wrapped gifts, Black at his heels. Black also carried gifts, but his pile was much smaller than James’s.

“Happy Christmas, Lily,” James said. He was wearing the same pyjamas he had worn the night they had first crept around school under the Invisibility Cloak. James dropped his many presents down right next to Lily’s in front of the fire. Black sat down stiffly behind him.

“Happy Christmas,” Lily said, smiling at them. It was directed at both of them, but only James grinned back at her.

All three of them opened their presents. Lily had received a parcel from her mum filled with pies and biscuits from home, which James eyed hungrily. Lily allowed him to try her mum’s ginger biscuits and he probably would have eaten the whole tin if she hadn’t snatched them back from him as soon as she saw his eyes widen after the first bite. Alice had sent her a small album filled with photographs of the two of them and Marlene, starting up from first year and ending with a few blank pages to be filled at the end of this term. Marlene’s gift was a pair of red earmuffs that matched her red-and-gold Gryffindor scarf. She made her way through gifts from other relatives and friends, mostly filled with sweets (which she hid hurriedly in the box Alice’s album had come from so that James would not have time to hoover them up).

James was unwrapping gifts so quickly that all she could hear was the sound of ripping paper. He had received enough sweets to put Honeydukes out of business, several expensive-looking accessories for his broomstick like a golden compass and a black dragon-hide case, a quill made of what looked like a feather from an actual hippogriff, and a brand new set of chess pieces that appeared to be constructed from rubies and emeralds. He did not, as she would have, squeal and cry when he opened these, but simply stated names like “Uncle Ferguson” and “Madam Marshbanks—mum’s friend.”

Black had the smallest pile of presents out of the three of them. One was amazingly beautiful—a scale model of the milky way in a large glass orb, stars twinkling up at them, with an impressive silver stand for it to set on, from James’s mum and dad. Lily imagined that this would make an incredible night light in a dark room. Otherwise he had received some sweets, and one package that he left untouched while he opened the others. It was wrapped in black, leathery-looking paper and tied with tatty green ribbon. Black threw it across the room into the bin, where it landed with a thud, without opening it.

“From my parents,” he said, by way of explanation. These were the first words he had spoken all morning.

James was writing something. Lily leaned over to see what it was. He had out the hippogriff-feather quill and was making a list of all the gifts he had received so he could send out thank-you notices. Lily had never gotten so many presents that she’d been unable to remember who sent what, but this appeared to be a normal part of James’s Christmas morning routine.

After he had finished, James suggested that they all go downstairs to breakfast. Lily returned to her dormitory where she changed out of her dressing gown, and met them back in the common room. It was very strange walking around the castle with James and Black, especially because it could not have been more plain that Black wished her elsewhere, but James seemed very insistent on keeping her around. She could tell that he was not just feeling sorry for her, but genuinely glad of her company. He didn’t seem to notice that her presence was not sitting well with the other half of his duo, and spent most of the day chatting happily at them, while Lily replied occasionally and Black simply grunted.

At dinner, she sat with her back to the Slytherin table across from James, while Black took the seat to James’s right.

“…so then I grabbed the Quaffle from her and scored right under her nose,” James was saying to them, as if they had not been spectators during this game, “and we won because of that. Marlene caught the Snitch, but they would’ve won anyway without that last goal. And then in the next game…”

James’s voice trailed off and his eyes began to follow something behind Lily’s head in the direction of the entryway. Black, picking at his vegetables, didn’t notice. Lily was about to turn around when she saw James shake his head, eyes still moving to her left. He stood up slightly and craned his neck to look out the door of Great Hall.

He stood all the way up abruptly and locked eyes with Lily. “We’ve got to go,” he announced to Black, still looking at Lily.

Black glanced up at him, and that same ugly redness came back into his cheeks.

“Shall I wait up?” he asked evenly.

“I dunno,” said James, carelessly. “Let’s go.”

He started running at top speed down the length of the Gryffindor table, Lily followed on the other side, still very confused, but certain that James would not have ditched Black the way he had for something that wasn’t very important. When they got to the deserted entryway, she looked to her right and saw robes disappearing around the side of the corridor. She looked back at James, who was opening his bag and pulling out the Invisibility Cloak.

“I thought they might try something tonight,” he muttered, throwing the cloak over both himself and Lily, “come on.”

They walked silently, crouched down. Lily was getting quite good at this, she was able to go nearly as quickly as James, which was impressive as she had been practising for only a couple of weeks during patrols. At the end of the corridor, they turned in the direction she had seen the hems of robes, and realized that they would need to follow Severus and Crouch down a staircase.

Down they went, through corridors, down more staircases, for at least six floors. Lily was getting very tired from the effort of walking so fast without panting loudly, and then suddenly, in the middle of a corridor, Severus and Crouch stopped across the way from a dungeon that looked as though it had been unoccupied since the founding of Hogwarts.

“How did you find this?” Crouch was asking Severus.

“I was looking,” Severus said, in a tone that suggested Crouch had not been, and beckoned Crouch to follow him as he strode through the door.

“I’m not sure what to do,” James said, before she could ask him. “I reckon we ought to follow them, but I don’t see how we’re going to get through that door without them knowing.”

James pulled out the map and then gasped loudly enough that she clapped a hand over his mouth.

“Look,” he breathed, pointing. There was a secret door in the wall that appeared to lead into a tunnel that, by the looks of it…

“…it’ll lead us straight into that dungeon,” James whispered excitedly.

They crawled into the tunnel. It was dank and cramped and smelled foul. She wondered if it was part of the plumbing. There seemed to be a grate under her feet at one point that she was fairly certain would take her into the pipes of the school.

They heard voices as they neared what she knew to be the entrance to the room in which Severus and Crouch were meeting. Lily took a deep breath, and then she and James crept invisibly inside.


	10. Maniacs and Missed Matches

Severus and Crouch were seated at either end of a long, dusty black marble table in an otherwise empty room. James pulled her to the side of the tunnel and they stood with their backs against the wall. Lily’s first impression was that it was a funny way of sitting with your friend, very formal and impersonal. She soon learned why they were sitting in this manner. Despite their apparent companionship, Severus and Crouch did not like each other at all.

They started off their meeting by arguing about who ought to be in charge. Severus felt that because he was older, he should be their leader. Crouch retorted that he was every bit as talented as Severus.

“I’m head of my Potions class,” Crouch told him haughtily, “I heard you used to be, but you’re not anymore. Do you even know how to make Polyjuice Potion?”

“Yes,” said Severus quietly, barely moving his mouth. His lips had curled into a nasty sneer.

“Well so do I, and I’m only in fifth year,” Crouch continued. “Bellatrix thinks very highly of me too, I’m sure she’ll agree that I ought to be in charge.”

“I am going to run this operation,” Severus said suddenly, his voice dropping lower and sounding even more dangerous, “unless the Dark Lord himself comes down here and tells us that he has decided to entrust you with the job.”

Crouch looked around wildly, as if expecting people to come popping out of the walls. Seemingly satisfied that they were indeed alone, he leaned across the table and spoke in that furious hiss Lily had only heard him use once before. “Do not mention the Dark Lord in this castle.”

“This room is secure,” sneered Severus. “I don’t think even Dumbledore remembers it is here.”

“Our mission is for Bellatrix Lestrange. We do not know what th—what he wants. We take orders from her. That is the arrangement,” said Crouch, switching abruptly back to the haughty tone he had begun with.

“There isn’t much to be done today, anyway,” said Severus, changing the subject. “Until the others return, we cannot take any action. I shall be drawing up some ideas of things we can learn, so that we can get started when school resumes.”

“Fine,” Crouch spat, clearly wanting to be contrary, but he didn’t appear to have anything negative to say about Severus’s idea. It almost made Lily giggle.

He got up from the table and strode out of the room. Severus sat alone at the table for a moment, looked around as if he wanted to be absolutely sure the coast was clear, then pulled a faded photograph out of his pocket. He looked at it for a moment, bringing it so close to his face that the end of his nose nearly touched it. For several minutes he sat there, not doing anything else, both hands clutching the photo. Lily wished she could see what it was, but James was in her way. Then Severus placed it back in his pocket and left the room as well.

Lily walked out from under the Invisibility Cloak and up to the door, pulled out her wand and said “ _Colloportus_.” The door sealed itself. James stepped out from under the cloak too and sat down in the chair that had just been occupied by Severus. He ran his hands through his hair in a frustrated sort of way.

“What in Merlin’s name are they doing?” he asked, though she knew he didn’t expect a real answer.

“We know for sure Bellatrix is involved,” said Lily, trying to think of something positive that might have been gleaned from this excursion.

“What the bloody hell—sorry Lily—do those prats have to do with You Know Who?” James burst out.

Lily shrugged, not bothering to scold him for his language. “What was that about compiling a list of things to learn? It seemed the only thing they were really able to agree upon.”

“Yeah,” said James, his brows knit so close together they looked as if they were one. “I have to think it’s some kind of illegal club.”

This struck Lily as very likely, and she nodded. “They’re probably going to teach each other all the Dark Arts they know. That way, when they leave school, they’ll be able to join up in forces with You Know Who.”

James looked up into her eyes.

“How do we stop them?” he said.

“It’s not up to us to stop them,” Lily reminded him. “Our job is report back to Professor Dumbledore.”

“Right,” said James quickly. “Let’s go then.”

\--

They left the dungeon, making a mental note of its location because Lily was certain they would need to find it again, and hurried along to Professor Dumbledore’s office. They did not use the Invisibility Cloak, which was tucked safely into James’s bag once again, because it was plausible that they could be doing patrols at this hour.

“Chocolate frogs,” said Lily to the gargoyle that guarded the office, and he allowed them to ascend the staircase once more.

Professor Dumbledore was not in his study, and James suggested they wait for him. Lily took her usual seat, but James was clearly feeling fidgety and he kept picking up various instruments and examining them. Once he had picked up everything within his reach, he stood up and began inspecting other things. He even opened a cabinet off to the side of Professor Dumbledore’s desk.

“What are you doing?” Lily demanded of him when he did not re-emerge from the cabinet immediately.

“Come and look at this,” he said, his voice a bit muffled through the cabinet door.

Lily stood up and walked around to the other side. James was peering into a basin with runes written all along the outside of it. There was a whitish substance swirling around inside. It looked almost like Severus’s Mood Potion, but it was not quite a liquid.

“What do those runes say?” she asked him.

“How should I know?” he said, as if this was an unreasonable question to ask him.

“I just thought you might have some idea,” she said lightly, “seeing as how you’ve been taking Ancient Runes for the last three years.”

“Well, these don’t look like anything I remember,” he said, squinting at them, “but to be honest, I don’t study very hard for that class.”

James pulled out his wand and looked as though he was about to prod it into the white substance, but Lily grabbed his hand before he could break the surface.

“Don’t touch it!” she exclaimed. She couldn’t believe anybody could be so nosy. “Put it away. If Professor Dumbledore had wanted you poking around in his things he would’ve left them out in plain sight for you.”

“Lots of these things are out in plain sight,” James pointed out helpfully.

“That’s why I didn’t say anything when you were touching them. If something is in a cabinet or a drawer, it’s probably there because someone doesn’t want you to see it. Don’t open anything else.”

James quickly grew bored of waiting around, and suggested they leave Professor Dumbledore a note telling him to contact them as soon as he could. Lily wrote one out and placed it on his desk, and they left the office to go back to Gryffindor Tower.

They had nearly reached the portrait hole when a first year girl sprinted up to them almost completely out of breath, telling them that Professor Dumbledore had received their note and wished for them to go back to his office right away. Lily and James turned straight around and went all the way back. The gargoyle looked a little bit annoyed for being forced to let them back in, but did so nonetheless, and moments later they were sitting at Professor Dumbledore’s desk, telling him everything they had seen and heard, and their suspicions that Severus and Crouch were starting an illegal Dark Arts club.

He didn’t speak for a long while. Finally, he put the tips of his fingers together and surveyed them over his spectacles.

“I am going to need the two of you to attend as many of these meetings as possible,” he told them quietly.

They both nodded, and Lily mentally vowed that she would skive off classes if she had to to get to the meetings. The look in Professor Dumbledore’s eyes told her how important this was.

\--

They walked slowly and and silently back to Gryffindor Tower after Professor Dumbledore dismissed them. It had been nearly midnight when they left his office, and Lily felt so exhausted that she was very keen to head straight to bed without discussing the situation further. James looked ready to drop as well.

Black was spread out on his usual couch next to the fire in the common room alone. He was staring into the fireplace when they walked in, a pile of James’s sweets resting on his chest. He didn’t look up when they entered.

“Hi mate,” James said tiredly.

Black grunted in response, unwrapping a Chocolate Frog.

“Where we you?” he asked them, in a tone that suggested he was not really expecting an answer.

“I’ve told you Padfoot, I can’t t—” James began, but Black interrupted.

“If you’ve just gone off for a shag, you can tell me you know,” he said, carelessly looking at the card that came with the frog and tossing it aside. “Do you really think I care?”

“It’s not that,” said Lily quickly, blushing furiously.

“Whatever you say,” Black said thickly, through a mouthful of chocolate. He had just bitten the head off of the frog.

“I’m going to bed,” Lily announced, and scuttled quickly across the common room and up to her dormitory. She didn’t look at Black, but knew he was probably wearing that blank, inscrutable expression he had whenever James disappointed him.

 

To her astonishment, Black and James seemed very jovial and chummy again by the next morning. Black had been so angry she imagined she’d be spending the rest of the holidays with James while he sulked around the castle alone, but they were chattering away at breakfast, and Black even asked Lily how she’d slept last night. She took his comment as a peace offering and answered back that she had slept very well, and could he please pass her the marmalade?

The reason for their happy reunion became clear when Filch stormed into the Great Hall demanding to know who had put filled his supply closet with dungbombs. He had apparently cleaned an entire corridor with a bucket of water and a mop that had been laced with dungbombs before realizing what was going on. Lily wondered how bad a person’s sense of smell would have to be to allow that to happen. She looked quickly over at James and Black, and their innocently curious expressions told her instantly that they were the ones who had set it up. Now that she thought about it, James looked like he’d gotten even less sleep than she had.

Normally she would have stood up and pointed this out to the staff, but she found she just didn’t have it in her to get them into trouble today. It had been such a very small prank, and seemed to have repaired a very tense situation in their friendship. Lily debated internally for a minute, and then decided to let it go. She raised her eyebrows at them as if she too were mildly curious about who could have done such a thing, shrugged her shoulders, and set to buttering her toast.

\--

The remainder of the holidays passed rather quickly. She, James and Black often had the whole common room to themselves, and she spent the time studying while watching them play with James’s new jewelled chess set. (They argued every time about which person got to be the red.) Neither of them were great shakes at chess, so the matches were usually conducted mostly by the pieces, who shouted instructions at them as if they were morons.

On one of these days, she was practising Transfiguration with a mirror in the common room. She’d been meaning to make her shirt turn a different colour, but it was suddenly transparent. She panicked, trying to cover herself. James looked up from his and Black’s game, averted his gaze, and set her right with a wave of his wand in her direction.

“Sorry,” he said, still not looking at her. “I just wanted to fix it, I swear. I didn’t look.”

“I did,” Black offered.

Lily rolled her eyes, her face feeling hot.

“What were you trying to do,” James asked her, “just curious?”

“I meant to make it purple,” she told him, feeling both embarrassed and frustrated.

“Well your face is almost purple,” Black commented unhelpfully.

Lily took a deep breath.

“I think I know where you might be going wrong,” James said thoughtfully.

“Really?” she asked him, very surprised. “What should I be doing differently?”

“When you change one thing into something else, how are you imagining it?”

“I was just thinking of a shirt…and just the colour purple?” she told him. “What else am I supposed to think about?”

James furrowed his brow for a moment as though he were thinking hard.

“I wonder if you’re being a bit too by-the-book about this,” he said thoughtfully. “Here, watch me.”

He stood in front of the mirror and looked at himself hard.

“Say I want to change my eye colour. I’ll make them green, like yours. I’m going to point with my wand and, instead of trying to think of just your eyes, I’ll run through in my head things that remind me of them,” he was still speaking to her, but she could tell that he was now just thinking out loud.

“Like fresh grass,” he said quietly, “and emeralds, and brightly-coloured toads…”

And as he said this, he blinked slowly. When he opened his eyes, they were the exact green of Lily’s.

James turned to face her. She had never imagined how different he would look without his usual hazel eyes. It was very odd to see him standing there, looking exactly like himself but with her eyes.

He blinked again, and they were back to being hazel.

“Do you want to give it a go now?” he asked her.

She looked back into the mirror and thought of her shirt. Then she imagined the swirling, pinkish purple colour that the Mood Potion had turned when she was watching James striding shirtless across the Quidditch Pitch.

“There you go!” said James, clapping his hands together.

Lily looked down at her shirt. It was the precise colour she had been imagining.

“Thanks,” she told James sincerely, feeling a little stunned. “I think you saved my grade, Ja--Potter.”

“Happy to help,” he said, then flopped back down onto the couch, “Queen to E6.”

\--

Everyone else came back to school several days later, and all anyone could talk about was the next Quidditch match, which would be Hufflepuff versus Ravenclaw. Lily had not not really intended on going, but changed her mind at the look on Marlene’s face when she voiced this plan. She strode out towards the stands with the rest of the school, wearing the earmuffs Marlene had given her. Alice and Frank were there too, Alice wearing a yellow and black scarf, and a yellow bow in her blonde hair. Frank whispered something in her ear and she nuzzled noses with him. Marlene pretended to gag at the sight of this.

The match was about to start when she noticed, squinting at the stands full of Slytherins, that none of the four people she and James were supposed to be tailing were there. Panic rose in her throat. She leaned down over the next bench; James was sitting directly in front of her, and she pointed surreptitiously at the crowd of Slytherins.

“Look who’s not there,” she whispered in his ear.

James’s head moved back and forth as he looked across the pitch, then he nodded, signalling that he’d understood her.

“I’ve just forgotten,” she told Marlene suddenly, “I have an essay for Potions that I haven’t even started.”

“Do you have to do it now?” asked Marlene, incredulously. “The match is about to start. Can’t it wait until later?”

“I’ve got to go to the loo,” she overheard James announcing to the rest of the Marauders.

“No,” said Lily, as apologetically and quickly as she could, pulling her bag onto her shoulder. “I need to do it now, I’m sorry. I’ll see you later!”

Before Marlene could argue back, she made her way through the row of people on her bench and down the stairs. She waited behind the stands until James came striding out, grabbing his arm to stop him from running up to school without her.

“The loo?” she whispered to him. “This is going to take a lot longer than that.”

“Yeah,” he said, scrunching up his nose, “yeah, I reckon I should’ve thought of something better. Too late now.”

He pulled his Invisibility Cloak out of his bag, which she knew he had started carrying everywhere with him, and pulled it just over himself. It wouldn’t look that strange to see her walking back to school, but he never missed Quidditch matches and would undoubtedly arouse suspicion.

\--

Once they had reached the entryway to the school, she joined him under the Invisibility Cloak and they hurried down to the old dungeon, and entered it the same way they had last time.

Lily tried not to breathe too hard when she stepped into the room. Apart from Regulus Black, Barty Crouch, Edmund Crabbe and Severus, there were half a dozen other people who Lily didn’t know sitting in the room. Someone had procured more chairs for them and they were all sitting at the long table. Severus and Barty Crouch were still at either end.

The meeting had clearly been going on for some time, as Barty Crouch appeared to have been selected as their leader. Lily recognized Severus’s tiny handwriting on a paper that was being passed around to each person, but she couldn’t read it at this distance.

“We’re going to practise a different spell each meeting,” said Crouch, using his most impressive voice. “We’ll start today with the full body-bind, and next time we’ll learn a spell to conjure snakes.”

There was a murmur of assent from around the table. Lily was stunned and, quite honestly, disappointed. All this secrecy surrounding what amounted to a remedial study group for people to learn first-year spells?

Lily and James watched from their spot on the wall while they practised casting the full-body bind in pairs. She could see why they needed to do this, most of them were absolutely terrible. Severus and Barty Crouch alone were able to cast the full-body bind correctly on their first try, their captors fell flat as boards onto the cold stone floor. When they had practised this spell in her first year, there had been squashy cushions laid out everywhere to soften the impact.

They did this for about forty-five minutes, until all of them had at least gotten the basics down. Looking quite bruised, they agreed to meet again at the same time next Saturday, and left the room in pairs to avoid coming out as a big group and looking suspicious. Severus once again waited until he thought he was alone, pulled out the faded photograph, and stared at it for a few minutes before putting it back in his pocket and leaving the room.

Lily and James waited there for about twenty minutes after the he left, to ensure that everyone was gone.

“Well that was a bummer,” said James, ripping off the cloak. Lily was glad that he had voiced what she was feeling. “They were really lousy.”

She sank down into a chair, very relieved. If this was what they were up against, she thought, You Know Who really stood no chance at all.

Lily and James went straight back to the Gryffindor common room. They had patrols together later that night; they could go tell Professor Dumbledore then about the meeting. It all seemed much less serious now. They could guess by the crowds of people in the halls that they had completely missed the match.

“Where were you?” demanded Black when she and James stepped through the portrait hole into the crowded common room.

“Diarrhoea,” James told him, loudly and unabashedly. Lily didn’t see Marlene anywhere.

Black must not have wanted him to elaborate because he went back to the couch to sit in his usual fashion, while James flopped into his armchair.

Lily was sitting on another armchair, reading, in the common room when Marlene found her.

“Finish your essay?” she asked.

“My—yes,” Lily said to her, quickly remembering the lie she’d told at the Quidditch match. “Yes, all done. Who won?”

“Hufflepuff. They play Slytherin in a couple of weeks though, so we’ll see what happens after that.”

Marlene sat down across from her and fixed her gaze with Lily’s.

“I’ve been meaning to ask you,” she said in a low voice, “do you still have that thing I found in your robes?”

Lily hesitated, but felt guilty lying to Marlene twice in one day.

“Yes,” she told her, truthfully.

“Are you two friends again? I haven’t seen you talking at all.”

“No,” said Lily quickly, “I haven’t spoken to him at— “

“Then why haven’t you chucked it?” Marlene demanded.

Lily was starting to feel really angry towards her. This wasn’t the first time Marlene had brought it up again after she found the potion, and Lily had had enough. What business was it of Marlene’s if she wanted to keep Severus’s gift?

“Look,” she said, lowering her voice further and leaning forward so that no one but Marlene could hear her, “I think both of us are clinging onto things we shouldn’t be, so if you don’t want me to bother you about yours, I suggest you let mine go.”

Lily gave a pointed look in Black’s direction, to ensure Marlene did not miss her meaning. Marlene looked fearful for a fraction of a second, then stony.

“Fine,” she said. Obviously her desire to force Lily into forgetting about Severus was outweighed by her wish for nobody to get involved with whatever was going on between her and Black. She got up and stormed off into their dormitory.


	11. Serpents and Scarves

The next Saturday, Lily informed the fifth year Gryffindor Prefects that they would need to be doing afternoon patrols. She had originally scheduled herself and James for this slot, but now they had to attend a meeting of what James had begun referring to as the DAC--the Dark Arts Club. This name made it sound even sillier than what they'd seen last week, and the second meeting didn't change the direction things were going in. 

Severus taught the others how to conjure a serpent with a spell she hadn't heard before. He produced a python several feet in length that hissed and spit at everyone in sight--Lily had a moment of terror wondering whether it could see through Invisibility Cloaks, but then Severus vanished it with his wand. 

Barty Crouch produced one too--bigger than Severus's--as he pointed out, without difficulty. Regulus, who was clearly the most capable behind Crouch and Severus, made a small cobra appear without too much trouble. But the others were absolutely dreadful. One boy made what seemed to be a tiny gecko, which got lost, and he spent most of the rest of the meeting looking for it. Someone else produced what looked like an engorged spaghetti noodle. No more snakes were seen over the course of the meeting.

Lily could feel James shaking with silent laughter beside her, and she bit her lip hard to keep from giggling along with him. Finally, after several hours, Crouch called the meeting to a halt and announced that they would not be meeting again until the second of February. Lily thought it very generous of him to continue announcing the next meeting during the current one--it made it very easy for she and James to plan their schedule around attending.

At the end of this meeting, Severus continued his tradition of pulling out the photograph and looking at it while he thought he was alone. Lily felt so curious about what he was doing, she motioned to James to follow her across the floor. They walked very slowly and silently behind Severus. She knew it was absurd to be risking being caught for this, but she wondered if maybe she would be able to catch a glimpse of You Know Who in Severus’s photograph.

What she saw made her clap a hand over her mouth to stifle the sob that immediately rose in her throat. Through the tears that sprang into her eyes she watched eleven-year-old Severus and herself laughing together. She had her arm around him and he was wearing that same incandescent smile that she thought of whenever she conjured a Patronus. As she looked, eleven-year-old Lily kissed Severus on the cheek.

James had gone very still beside her. Lily did not look back at him. She didn't want him to know she was crying. Seventeen-year-old Severus touched his finger to the picture as if to touch her cheek. 

"Lily," he murmured, then put the picture back in his pocket and swept out of the room. Lily heard James, as though from very far away, seal the door shut. He pulled the Invisibility Cloak off of them and busied himself with folding it carefully, opening his bag and putting it away, despite the fact that they would need it again in a few minutes when they left the room. Lily rubbed her eyes and hurriedly wiped her cheeks to get rid of the tears. 

"So, what now?" said James. She knew he had seen her crying, but he was gallantly pretending not to have noticed. 

"I don't know," she said thickly, sinking into a chair. Her voice sounded very stuffy and she sniffed to try and clear it. And then she had a thought. 

"I have an idea," she told James slowly, "but I don't think you're going to like it."

James shrugged. "Try me."

"I think I should try to make amends with Severus."

To her surprise, he did not immediately dismiss what she had said. Instead, he furrowed his brows and appeared to be thinking. 

"Explain why you think that will help," he said finally. 

"Severus doesn't have any friends; you've seen these people, they're not real friends. They don't care about him. I think maybe he'd see that he didn't need all this," she gestured to the room at large, "if he had..."

"If he had you again," James finished for her, nodding. 

Lily held her breath. 

"You're right," James said after a long pause, "I don't like that idea."

She opened her mouth, preparing to argue.

"But I think you should do it anyway."

Lily raised her eyebrows at him. She wasn't expecting him to agree with her so quickly. 

"If I was a slimy git--"

"Potter," she said sharply. 

"Sorry. If I was...like him, and I didn't have any friends..." He trailed off, sighed, and Lily knew he was trying to imagine Hogwarts without the Marauders. 

"I'm going to try to talk to him during Potions," she said. "That's the only class I have with him anymore."

"Okay," James nodded. "Let me know how it goes."

\--

For the next two weeks, Lily attempted to speak to Severus every Potions class, but was constantly thwarted by the fact that she had a partner, and it would be very odd for her to approach him while they were working. At dinner every day, James would mouth at her "did you do it yet?" And she would shake her head, and he would nod. 

January the 30th was Lily's eighteenth birthday. She awoke to find her bedside table crammed with cards and presents, and an enormous box stuffed with Fizzing Whizbees from James that would probably have kept her alive for a month even if she had nothing else to eat. 

Her classes seemed to soar by--not even an hour and a half of listening to Professor Binns's reedy droning could dampen her spirits. They didn't have a birthday party, but Remus put a candle in her slice of pie at dinner and she blew it out without really wishing for anything. 

After dark, when James had returned from Quidditch practice, he approached her in the common room. 

"Want to go for a walk with me?" he asked. 

They did not have patrols together today, so she assumed he wanted to talk more about the DAC. She left her books and followed him out of the portrait hole.

They walked for a while. James's bag looked curiously full, but when she asked him what was in it he just told her she'd see in a moment.

"Where are we going?" she asked him after about fifteen minutes.

"Astronomy tower," he said and when she hesitated he added, "I just wanted to show you something, that's all."

The Astronomy Tower was a known spot for Hogwarts couples to go when they wanted to be alone. She very much doubted that it would be deserted when they arrived. James stopped at the top of the staircase. 

"This is the Head Boy." he shouted, "Anybody who's up here won't get in trouble as long as they clear off now."

Lily heard scrambling, and then silence as whoever was there descended the staircase on the other side of the tower. She and James continued up, and he beckoned her to a spot where they could see the whole sky full of stars.

"Okay," said Lily, turning to face him, "we're here. What did you want to show me?"

James looked as though he wanted to say something, not show her something. He opened his mouth, then closed it again, then opened it, and took a deep breath. 

"Er, well, it's...it's really nice out tonight?" he said, ending it with an inflection as though this were a question.

"Not really," she said. The stars were beautiful and twinkling, but it was also freezing and she had not brought a scarf as she hadn't known where they were going.

James didn't reply right away, but unwrapped the Gryffindor scarf around his neck and draped it over her shoulders. She wouldn't have accepted it, but her teeth were chattering, so she quickly wrapped the ends around her neck and chin. 

"I just mean," James started again, "the...the sky looks good, doesn't it?"

"Well, of course it does," Lily said, a little confused, "that's probably why people always come up here for snogging."

"Have you ever brought anybody up here to snog?" he asked immediately. 

"No," she shook her head, "no I've never snogged anyone at school."

"Really?" James said with interest, "you've never snogged anybody?"

"I didn't say that," she corrected him quickly, "just no one you know."

"How do you know I don't know him?" James asked, looking very curious indeed. 

"Do you know any Muggles, Potter?"

"No," he admitted.

"Then there's no way you've met him," she confirmed. 

"You have a Muggle boyfriend? How come you've never mentioned him before?" James seemed to deflate before her eyes. 

"Stop putting words in my mouth," she said lightly, "I have no such thing. If you really need to know, I kissed a Muggle boy a couple summers ago while my family was on vacation in Majorca. I haven't spoken to him since then."

The flat, unhappy look of a couple moments ago was gone. James seemed quite cheery again. Lily didn't have to ask him if he'd ever brought anyone up here for snogging before, she could easily recall several very public, short-lived and ill-fated romances James had been involved in over the years.

"I expect when you brought all those girls up here to shag, you did it during the spring when it wasn't so cold. I wouldn't fancy taking off my clothes in this weather," she said conversationally. 

James suddenly broke into a coughing fit. When he recovered, he looked at her nervously. 

"I've never done that."

"I heard you telling Black--" she started. 

"I know you heard me, that was the point. But I haven't."

Lily just stared at him.

"I'd appreciate it if you didn't repeat that to anyone," he said, sounding a little sheepish. 

"I won't," she promised.

"I have something for you," he said abruptly, as though he'd only just remembered it. 

"You already gave me a present," she told him firmly. She'd had a feeling that he had another gift for her in his bag that was confirmed when he evaded telling her what he was carrying.

"No I didn't," he said, looking confused.

"Well I woke up with Honeydukes's whole stock of Fizzing Whizbees on my bedside table this morning, in a box with your name on it," she reminded him, "was that not from you?"

"Oh that," he laughed, "that was just sweets. I got you a real present."

James rummaged in his bag and pulled out a badly wrapped package tied with a knot, but Lily was ready for him. 

"I'm not accepting another gift from you," she said in her firmest voice. 

"Come on," he wheedled, "it's not a big deal, it's..."

"Potter, it was really nice of you, but I can't take another present from you."

Lily crossed her arms. James seemed to realize that her decision was final. He looked disappointed, but recovered quickly. 

"Alright," he said happily, putting it back into his bag.

Lily felt sure that he was going to try to give it to her later anyway. Perhaps he'd convince a younger girl to sneak it into her dormitory. She suddenly wondered if this was how Severus had gotten his Mood Potion to her.

"We should probably go back," she said. His scarf was warm and smelled really good--like cinnamon and spice--but she would've needed to be wearing a much thicker coat to be comfortable in this weather. 

James was apparently impervious to cold; Lily suddenly noticed he was wearing only a jumper over his school shirt. He stood there with his messy hair whipping around in the wind. The thought struck her, not for the first time, that he really was very handsome. She pulled his scarf around her cheeks to hide the blush that crept into her face, and in doing so she inhaled more of the spicy cinnamon smell. It was somehow familiar, and yet she couldn’t recall exactly where she had encountered it before.

James pulled his heavy bag back onto his shoulder, and together they made their way back to Gryffindor tower. She loosened the scarf around her face as they walked so that he could hear her--they talked about Defence Against the Dark Arts and how frustrated he was that he was still unable to produce a corporeal Patronus. 

He held the portrait open for her as she climbed back in to Gryffindor tower, then parted ways as she went to study with Alice and Marlene, and he took his rightful place on his armchair with the other Marauders, who had gathered around the fire without him. 

It wasn't until much later, when Lily was undressing for bed, that she realized she was still wearing his scarf. She hung it up carefully in her wardrobe next to her own identical one and was struck with the mad urge to return the wrong one to him tomorrow just so that she could keep smelling that cinnamon scent. 

\--

On the morning of the second of February, Alice awoke with a splitting headache. She complained of it all through breakfast, Charms, Defence Against the Dark Arts, lunch and Herbology and it wasn't until they were halfway to Potions that Lily realized that this could be the break she had been looking for. 

"Alice," she interrupted (for Alice had been in the middle of a groan that had lasted nearly a whole corridor), "why don't you go to the hospital wing?"

"I can't leave you in Potions alone!" Alice cried, "you'll be eaten alive! Safety in numbers."

"I'll be fine," Lily soothed her, trying not to sound too much like she was trying to get rid of her. 

They debated for several more minutes before Alice finally agreed to take her headache to Madam Pomfrey. Lily sighed inwardly with relief and, not believing her good fortune, entered Potions by herself.

Severus was sitting alone as always and, before she could lose her nerve, Lily dragged her heavy cauldron over to the empty space next to him. 

"Mind if I sit here?" she asked him. Her voice sounded timider than she would've liked. 

Severus stiffened noticeably but shook his head. 

"No."

Lily sat down primly next to him and was about to say something else to him when Professor Slughorn started talking. 

"In preparation for St. Valentine's Day, we are going to be starting a brew of Amortentia. I know we attempted it last year but most of us fell quite a bit short of the standard you'll need for your NEWTs although some," he beamed fondly in the direction of Lily and Severus, "have nothing to worry about."

Severus got up when Professor Slughorn had finished speaking and fetched enough ingredients from the supply closet for both of their potions. Lily began adding ingredients to her cauldron, and snuck furtive glances over at Severus. 

"How have you been?" she asked him in an unnaturally high voice, most unlike her own. 

"Perfectly adequate," was his reply, though he still did not look at her. 

"I wanted to tell you..." she started, and took a deep breath, "I know you heard me that day in Hogsmeade when I was talking to Remus. I'm sorry for what I said. I didn't mean it."

Severus put down the powdered bicorn horn he had been about to add to his potion. He still didn't look at her. His head was bent low so that his hair fell around his face--she could not see him at all. 

"I'm sorry too," he said in a very low voice, and she knew to what he was referring, "I should never have called you a--what I did. I didn't mean it either."

Lily smiled. She felt light as air, she was sure her Mood Potion was shining so brightly yellow that it might even be visible through her pocket. 

"I need to ask you something though," he said, muttering so quietly that she had to strain to hear him.

"What is it?" she asked, also whispering, in case it was meant to be a secret.

Severus paused for so long that she wondered if he had decided not to say anything at all.

"Are you seeing Potter?"

She flushed hard and looked into her potion. 

"No, I'm not," she replied, a little more harshly than she intended, "What makes you think that?"

"I just noticed that you've been spending a lot of time with him," he said, his voice still very quiet. 

Lily was a little put out that he had brought James into this, which she normally would have told him, but she kept calm because she needed to stay in his good graces. He was fragile and might shut down again if she showed that she was angry. 

"No, Severus," she said kindly, "he's just Head Boy. I have to spend a lot of time with him."

She paused, then continued.

"I wanted to...to try and... spend more time with you again," she said. "Maybe we could bring lunch onto the grass by the lake and have a chat soon?"

"I would like that," Severus told her a little louder. He looked up and turned to face her, and she could almost see the shadow of the look he'd given her on the day she got her Hogwarts letter. Then he said, 

"You've added too many dragonfly wings."

Lily looked down, noticing for the first time that her mixture was bubbling profusely.

"No matter," Severus said, leaning over her potion. They were physically closer than they had been in almost two years. He proceeded to put in several pinches of ingredients from his own supply, until it had the smooth surface of glass. Lily could have repaired the damage herself, but she thought it a good idea to accept his friendly gesture of help.

Immediately, the fumes of the potion began to waft toward her nose. She was not a stranger to the smell of Amortentia, they had made it last year and she inhaled the familiar scent of Honeydukes, the fireplace in the Gryffindor Common Room, and the thing she had been unable to identify last year—a deep, spicy aroma, like cinnamon…with a lurching feeling in her stomach, she realised that she could now place it perfectly—James’s scarf, James himself…

The mood potion glowed so brightly pink that she could see it from the outside of her robes. Severus glanced at her surreptitiously. She wasn’t sure whether or not he had noticed the pink gleam issuing from her pocket, but his lips had twisted into what could almost be called a smile.

Lily was still reeling from the comprehension that she was smelling James Potter in her Amortentia potion—had even smelled him before she consciously knew what he smelled like. She absolutely refused to think about that right now. The enticing scent was interfering with her ability to converse normally with Severus, and it was important that she be able to do so. She knew her face was flaming red, and Severus was eyeing her a bit concernedly. Lily exhaled through her nose, then resolved to breathe through her mouth only for the rest of the class. This helped immensely, she could feel her senses slowly returning to their normal sharpness after she stopped inhaling that seductive fog.

After leaving their brews with Professor Slughorn to stew until next lesson, Lily turned to Severus once more. 

"Would you like to walk with me to dinner?"

She could tell he really wanted to. The look he gave her, like he was going to say no but could not tell her why, reminded her strikingly of James. 

"I have a friend to meet with at the moment," he said, clearly reluctantly. "Perhaps next lesson? Or every lesson after that?"

Lily smiled at him. "Of course. Anytime. Always."

\--

It was not until she had reached the top of the dungeon staircase, after Severus had already gone up, that it occurred to her that she maybe ought to follow him to see what friend he was meeting. She picked up speed and caught sight of him going up another staircase, passing the Great Hall. 

Lily followed him at quite a distance, keenly aware that she did not have the Invisibility Cloak. He stopped at the same empty classroom she and James had seen Crouch and Regulus in on the first night they had snuck around together. He walked inside and shut the door with a bang. It bounced back open slightly. Lily hurried to the doorway and put her ear to the door.

“…you know Barty won’t like this, don’t you?” said a raspy, dull voice that she recognized as belonging to Edmund Crabbe. She had never heard him say so many words together at once.

“Barty is paranoid,” sneered Severus. “He belongs in St. Mungo’s. Everyone is at dinner.”

“So what is it? What do you need me for?”

“Barty should not be running this operation,” Severus said. He spat out “Barty” as if it were a disgusting swear word. “I am a much more accomplished wizard than he. If you were to tell everyone that I, not Barty, am the better instructor…”

“I can’t do anything,” Crabbe said, and Lily agreed with him. He had been the one who had made the spaghetti while trying to conjure a snake.

“I am going to instruct you privately,” Severus said. He sounded annoyed, and Lily could tell that the idea of spending a lot of one-on-one time with someone as thick as Crabbe was not appealing to him.

“What are we gonna do today then?” Crabbe asked.

“I am going to teach you another spell of my own design, one we will be practising later with the others,” said Severus, and Lily chanced a quick look through the small window in the door just in time to see Severus produce a glass jar from his robes. It was filled with a clear liquid, and some kind of heart—much too large to have belonged to a human.

“What’s that?” Crabbe asked.  
“It’s a heart,” said Severus, “obviously.”

“Where’d you get it?” was Crabbe’s next question.

“I got it from the supply closet in Potions class,” Severus told him. He sounded annoyed again—Lily knew how much he hated people asking stupid questions.

“Let me show you how this works,” he said quickly, probably to shut Crabbe up.

Lily could not help it, she raised her head up to look through the door again.

“The more you wish to hurt someone, the better curses such as the one I am about to demonstrate perform for you. Imagine the person you hate the most as you say the incantation—even if you are casting it at someone who you do not know, you will increase your power. I, for instance,” he sneered, his lips curling, “am thinking about James Potter.”

He raised his wand and pointed it at the jar.

“ _Sectumsepra_ ,” he whispered menacingly, and made a slashing motion through the air.

Lily felt her eyes widen. Thin lines appeared on the side of the jar where the curse had hit it, and the heart inside it was slashed to bits, and the clear liquid had turned red with blood.

“How are we going to practise that on each other?” Crabbe asked him, dully. He appeared unfazed by the carnage. “It looks a bit painful, dunnit? How do you fix it?”

Snape heaved a great sigh.

“I have not yet found a cure for wounds created by this curse. We’re not going to practise it on each other, Crabbe. We will throw it instead at objects, or at the wall.”

Lily could hear her heartbeat in her ears. They would be throwing this curse at the walls—the walls along which she and James always stood, invisibly, while watching them practise. She needed to find James. They could not go to this meeting; it was too dangerous.

Lily backed away from the door a few paces, then turned and ran. She did not care if her feet made noise now, she would be behind a corner before either Snape or Crabbe had time to look out the door for who had been running. She flew down staircases, nearly tripping twice, into the Great Hall, and skidded to a halt at the Gryffindor table in front of her friends.

They were all eating leisurely, except James, who was not there.

“Where’s Potter?” she asked as casually as possible, trying not to look as though she had been running.

“I sent him out to the Quidditch pitch,” Marlene said, spearing potatoes on her fork. “We have practice tonight and he told me you two had patrols later, so I said he could skip dinner and get some drills in while the rest of us are eating…where are you going?”

Lily did not answer; she was already pelting out of the school at top speed towards the Quidditch pitch. As she neared it, she looked up, hoping to see James flying above the stands, throwing a Quaffle through the goal hoops, but he wasn’t there either.

Maybe he’s on the ground, she thought, perhaps some Quidditch drills are best done out of the air.

She ran up a staircase into the stands and looked down into the grass. James was nowhere in sight.

The DAC meeting would be starting in less than twenty minutes. Lily didn’t understand how this could have happened. She and James had never had trouble finding one another before, he always seemed to just be there whenever she turned around. It seemed a very long time ago that she found this trait to be annoying.

Lily headed back towards the school, and spent the next twenty minutes pacing the corridors, looking for James, not even caring that she had entirely missed dinner. She went to several of her classrooms, thinking he might stop by to look for her there, but he didn’t. She thought about going to the dungeons, but knew this was not an option—she did not have the Invisibility Cloak. She came to the painful conclusion that she was best off waiting for him in Gryffindor tower.

By the time everyone had come back from dinner and were all settling around in the common room, Lily felt very sure that James had gone to the meeting alone after being unable to locate her before it started. She imagined him, gashed and bleeding under the Invisibility Cloak, alone in a room full of enemies with no help to come for hours. She lied to almost every person she knew, first telling the Marauders that James had gotten detention for something he did on his patrols, then Marlene and Alice (who had returned from the hospital wing with her headache cured) that she had too much homework to talk, and spent almost the whole evening with a book in her lap, not turning pages or even bothering to look like she was trying to study.

At ten o’clock, she announced that it was time for bed. This was her prerogative as Head Girl, but she usually gave people a little advance notice and almost never sent the older students up before eleven thirty. When Marlene asked her if she was going to be going to bed too, she told her she had too much studying to do.

Once everyone was out of the common room, Lily came to an idea she wished she had thought of hours ago—go to Professor Dumbledore. She left the Fat Lady swinging and reached his office faster than ever before. The stone gargoyle allowed her onto the staircase, but his study was locked.

“Professor Dumbledore!” she shouted, “It’s Lily Evans, please, I need to talk to you!”

The door remained closed. A muffled, snide voice yelled back at her.

“He’s not in!” it said, sounding very annoyed. “Quit shouting and let us sleep!”

Lily assumed that the voice belonged to one of the old headmaster portraits.

“Fine!” she yelled back, and turned on her heel. She had to tell somebody. Maybe Professor McGonagall would know where Professor Dumbledore was, maybe he was even in her office. This idea seemed more and more likely the longer Lily thought about it as she raced along to the Transfiguration department. She stopped again outside of Professor McGonagall’s office and banged on the door.

“Professor! Professor McGonagall! Prof—” she stopped suddenly, as she heard shuffling on the other side of the door.

Professor McGonagall opened the door, wearing a tartan dressing gown and slippers and carrying a lit candlestick.

“Miss Evans?” she asked, looking a little alarmed, “is everything alright?”

Now that she was face-to-face with Professor McGonagall, Lily wished she had thought of a plan for what to say to her.

“It’s Jam—Potter,” she started, “I can’t find him. Have you seen Professor Dumbledore?”

“He’s been called away for the evening,” she told Lily.

Professor McGonagall sighed, and Lily realized that she simply thought James was out setting up a prank. Lily quickly arranged her face to look irritated, rather than panicked.

“Did he give any hints as to what he might be doing this time? Do the others know where he is?”

“No, I asked them all,” she lied quickly, “he didn’t show up for patrols and he’s not in the common room. I’ve already sent everyone else to bed.”

“Well, I’ll look around for him,” Professor McGonagall said, conjuring a nightcap and piling her long braid of hair into it, “I suggest you go back to your common room and wait there. I’ll bring him back if I find him. Otherwise I suppose we will have to wait until tomorrow to find out what he’s up to.”

“Thank you,” she said, heart sinking. She wasn’t sure if Professor McGonagall knew about the dungeon, but she was willing to bet that James was invisible anyway and would thus not be found.

\--

Lily went back up to Gryffindor tower and into her dormitory. She considered getting into a nightdress, but changed her mind halfway through, and reached instead for James’s scarf, which she had still not returned. She walked back down the stairs and into the common room, where she sank into a chair, holding the scarf, trying not to think about what was going on in the meeting.

She had never felt so horrible in all her life. A combination of guilt, anger and terror were churning around in her stomach, making it impossible for her to get comfortable. She should’ve been quicker; she should’ve found him. Why did she waste time looking around the Quidditch pitch? She should’ve turned back to school when it was clear he wasn’t in the air, that would’ve saved at least three minutes. She couldn’t stop replaying the scene her mind had invented earlier of James lying on the floor of that cold room, blood blossoming onto his cloak and leaking out from underneath it, alerting the members of the DAC to his presence...

At one o’clock in the morning, the portrait hole opened, and then closed, apparently of its own accord. Lily watched with wide eyes as the Invisibility Cloak was pulled off, revealing James, looking sweaty but completely unharmed. Lily sat up very straight in her seat. She let out an exhale she hadn’t realized she’d been holding.

“James,” she breathed.

“Lily,” he said, panting a little bit, “I’m sorry I went without you, I couldn’t find you before the meeting. The spell they were practising today was intense, and then I nearly got caught by Filch, and then…”

He stopped, looking at her hard, his face full of concern.

“Lily, what’s wrong? Are you alright?”

James was asking if she, Lily, was alright. He could’ve been torn to bits tonight, and he knew that, and he just wanted to know if Lily was alright. He wasn’t being reckless, or arrogant—he was just that brave.

Lily stood up, letting the scarf fall to the ground, and in that moment, she realized that she was in love with him. Truly, properly in love. Her heart was beating so hard in her chest she thought her ribs might crack from the force of it. She took a couple of shallow breaths and then started walking quickly toward him, her feet apparently moving of their own accord. Her mind seemed to be working slower than her body, and her lips had already touched his by the time she realized she was going to kiss him.

It took a moment of stunned silence for him to respond, but when he did he wrapped his arms around her back and pulled her tightly against him. He kissed her fervently, all other concerns clearly forgotten--she even thought she heard him murmur " _wow_ " against her lips--but all she could feel was relief. Relief that he was safe, relief that he was right here, relief that her churning emotions towards him had been given a name and a purpose. She now knew that part of her had loved him ever since that night when he had first thrown the Invisibility Cloak over her head outside Gryffindor Tower, and to be standing in the glow of the common room fire kissing him was a most tremendous, welcome relief.

After quite some time, he moved back a little and she looked up into his face, his expression a mix of surprise and intense happiness. And then, to her absolute horror, she burst into tears. James just held her again, letting her sob into his shoulder.

“That bad at it, am I?” he chuckled, and she could tell he knew she wasn’t crying because of that.

“No,” she wailed, “of c-c-course not, James—I thought you were dead. I t-t-tried to find you but I c-couldn’t, and I saw Snape showing Crabbe that—that spell, and I went to look for you…”

She was crying mostly out of relief that James was okay, and he really was—she could feel his heartbeat through his shirt, solid and real, assuring her that he wasn’t going anywhere. She looked up at him again, and nearly laughed through her tears. He was grinning so widely it looked as though his face might split.

“I’m sorry, I’m taking you very seriously,” he told her immediately, “I just can’t stop smiling right now. I tried, I promise.”

At this she did laugh, and felt the tightness in her throat begin to ease. James produced a handkerchief from his pocket, and she blew her nose on it.

“Would you mind…can you kiss me again?” he asked eagerly, “Only I wasn’t prepared for it last time. I’d like a do-over.”

Another emotion was welling up inside of her under the waves of relief—joy. She laughed some more, wrapped her arms around James’s neck and kissed him hard again, she could feel his fingers entangled in her hair behind her head.

“Damn,” he said, pulling away from her suddenly, “you’ve distracted me. We’ve got to go talk to Dumbledore.”

“We can’t,” she told him, “he’s not at school. Professor McGonagall told me. I sent her to look for you earlier, by the way.”

“Where is he?” James asked her quickly, “and what did you tell Professor McGonagall I might be doing?”

“I don’t know. And I didn’t tell her anything,” Lily assured him, “she assumed you were out setting up a joke for tomorrow, and I didn’t correct her. Did you run into her?”

“No, but I saw her walking around on the map and I thought that was odd. She’s usually asleep by ten or so but she was in bed when I checked around midnight. She must’ve given up looking for me.”

Lily felt suddenly quite glad that she and James did not need to leave the common room right now. She didn’t want to be around anybody else at the moment.

“So what happened today?” James asked, then added, “Believe me, I’d much rather just keep snogging you, I really could do that forever, but I saw Alice on her way to the hospital wing and she told me she’d left you to fend for yourself in Potions. I assume you finally found time to talk to our greasy friend?”

Now that Lily was willing to admit to herself that she loved him, she was finding it a lot easier to acquiesce that he had a quite a few redeeming characteristics. Putting together that she had spoken to Snape because he’d seen Alice earlier—that was clever.

“I did speak to Snape,” she said firmly, “and I’m not ever going to speak to him again.”

“You’re calling him Snape now?” James asked, “And by the way, did I hear you call me James earlier? Can you say it again?”

“James?”

“God that’s good,” he said, closing his eyes for a moment, still grinning. “So you and I, we’re officially on a first-name basis now?”

“I think you’ve earned that, yes,” she said, giggling.

“So what happened in Potions?”

They spent the next hour sitting in two armchairs pulled up next to each other. Lily told James all about Potions, every word of her conversation with Snape, then about what she saw Snape do in the empty classroom with Crabbe, then her frantic search all over the castle for him. James had apparently not gone to the Quidditch pitch at all, and had instead waited in the common room for Lily. When she had not appeared, he figured he could just go it alone this time—he had not been aware of the spell they would be learning today, and figured it’d be another circus.

“That spell is actually terrifying,” he admitted to her, “Snape was teaching it to them. They were rubbish at it as usual at first, but then he told them to imagine hitting their enemies with it and they all got loads better really fast. They were throwing it all around the room at the walls, I nearly got hit two or three times. Then somebody did get hit, and they had to stop because Snape doesn’t know how to fix it. It was Crabbe, and he was bleeding a lot out of his arm. They ended the meeting so he could go up to the hospital wing. Don’t know what they told Madam Pomfrey.”

James had not let go of her hand once during the whole time they had been speaking.

“Now here’s the bad news,” he said, cringing, “they didn’t announce the next meeting at the end of today’s—probably because they were distracted by all the blood. So we’re going to have to figure out some other way of finding out when they’re gathering again. Maybe Dumbledore will tell us what to do when he gets back.”

Lily nodded. It was past two in the morning now, and they both had class the next day. She didn’t at all fancy leaving James and was wondering if it would be worth the trouble she’d be in to sleep out in the common room with him on the couch, when he mentioned she really should be getting to bed.

“I bet you’re tired,” he said, “you were really worried about me earlier, weren’t you? I’ve never seen your face so white.”

She felt her throat constrict again, so she just nodded in reply. He stood up, and pulled her into a standing position by the hand he was still holding, only letting go of it when he started to walk towards the staircase to the boys’ dormitories.

Lily made her way to her own door at the other side of the common room. James looked around at her.

“Goodnight, Lily,” he said, his eyes warm and his face still full of happiness.

She intended to say goodnight to him as well, but what came out instead was, “Good—I love you.”

James raised his arms casually at his sides, palms up, like he was addressing a crowd of spectators after a Quidditch victory, and said “I’ve always loved you.”

Then he spun around, flung the door to his dormitory open and shouted into it, “WAKE UP EVERYBODY!” then slammed the door behind him.


	12. Rips and Relationships

Lily had never looked forward to getting up so much as she did on the morning of the third of February, despite the fact that she had gotten to bed very late and was thus operating on many fewer hours of sleep than she normally liked to. As she descended the staircase out of her dormitory that led into the common room, she was pleased to see that James was already waiting for her.

“Good morning, James,” she said, and her heartbeat sped up at the sight of him. “Did you sleep well?”

“Sleep is for the weak,” he told her. Lily wondered whether he was wearing the same grin he had gone to bed with.

“You didn’t sleep at all?” she asked, but her question was then answered by the arrival of the remaining three Marauders, who stumbled out of their dormitory looking like zombies. Black replied to her instead.

“No, he didn’t,” he said, yawning, “which meant nobody else did either.”

“How could anyone sleep at a time like this?” James asked, incredulously, but didn’t wait for an answer. Lily had reached the bottom of the staircase and James had already drawn her close to him and was kissing her as if they were the only two people in existence.

“I’m going to breakfast,” Black announced loudly, “if I wanted to see that at this hour, I’d go find Marlene.”

“Come on, Prongs,” Remus said weakly, “let’s eat.”

James detached himself from Lily’s face and grabbed her hand, which he held all the way to breakfast. All along the way, people stared at them, then turned to one another and whispered behind their backs. Lily was uncomfortably aware of the attention, and she mentioned it to James.

“Everyone’s going to be talking about us,” she said, a little nervous.

“Yeah,” said James, with a smirk. She knew that this was his preferred state of things—everybody talking about him.

The rumour somehow seemed to have reached the Great Hall before they did. Every eye was turned toward them as they entered, and then people turned around and began whispering to their neighbours. Over at the Slytherin table, Snape looked up hopefully when he saw Lily, then his eyes were drawn down to her hand still entwined with James’s. His face turned a blotchy, rusty colour—the red blended with the sallowness always present in his skin made him appear almost orange. He stood up immediately and swept out of the Great Hall, more bat-like than Lily had ever seen him. The colour of his face reminded her suddenly and unpleasantly of the Mood Potion. She had not thought of it even once the previous evening, and the idea that it was still on her person was uncomfortable to the point of being unbearable.

“I’ve got to go to the loo,” she told James, and turned around as he called to her that he’d save her a seat.

There was a girls’ bathroom not far from the Great Hall, and, once inside a cubicle, Lily pulled the crystal vial of Mood Potion from her pocket. It had turned a dull, greyish black, and she knew instinctively that it had died and would never show colour again. This did not change what she had intended to do with it. Without hesitation, she uncorked the vial and spilled the contents into the toilet, then flushed without even looking to see it swirling down the drain. She tossed the stopper and vial into the bin on her way out to re-join James at the Gryffindor table.

Lily sat down and kissed James on the cheek, just because she could, before piling her plate with food. Alice was sitting with both hands clapped over her mouth, but after a moment she pulled them away and just stared at Lily, gaping. She seemed too stunned to even speak. Marlene, bent over a plate full of bacon and, shoving food into her mouth, gave Lily the thumbs up, which was a lot coming from Marlene.

Finally, Alice seemed to regain the power of speech.

“When?” she managed, whispering across the table to Lily.

“Last night,” Lily told her, smiling.

“I knew it,” Alice said, shaking her head, “You protes—prothes—what is that saying again?”

“The lady doth protest too much, methinks," Remus mumbled groggily, not taking his puffy eyes off of his breakfast.

“Right, that, thank you Remus,” Alice said, then returned to gaping openly at Lily and James.

After a few minutes, Lily noticed that James’s plate was empty. He might’ve eaten while she was in the loo, but he would typically be starting his third portions by now and his plate was gleaming as though untouched, and he had been gazing at her in a dopey sort of way ever since she sat down.

“Did you already eat?” she asked him, knowing the answer.

“I’m not hungry,” he told her.

“You’re not hungry?” she repeated, “You’re always hungry.”

“I don’t need sleep, or food,” he said soppily, “I just need you.”

“You’re not going to feel that way by lunch,” she warned him.

Lily had thought about it last night after going up to bed, and had suspected that James was going to return to his theatrical, boastful behaviour now that they were together. She was confident, however, that it would not last long and that she’d have the James she fell in love with back very soon.

\--

They started the day with Defence Against the Dark Arts. Professor Bones was teaching them about a race of undead creatures called Inferi today, which Lily thought appropriate. The Marauders looked like a race of undead unto themselves, with the exception of James, who was unusually alert and attentive. At the end of the period, Professor Bones gave them five minutes with which to practise their Patronuses. This seemed to have been the moment James had been waiting for.

“Professor Bones,” he called, loudly enough to ensure everybody was watching him, “watch this.”

James held his wand out in front of him, looked straight into Lily’s eyes, and said “ _Expecto Patronum_!”

Lily now understood his reaction when he had seen her doe for the first time. An enormous silver stag erupted from the end of his wand, looking majestic and quite as beautiful as her doe had been. He galloped in the air for a moment, turning to look at Lily, and his eyes reminded her so strongly of James’s that she had to turn back to James himself for a moment to ensure that he was still there. How James had known his Patronus would be a stag, Lily was not sure. She intended to ask him later.

\--

History of Magic began with Remus sitting down next to her and laying his head on the desk in his arms without comment. Lily felt vaguely guilty that she was the reason he had been woken so early. After a few minutes though, he lifted his head and wrote her a note.

 

 _Congratulations, James told us everything_.

 

Lily smiled and wrote back,

 

_Thanks…what did he say?_

 

_He told us he came back from a detention and you attacked him, and that you two snogged for quite a while. He said that his snogging skills were so good that you wept._

 

Lily snorted so loudly that Professor Binns looked up from his desk at her, although he continued lecturing as though he had not been interrupted. Several other people looked around in alarm, and Lily tried feebly to turn the snort into a cough.

 

 _What an attractive laugh you have_ , wrote Remus, _no wonder James is so besotted with you_.

 

_Thanks, Remus._

 

_Peter did say he thought he heard you crying though._

 

 _Did he now? You’re all going mad then. James is having you on, you know_.

 

Remus looked as though he was going to respond to this seriously, wrote something, then thought better of it and crossed it out. He put his head down on his desk again and went back to sleep.

\--

Lily had been quite right about James being hungry by lunchtime. His appetite seemed to have returned with a vengeance, because he was clearly on second helpings by the time Lily arrived in the Great Hall. She took a seat next to him.

“’ow os isty maic?” he said.

“Sorry?” she asked him, shaking her head slightly.

“’ow os isty maic?” he repeated, not understanding that she needed him to swallow his food before he spoke.

Lily rolled her eyes and, upon doing so, noticed that Professor Dumbledore had returned to the staff table. She elbowed James.

“What?” he asked her between bites.

“Look!” she whispered, “Professor Dumbledore.”

“Oh good!” James exclaimed, “We can go see him after dinner then.”

Black plopped down on James’s other side.

“Alright, lovebirds? You won’t mind me borrowing Prongs for the evening, will you Evans? He and I have got plans.”

“Er…” Lily began. She wasn’t sure what to say.

“Sorry Padfoot,” said James carelessly, grabbing another handful of chips, “no can do, mate. We’ve got patrols again.”

Black’s expression flickered for just a moment.

“Really?” he asked, clearly trying to sound unconcerned, “I thought you had patrols last night? Or was it detention?”

“I had both,” James lied smoothly. “First the one, then the other.”

“Right,” said Black, sounding thoroughly unconvinced. He too grabbed a handful of chips, but he dropped them on his plate and made no move to eat them.

James suddenly seemed to realize that he might be upsetting Black.

“Look,” he sighed, “I’d much rather…”

“Don’t worry about it,” Black interrupted, still not touching his food and looking blankly somewhere over Lily’s shoulder. “I’m sure Marlene will be happy to keep me company.”

Lily was about to say something about this, but Black got up and left the Great Hall before she could find the words.

“James,” Lily started, no longer able to ignore Black’s behaviour, “I think you might need to talk to Black.”

“Why?” asked James, looking as though he were contemplating taking another helping of chips.

"I just think," she said, choosing her words very carefully, "he might be feeling a bit...neglected."

"Neglected? Nah, he's just cross because we haven't pulled any jokes since Christmas," said James, deciding in favour of more chips and filling his plate again.

Lily decided not to say anything else. She was quite certain that she was right, but she personally was also angry at Black for the way he had been treating Marlene and was not feeling very helpful towards him at the moment. Instead, she selected a sandwich and listened to James telling her about an assignment in Ancient Runes that she knew he had no intention of completing.

\--

After dinner, she and James went straight to Professor Dumbledore's office without stopping off at Gryffindor tower. She let go of his hand when they reached the stone gargoyle, but he tried to grab it again outside the door that led into the office. She jerked it of the way just in time as he pushed the door open.

Professor Dumbledore was at his desk as usual. He motioned for them to sit down, which they did. James was practically bouncing in his seat.

"I am sorry I was unable to be here to meet with you last night," Professor Dumbledore began. "I was unavoidably detained elsewhere. Professor McGonagall tells me you were looking for me. I do hope that no one was harmed as a result of my absence."

"Lily and I are together now," James burst out, clearly no longer able to resist announcing the good news in the presence of someone who had not yet heard it.

"James!" Lily hissed, jabbing him in the side with her elbow and whipping round to face him, "Professor Dumbledore doesn't need to hear about your love life!"

" _Our_  love life," James corrected her immediately.

Lily turned back to Professor Dumbledore, unblinking and open mouthed. Professor Dumbledore continued to watch them, his expression unchanged.

"I'm so sorry Headmaster," she said faintly, "perhaps the Head Boy would be so kind as to tell you about the meeting he attended last night," she added, darting her eyes back to James and daring him to bring up their relationship again. 

James launched into a long retelling of the events of last night. He brushed away her absence from the meeting as a "misunderstanding" about where they were supposed to meet up, something Lily thought was very generous of him. She still blamed herself for not thinking quickly enough to have found him before it started. 

She was also surprised that the version of events he gave Professor Dumbledore was identical to the one she had heard last night. Given his behaviour over the course of the day, Lily was expecting a certain level of embellishment and had been prepared to interrupt him if he said anything that didn't match up exactly.

"...so I ran back to the common room," James said, nearing the end of his story, "and Lily had waited for me, it was round one at this point, and basically as soon as I got in she ran up to me and started--"

"Thank you, James," interrupted Lily, very loudly, "that's all he needs to know."

Mercifully, James stopped talking. Professor Dumbledore had not said anything yet, and he surveyed them over his glasses for quite some time before he spoke.

"Miss Evans, during our last meeting we discussed your intentions to attempt to repair your friendship with Mr Snape," he said, finally, "Has any progress been made towards that goal?"

"Yes, and then no," said Lily, "I spoke with him during Potions yesterday and we made amends. But then I saw him practicing the spell he invented in an empty classroom with Crabbe, and he said he was imagining slashing James to bits..."  
"I can see how that would have upset you," Professor Dumbledore reassured her gently.

"Anyway, it doesn't matter now," Lily continued, "Snape saw James and I together at breakfast this morning. He didn't say anything but I know him and I've never seen him so angry. He isn't going to want anything to do with me now."

"I think we need to forget about Snape," James interjected. "What I'm worried about is: how are we going to get into the next meeting? We don't know when it is and Lily and I can't spend all our time hanging round in the dungeons--"

"You still want to go to the next meeting?!" cried Lily, "After what nearly happened to you this time?

"We'll just cast a shield charm," suggested James, as though he were speaking of putting up an umbrella to keep out the rain, "I know you can cast a nonverbal shield charm, I've seen you do it before."

"Well...alright," she said, still a little reluctant because this plan had not yet been tested and it seemed a very big risk to take that it wouldn't work. 

"Which brings us back to my question of how we're going to keep tabs on everyone so we know when they're meeting," said James. 

"They will not be gathering again for some time," added Professor Dumbledore, "I have spoken to Madam Pomfrey and she has informed me that Mr Crabbe is going to be in the hospital wing for at least a month. It would be very foolish to risk injuring a second student until the first is at least healed."

"So we just wait for Crabbe to get better?" That's all we can do now?" asked James. He didn't sound very keen on the idea of sitting around doing nothing. 

"I'm afraid that is all we can do," said Professor Dumbledore. 

Lily and James got up to leave. As they reached the door, Professor Dumbledore called after them.

“Oh and, James?”  
Both of them turned around.

“Congratulations,” said Professor Dumbledore, his eyes twinkling.

\--

They arrived back in the common room well before bedtime. James collapsed into his usual armchair, pulling Lily with him into his lap. As soon as Black caught sight of James, he walked over to where Marlene was sitting and sprawled himself across the back of an armchair behind her, looking over her shoulder.

"Shall we take a stroll then?" he asked, loudly enough that Lily and James could both hear him. 

"No thank you," said Marlene, not taking her eyes off of the rip in her Quidditch robes that she was mending with her wand. Lily could tell the words were costing her effort. 

"Hmm..." said Black, but he made no move to get up and continued to watch her from over the back of the chair. After several minutes of tense silence, Marlene spoke again. 

"Did not you not hear me, Sirius?"

"I heard you," he replied, "I just thought I'd wait around a bit since you usually change your mind right away after you say that. Thought I'd make it easier for you to find me by not leaving."

Lily's blood boiled. Marlene's fingers closed more firmly around her wand. Lily waited to see what Marlene would do, hand on her own wand, just in case Marlene needed assistance in hexing him. 

"I'm not going to change my mind," Marlene said firmly, "and that was a 'no thank you' for now and going forward. Please don't ask me again."

She stood up and walked very slowly and calmly up the stairs and into her dormitory, bringing her mending with her.

Lily watched Marlene all the way up the staircase, then turned her eyes onto James. He appeared to be frozen. She leaned down to whisper in his ear.

“I’m going to go upstairs.” He nodded. His eyes were as wide as saucers, and as soon as she stood up he became very interested in examining the hearthrug underneath his chair. Lily was nearly at the top of the stairs when she heard the sound of Black flumping into his usual position on the couch in front of the fire.

“Looks like it’s just us now, eh boys?” she heard him say happily before she closed the door.

Marlene was sitting on her bed, still working on her Quidditch robes. Lily had never seen Marlene cry before, but this was an exceptional situation and she was expecting tears. There were none. Marlene looked as calm as she had in the common room. Lily sat down next to her.

“Are you alright?” she asked. Marlene gave a small smile, but did not look up from her work.

“I’ll be fine,” she said.

“Black was really horrible to you—” Lily started, but Marlene interrupted her quietly.

“No, he wasn’t,” she said, “he was just being Black. This is my fault.”

Lily could not understand why Marlene was defending him. She opened her mouth to argue, but Marlene continued.

“I knew what he was like when I got involved with him. It was supposed to be what I told you—just a bit of fun. I shouldn’t have gotten attached to him, so I’m really who’s to blame.”

“No, you’re not,” Lily corrected her, “of course you got attached to him, who wouldn’t in that situation?”

“Then I should’ve gotten out when I started having feelings for him,” said Marlene, still not looking up from her mending, “but I didn’t, and now here I am.”

“It’s really over though,” she continued, “I’m not going to be going out with him again.” Lily believed her.

Marlene held up her Quidditch robe to examine it. Lily could see where she mended it, a little scar of stitches marring the otherwise smooth fabric, but it looked sturdy and would not be noticeable from a distance. Marlene folded the robe carefully, stood up, and put it back in her wardrobe, then turned to Lily.

“I know you asked me not to bother you about Snape,” she started, “but I really— “

“You don’t have to worry about that anymore,” Lily interrupted, “I’m done with him too.”

“And that potion he gave you?”

“I flushed it,” Lily told her with a smile.

“I think you and Potter are very well-suited,” said Marlene. Lily was not expecting this compliment, and she was not sure where it came from, but it made her very happy. Marlene knew James as well as anybody—they had played Quidditch together for five years and James thought very highly of her. The fact that Marlene felt she and James were a good match bode well for their future together.


	13. Spilled Secrets

True to Lily’s expectations of him, James did calm down considerably over the next couple of weeks. He began eating and sleeping again like a regular person, but the glow in his face returned every time he looked at her, and he seemed quite unable to keep his hands off her, as though afraid she might disappear if he let go. Lily had seen enough romances at Hogwarts to know that this was very typical of new couples, and she had to admit that she too seemed unable to get enough of him.

Marlene was back to her usual forceful self within days. Every once in a while, Lily thought she saw a flicker of emotion pass across Marlene’s face when Black entered a room or spoke, but it was gone as quickly as it came, and she conversed with the Marauders as if nothing had ever transpired between them.

Black, on the other hand, was not faring so well. Between James’s schedule of Quidditch practices, patrols, homework and Lily he was spending less time with James than ever before, and he no longer had Marlene to distract him. He was spending more time than ever brooding handsomely around the common room, ignoring Peter and even sometimes Remus. James appeared not to notice.

February the 12th was another Hogsmeade weekend. Lily had never been to Hogsmeade with someone as a date before, and she was looking forward immensely to spending the day with James in the village. James brought his bag along with him, and Lily could guess by its bulk that he was carrying the birthday present she hadn’t accepted a few weeks ago to try and give it to her again.

They did their shopping first—Lily went to Honeydukes and picked up some more Fizzing Whizbees (her estimate for how long the supply James had given her would last had been off by a couple of weeks), and James bought enough sweets that he would have had trouble fitting them all in his school trunk. Lily had planned to purchase a set of binoculars with which to watch him during his Quidditch games at Wiseacre’s Wizarding Equipment, but while she was looking at something else, James bought them for her and refused to accept repayment. They passed Scrolls and Tomes and Lily felt a twinge of disappointment when she noticed that the _Encyclopaedia of Healing_ was missing from its window display. She had been considering dragging James inside so she could have another look at it.

Eventually they got cold and James suggested they go inside to get something to drink.

“Shall we try Madam Puddifoot’s” Lily asked eagerly, “I’ve never been before.”

“You’re not missing out,” said James quickly, “I mean, we can go if you want to, of course, I just don’t think you’ll fancy it all that much…”

“Oh, well I don’t really mind,” she added, “I just thought…”

“Well, here,” James said, and he pulled her by the arm up the high street toward Madam Puddifoot’s, “we’ll just look through the window and you can tell me if you want to go there or the Three Broomsticks. I don’t really care where we go as long as I’m with you.”

Lily stuck her face up against the glass of one of the misty windows of Madam Puddifoot’s and peered inside. She had always considered herself to be a reasonably girly person— less than Alice, maybe, but certainly more so than Marlene—but Madam Puddifoot’s struck her as a bit much for anybody. Every surface was covered in lacy doilies, the cosy booths were full of snogging couples and when someone opened the door next to the window she was looking through, she got a face full of such sickly sweet perfumed air that it made her gag.

“You were right,” she told James, grabbing his hand once more and pulling him away from the window, “let’s go to the Three Broomsticks.”

James dragged her directly up to the bar when they entered the Three Broomsticks. Madam Rosmerta made a beeline for him the moment he caught her eye.

“James!” she exclaimed, pinching his cheeks, “I missed you last time!”

“I had too much to do up at school,” he told her, “I would’ve much rather been here, I assure you.”

“Where are your other little rascals? I haven’t seen them yet today,” said Madam Rosmerta.

“I dunno,” said James, in a tone that conveyed he could not care less where the other Marauders had got to, “I’m here today with my girlfriend! Have you met Lily Evans?”

James had obviously been bursting to introduce her, and he pushed her up to the counter by the small of her back.

“I’ve seen you before,” said Madam Rosmerta fondly, “I’m not likely to forget that beautiful head of red hair anytime soon, but I don’t think we’ve ever been properly introduced. It’s a pleasure.”

Madam Rosmerta stuck out her hand, and Lily shook it over the bar.

“Just Butterbeer then, James?” Madam Rosmerta asked him, pulling two tankards from under the bar.

James paid for the Butterbeer while Lily went to find them a booth. When he returned with their drinks, he sat across from her and immediately began to dig in his bag.

“Madam Rosmerta seems very fond of you,” she said between sips.

“Yeah,” said James from under the table, “she’s a family friend. I’ve known her since I was born.”

It never ceased to amaze Lily how well-connected James was. His family seemed to know just about every other one in the wizarding world. She wondered why Professor Slughorn had never made him part of the Slug Club—then she remembered the incident with the Stink Pellets and answered her own question. James finally resurfaced carrying the same badly wrapped package he had attempted to give her on her birthday.

“It’s a Valentine’s Day gift now,” he said, thrusting the package towards her over the table, “you have to take it because I’m well within my rights to get my girlfriend a Valentine’s Day present.”

This seemed fair to Lily, and she could tell that there would be no point in arguing that the binoculars had also been a Valentine’s Day gift, and she attempted to undo the knot on the string around the heavy parcel. It did not budge.

“I’ve never wrapped anything before,” said James by way of explanation.

After several fruitless attempts to untie the knot, she produced her wand and sliced it with a severing charm. Lily exhaled loudly as she pulled the paper away to reveal the _Encyclopaedia of Healing_.

“How did you—” she started, but he answered before she could finish asking the question.

“Remus told me you were admiring it,” he said, “so I got it for you.”

Lily opened the front cover and James cringed a little.

“I wrote something in it for you,” he said quickly, “but it’s not in permanent ink, you can remove it if you want.”

There was a note on the inside of the front cover in James’s messy writing.

 

_Dear Lily,_

_Happy Birthday! I wanted to give you something I knew you’d like, and Remus suggested this. He also told me your favourite sweets were Fizzing Whizbees. I hope he was right—not sure what you’ll do with the box if you don’t like them. I guess you could give them back to me. Fizzing Whizbees are my favourite too._

_I wanted you to know that I’m still in love with you. I know I’ve stopped bothering you about going out with me, but that’s only because I reckoned I was annoying you too much. My feelings haven’t changed. I’m not going to start up pestering you again, but I just wanted to make sure you knew that if you ever wanted to give it a go with me, I’m still here. I’ll always be here._

_Love,_

_James_

 

Lily looked up at him. He seemed extremely nervous for some reason, Lily couldn’t think why. He knew now that she loved him, what was there to be anxious about? She leaned over the table and kissed him, then pulled her wand out again and cast a charm to make his message permanent.

“Thank you, James,” she whispered to him, “this is a wonderful gift.”

“Can I ask you something?” he said.

“Of course,” she replied.

“Do you want to be a healer when you finish school? Is that why you liked that book so much?”

Lily was not expecting this question.

“I…maybe,” she said, thinking. “I’m not really sure, to be honest with you. I think I’d like being a healer, I like helping people and Potions…”

James nodded.  
“I think you’d make a fantastic healer,” he said with fervour, “I’d come to St. Mungo’s with a new injury every day just to see you.”

Lily giggled. Over his shoulder and through the window, she saw Snape make his way into the Hog’s Head, and found she didn’t care.

“What about you?” she asked James, “I remember you used to say you were going to be a dragon tamer, but then you wanted to be a Curse Breaker. Is that still what you’re going for? Because then you told me you weren’t really taking Ancient Runes very seriously and you’d really need that subject, wouldn’t you?”  
James tensed up in a way she had never seen him do before. He looked as if he would rather talk about nearly anything else.

“I don’t know,” he said slowly, with a kind of lost quality to his voice that was quite unfamiliar, “There’s not really anything…I mean, I can’t really see myself as…”

“I don’t know,” he said again, “whatever it is, I want to make sure I can still see plenty of you.”

His usual smirk was back, replacing the insecure look he’d been wearing while talking about his future. Lily decided that this would be a subject for a different time.

“Thanks again for the book,” she said, locking eyes with him. “Truly. It’s beautiful, and what you wrote…”

“Anytime,” said James, “and I really do love you.”

“I love you too,” she told him.

\--

The day before February the 23rd, a full moon, Black piped up at breakfast for the first time that day;

“I expect you’ll already have an engagement tomorrow night,” he said lightly to James.

James had been eating peacefully up until that moment. He looked shocked for a second, then put down his knife and fork and stared daggers at Black.  
“Of course not,” James told him angrily.

Black looked up in surprise.

“Oh, well, forgive me then,” he said, not sounding apologetic at all, “I just assumed…”

Lily could not stand being curious anymore. She whispered to James that she needed to talk to him, got up from the table and dragged him into a disused classroom. He turned to her with a smirk after shutting the door behind him.

“Now this is more like it,” he started, winding his arms around her.

“That’s not why we’re here,” she said, pushing gently away from him and sitting on a desk.

He looked disappointed, but took a seat on top of the desk across from her.

“What are you up to during the full moon?” she asked him again.

James hesitated.

“I still can’t tell you,” he said, cringing a little, “I really am sorry Lily, it’s just that it’s not my secret to tell.”

Lily felt the time had come for her to share the bit of information she’d been keeping from him since fifth year.

“I already know about Remus’s ‘furry little problem,’” she told him in an undertone, “what I want to know is what the rest of you are doing while he transforms.”

James’s eyes grew so wide that his eyebrows disappeared into his hairline, and his jaw dropped. He was silent for a moment, then he seemed to find his voice.

“You---you---he told,” he sputtered, “but—when—how---?”  
“Professor McGonagall told me in fifth year when we became Prefects,” Lily explained.

“Two years?” he gasped, “You’ve known for two years?”

“Two and a half,” she corrected him.

“Moony didn’t tell us you knew!” he exclaimed, “He’s just been letting us dance around the topic in front of you, letting us look like proper idiots— “

“You’ve no idea how much I’ve enjoyed that,” Lily said with a smile.

“Well,” he shook his head in disbelief, “hats off to Moony. That _is_ funny.”

“So can you tell me what you’ve been doing then?” she pressed.

“Yeah,” said James, enthusiastically, “I reckon I can—you already know the worst of it.”

Lily leaned forward eagerly.

“We found out in second year about his furry little problem” James began, “and we really wanted to come up with some way to help make the full moon a bit less miserable for him. He’s only dangerous to humans, you know, so we decided to become Animagi. That way we could accompany him during his transformations. Took us a couple of years, but we finally managed it. Now we spend the full moon in the forest together. I can’t pretend he exactly looks forward to it, it’s still painful but at least—what is it?”

James fell silent at the disbelieving look on Lily’s face. This was the most preposterous story she had ever heard from James, and that was saying quite a lot.

“You’re having me on,” she told him at once, “Look, I get it if you really want to have your little secret, that’s fine. Just don’t make things up because— “

“I’m not making up,” he said, shaking his head, “it’s the truth, I swear it.”

“You can’t be an Animagi,” Lily told him, reasonably, “there’ve only been a handful of registered Animagi this century, Professor McGonagall told us— “

“ _Registered_ ,” James emphasized, “we are most definitely not registered.”

Lily looked at him doubtfully. “Alright,” she said, “let’s see then. Transform for me right now.”

James looked all around him. “I can’t now,” he said.

“Why not?” she demanded.

He pointed at the ceiling, from which hung many intricate skeletons and models of magical creatures.

“My antlers will get snagged on those,” he explained, “plus I’m just too big. I’ll be knocking over desks and— “

“That’s convenient,” she snorted. “Antlers, did you say?”

“Yeah,” nodded James, “I’m a stag.”

“Is that how you knew your Patronus would be a stag?” she asked.

“Yeah, I assumed it would,” he said.

That did make sense. Still, the idea that James and his friends spent one evening a month as animals gallivanting around in the Forbidden Forest was…absurd, to say in the least.

“Fine then,” she said, determined to catch him in this deception, “why hasn’t anybody ever seen you?”

“Actually, I’ve run into Hagrid a fair few times,” he said without hesitation, “apparently I’m the biggest stag in the Forest.”

James put on a gruff tone in a very good imitation of Hagrid’s voice.

“The biggest one I ever seen…an’ so friendly too. I’d keep yeh if I had anywhere to put yeh.”

Lily laughed, still unsure of what to think. James seemed to have an answer for everything. He leaned forward and grasped her hands in his.

“Lily, I swear I’m not having you on,” he said sincerely, “one night I’ll take you out to the Forest in the middle of the night and show you.”

“That won’t be necessary,” she said, “What would it look like if someone spotted us? Anyway, I think I believe you, I just need…a little time to digest it, that’s all.”

James nodded, then looked at his watch and said reluctantly, “Come on, we better go or we’ll be late for Defence Against the Dark Arts.”

\--

Their Defence Against the Dark Arts class were given a final chance to show Professor Bones their Patronuses before they moved on completely to other topics. Lily got top marks, as did James. She knew they were now using the same memory when they cast the Patronus charm, as the memory of Snape’s face no longer brought her the slightest bit of joy, so she had replaced it with kissing James for the first time, which worked wonderfully.

Lily watched the other Marauders cast their Patronuses in a new light. If James was telling the truth, then Black would turn into a dog, and Peter would be what she thought might be some kind of rodent, his Patronus was still so fuzzy that it was impossible to make out its true form. Come to think of it, none of them had seemed the least bit curious about what their Patronus would be when it appeared. It had been a topic of intense conversation among just about everybody else, but the four of them had never discussed it to the best of her knowledge.

During History of Magic, Lily had an idea. She wrote out a note and passed it to Remus, then watched him read it.

 

_James told me that he, Black and Peter are Animagi. Is that true?_

 

Remus’s eyes widened, and he chewed his bottom lip as if trying to decide what to say. He sat there for a moment with his quill tip paused above the parchment. Then he wrote a reply and passed it to her.

 

_Yes, that’s true._

 

That settled it for Lily. Remus would never directly lie to her. She still had a million questions, and passed the rest of the class period asking Remus about them.

 

_So they transform and then sneak into the Shrieking Shack to be with you after bed?_

 

_That’s right._

 

_How long has this been going on?_

 

_Since fifth year._

 

_Does McGonagall know? Does Dumbledore?_

 

_NO_ _. Nobody else knows._

 

_Wow._

 

_Yeah._

\--

The day after the full moon, Lily didn’t have a chance to visit Remus at all in between classes. She was planning to go see him after dinner, but to her immense surprise, he showed up at the Gryffindor table while they were all eating. He looked battered and bruised, but otherwise happy.

“How was last night, Remus?” Lily asked him softly, “Did you all have a good time?”

Black dropped his spoon into his soup with a loud clatter.

“It’s okay, Padfoot,” Remus reassured him, “she knows everything.”

“You told her all about us?” Black asked, in a dangerous sort of voice.

“Well, she already knew about me,” said Remus hesitantly, “ _I_ didn’t tell her about you guys…”

His voice trailed off as Black whirled around at James.

“ _You_ told her then?” Black accused him.

“She already knew about Remus,” said James reasonably, “I just…”

“Going to invite her along next time too, I expect?” asked Black icily.

“She can’t come,” Peter interjected, “she can’t turn into— “

“Shut up, Wormtail,” hissed James, looking around at the rest of the Gryffindor table. People were starting to turn around to listen to the argument.

“Why should he?” Black sneered loudly, “I thought we were telling everybody now?”

“You’re out of order, mate. Let’s discuss this later,” said James from between his teeth.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” spat Black, “going to take points from Gryffindor for me now, are you?”

James turned away from him. The four Marauders returned to their food and were silent for the rest of the meal. Lily wished very much that she had not brought up the subject and remained quiet as well. She had assumed James would have told them that he had let her in on their secret, but apparently she had been wrong to do so.

James spent the evening curled up in a corner of Gryffindor tower with her, watching her study for Arithmancy. She didn’t blame him for wanting some time away from the Marauders, and suspected that the argument would resurface when the four of them went up to bed.


	14. The Snitch and the Spider

To Lily’s astonishment, Black was perfectly friendly towards her the next morning. James told her later in Arithmancy that this was because they had had it out a bit last night after they’d gone to bed, and Black had conceded that none of this had been Lily’s fault. He was not, however, quite so keen to let James off the hook, and Lily noticed that he was overtly cordial toward James during lunch and all through the rest of the day.

Lily was very aware that this time, when all they needed to worry about was spats between friends, was coming to a close. Crabbe had been in the hospital wing for almost a full month. Every morning Lily came to breakfast knowing that one day soon he would reappear at the Slytherin table, and she and James would need to resume their sneaking about trying to spy on the DAC.

James, however, seemed to be almost exclusively concerned about Quidditch these days. His enthusiasm for Quidditch was infectious in a way Marlene’s never had been. He spoke of nearly nothing else for the following week, and Lily found herself excited to watch a match for the first time in her life.

Gryffindor would be playing Hufflepuff. The morning of the match, Lily kissed James for good luck and watched him walk into the changing rooms, then made her way up to the stands. She was carrying the pair of binoculars James had purchased for her in Hogsmeade, and found a seat next to Alice, who was sitting alone wearing red from head to toe. She could just spot Frank on the other side of the field blending into a mass of yellow. Alice and Frank had a pact that they did not speak about Quidditch on days when Gryffindor and Hufflepuff played against one another.

As it turned out, Lily had picked the wrong game in which to start caring about Quidditch. Hufflepuff were every bit as good as James had said and then some. And unlike Slytherin who always cheated, (according to James) Hufflepuff's success came from skill and hard work and they played exclusively within the rules. 

The problem wasn't their Chasers (who were good, but not as good as Gryffindor's) but their new Seeker. Aiden Lynch was in second year, he was a wisp of a boy and lightning fast. Marlene was petite too, easily the smallest girl in their year, but Lynch looked as though he might be carried off by a slight breeze, and Lily knew that his lightness gave him an enormous advantage. 

Gryffindor's strategy in this game, according to James, was going to be to score as many goals as possible with the assumption that Lynch was likely to catch the Snitch. This put the burden of winning largely on James's shoulders, which he had mentioned to Lily in a would-be casual voice about six or seven times in the last week. She never called him on it, but there was no doubt in her mind that he was very nervous. 

He looked it too, she thought, scrutinizing him through her binoculars as he and the rest of the players took the field. He kicked off hard and Lily felt her heart speed up as he snatched the Quaffle out of the air and streaked toward the Hufflepuff goalposts. She watched as he was intercepted by a Hufflepuff Chaser, who flew like a bullet towards the Gryffindor Keeper. James came from underneath and intercepted her before she reached the goal. They collided in mid-air with an almost audible crunch and Lily's heart dropped into her stomach as he plummeted several feet before righting himself, Quaffle tucked securely under his arm. He rocketed towards the Hufflepuff goalposts and scored. 

Lily clapped and cheered as hard as anybody, but James was not paying attention to the crowd. She could see him hovering, gripping tight to his broomstick, watching to see which Chaser the Hufflepuff Keeper would throw the Quaffle to. A split second after the ball left the Keeper's hands, James appeared out of nowhere in front of the Chaser whom he had attempted to throw to and intercepted the Quaffle. He scored again immediately. The applause was thunderous. 

James continued to score goals with the same ferocious concentration for the better part of an hour. Lily could tell he was getting tired and sweaty, and his aim wasn’t as good as it had been at the beginning of the game, but he was relentless nonetheless. Hufflepuff's Beaters were focusing all their energy on hitting Bludgers toward James, but Gryffindor's Beaters had him covered.

The score was now 170-30 in Gryffindor's favour. All but one of Gryffindor's goals had been scored by James, who was currently in possession of the Quaffle and headed toward the Hufflepuff goalposts once again. As Lily watched him he suddenly stopped, looked up, then pointed his broomstick towards the ground and prepared to dismount. Lily was so confused that she removed her binoculars and looked around. She had all but forgotten about the Seekers. Her spirits sank as she caught sight of Lynch, hand held high, clutching the Snitch. The game was over. Gryffindor had lost. 

\--

The gloom that overtook the entirety of Gryffindor tower was something Lily had seen in the past, but had not personally experienced before she started caring about Quidditch. People sat slumped in chairs, looking at the floor, or else holding books but not really reading. As she understood it, losing this game did not necessarily take them out of the running, but they would have to wait for the outcome of next week's game, Slytherin versus Ravenclaw, to find out who they would be playing next. If they lost any subsequent games, they would be disqualified. 

She sat with James in one armchair, nearly in his lap, reading a book for bonus points in Charms. James was staring moodily into the fire and not acknowledging anybody. She had told him how sorry she was that they lost when he had returned to Gryffindor tower, but he had merely grunted in response and flopped silently down into the armchair. That had been more than an hour ago, and he had not moved since. 

Lily twirled a strand of hair around her wand, and chanced a glance at James out of the corner of her eye. He had torn his gaze away from the fireplace and was now watching her hair as it wound around and around her wand. 

"You know what might make me feel better?" he muttered in her ear, addressing her for the first time in over an hour. 

"Hmm?" She had a pretty good idea what he was getting at, but it was more fun to make him spell it out for her.

"I was just thinking..." he said, his breath fluttering her hair and making her ear ticklish. She tried not to giggle and kept her eyes focused on the page in front of her. James's arm snaked around her waist.

"Thinking what?" she said as vaguely as possible, but she knew her smile was giving her away.

"Well, maybe a bit of snog--" he started, but just then Black clapped his hands together and stood up. 

"Alright. I'm declaring this pity party over," he announced, then looked around. He seemed surprised that no one was cheered by the news that they were no longer permitted to be unhappy. 

"We lost today, but really, what does it matter? We're playing Slytherin next--"

"Or Ravenclaw!" someone piped up. 

"No not 'or Ravenclaw'" he said, rolling his eyes. "Ravenclaw are rubbish this year, didn't you see Hufflepuff flatten them? They're as good as gone already. But we've beaten Slytherin once this year, so we might as well just buck up now and start getting ready for the cup."

Lily thought it was a bit rich of Black, who had been the moodiest and broodiest person she had ever seen over the past fortnight, to be giving everyone else a pep talk. He continued. 

"We'll be having a victory party over Slytherin in a few weeks. Prongs, you were superb as always. And I can't wait to see McKinnon snatch the Snitch out from under my dear brother's nose again. McKinnon, you flew really well today," he added, not a hint of flirting or teasing in his voice. Marlene looked up at him in shocked disbelief, then gave him half a smile.

"I promise you it kills Regulus to get beaten by a Gryffindor, and a girl," he said fervently, "please do it again."

Marlene laughed. Lily could tell this was Black's version of an apology, and that Marlene had accepted it. She felt considerably warmer toward him than she had in many months.

Black jumped onto a table and pulled out several bottles of firewhiskey from under his robes. Lily had to wonder where he kept getting them, but before she had time to think too hard about it, he had opened one, held it high and was yelling "To our Quidditch team! And to our future victory!"

There was short round of applause, then people began to pull out their wands to conjure cups. Lily had to admire him, Black knew how to work a room. The firewhiskey was passed their way and Lily intercepted it before James could pour himself a drink.

"Pumpkin Juice for you, I think, Head Boy?" she asked him pointedly.

"Er...of course," he said quickly, "I hate firewhiskey anyway."

"Just a reminder," Lily called over the din, "I better not see anybody underage drinking firewhiskey."

She gave a stern look to Daniel Cummings, a fourth year and Chaser, who hastily passed the cup he'd been about to drink from over to Alice. Alice looked in it, grimaced, and handed it to Marlene, who downed it in one gulp without even looking to see what it was.

It was not really a party exactly--Lily had been present for many Quidditch victory parties and this was certainly nothing compared to that. It was more like a gathering of solidarity--there was a feeling in the room of quiet determination. They may have been defeated today, but they would rise again.

"Hey," whispered James, cosying up to her once more, many hours later, after much of Gryffindor House had gone up to bed, "I wouldn't say no to some snogging, if it's still on offer."

Lily nodded at him eagerly. Despite the fact that they had not had any more missions from Professor Dumbledore this month, opportunities for alone time had been thin on the ground and she was at least as keen as James to make up for lost time.

"We're going to get some air," he called to the Marauders. Black, collapsed on his sofa with a copy of the Daily Prophet spread over his face, waved vaguely in their direction.

They exited through the portrait hole, whereupon James covered them with the Invisibility Cloak and pulled out his map. The corridor was deserted.

“C’mon,” he whispered, more to be enticing than out of necessity, “I know the perfect place where no one will ever find us.”

They walked briskly for several minutes, James pointed on the map to a spot not far from them where he assured her they could remain undisturbed for centuries, if they so wished. Then he stopped so suddenly that she accidentally pulled the cloak off of him as she continued to walk.

“Damnit,” James said, so loudly that it echoed off the walls. He was staring at the map.

“What? What’s wrong?” she asked, looking over his shoulder, “if it’s blocked off, we can find somewhere else, I’m not really fussed— “

“No, not that,” he said, “that.”

He was pointing to a dot that was moving in the direction of the Slytherin dormitories. It read _Edmund Crabbe_.

“Oh,” said Lily softly.

“I’d completely forgotten about him,” James admitted.

“I hadn’t,” said Lily, “I just hoped…”

“Should we follow him?” he asked.

“Well,” she started, “he looks as though he’s headed to his dormitory. He might just go straight to bed.”

“Yeah but what if he goes somewhere else first?”

“By himself?” Lily asked, but just then, another dot appeared outside the Slytherin dormitories, making its way toward Crabbe. _Severus Snape_.

“Let’s move,” said James immediately.

\--

By the time the dots labelled _Severus Snape_ and _Edmund Crabbe_ had converged upon one another, Lily and James were already hiding in position to overhear them. Snape had turned a corner in a dungeon and Crabbe, who had thankfully only just left the hospital wing when they’d spotted him, had such a long way to walk that it was nearly eleven o’clock when he strolled into the dungeon on Snape’s beckoning, arm still in a sling.

“I trust your wand arm is not too injured to practise spells?” Snape asked without preamble when Crabbe entered the dungeon. He had closed the door behind him, but Lily and James were already huddled in a corner inside the room.

 _Protego_ , thought Lily, wand out, and she felt an invisible shield surrounding her and James.

Crabbe pulled his right arm out from the sling and waved it around to demonstrate to Snape that it was in working order.

"Just keeping it in this thing so I don't have to do work," he explained.

"How fortunate we are that the Dark Lord does not care about your academic credentials," drawled Snape, disdain dripping from every syllable.

"Yeah," said Crabbe fervently, clearly not picking up on the sarcasm. Lily was not sure he even realized he was being insulted. 

"I told the others that you were leaving the hospital wing," Snape continued, "they would like to schedule a meeting within the next week."

"When?" Crabbe looked very confused.

"Within the next week," Snape repeated. Lily could tell he was trying not to start grinding his teeth.

"No I mean; how'd you tell them I'd be getting out?" Crabbe asked, "you only just saw me."

"I overheard Madam Pomfrey telling the Headmaster that you would be released at eleven tonight," said Snape in a normal voice. Apparently he felt this was a question worth answering, because the impatience in his voice was gone. 

"The plan,” Snape continued, “is for the two of us to meet in secret prior to the next meeting. Barty was talking about gathering on Thursday, so you and I shall get together on Wednesday night. That way, you will not have time to forget what I have taught you.”

Snape swept out of the room, Crabbe at his heels. Lily looked at James. It was surprising how much more easily they fit under the cloak now that they were together and no longer concerned with personal boundaries. She was practically sitting on top of him, his arms around her. They took up a lot less space that way. It was actually quite nice, she thought, sitting in this empty classroom together behind a shield charm, just waiting to make absolutely sure the coast was clear before exiting the room.

After about twenty minutes, they got up and left silently, still under the cloak. They returned to the common room, which was now empty. James sat heavily on Black's sofa. 

"It's started up again," he said, unnecessarily. 

Lily was a little surprised at him. 

"I thought you'd be excited. You always seemed to really enjoy sneaking about."

"I did," he admitted, "I mean, I suppose I do. You know I wasn't having a good time at all until you got involved, then it was just an excuse to see more of you. Now you've really gotten yourself stuck with me and there are a lot of things I'd rather be doing with you other than hiding under the cloak watching Slytherins hex each other."

"I know," she said, "I feel the same way but...but I also really want to know what their plan is in the long term. You and I will have all the time in the world together once we finish school."

James perked up immediately. 

"You still want to be with me when we finish school then?" he asked. 

"I want to be with you always," she said, confused, "was that not clear?"

Lily had assumed they were on the same page regarding this subject. She sat down next to him. 

"We'll still be together after Hogwarts," she said firmly. 

He opened his mouth. 

"Don't even think about proposing to me right now James," she added, before he could speak. 

He closed his mouth. 

"Do we need to go talk to the Headmaster tonight?" she asked, "or do you think we can do it tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow," said James distractedly, staring at her lips, "you know, we are alone in here..."

Lily felt that the mood had been thoroughly ruined, and her head was swimming with questions about what the DAC would be doing in their next meeting. 

"Goodnight," she said with a smile. She gave him a quick kiss and went up to bed.

\--

On Wednesday evening after dinner, Lily and James left the common room, ostensibly to do patrols, but really to hang round deserted corridors checking the map for any sign of Snape or Crabbe. Eventually one came, around nine o'clock, in the form of both of them headed for the same empty classroom. Lily and James managed to head them off again, and settled under the cloak in a corner.

Snape appeared first carrying what looked to be most of the pillows from the Slytherin dormitories. Lily noticed with some interest that they were covered in silvery satin pillowcases. It had never occurred to her that the other dormitories might look quite different from Gryffindor's, but now that she thought about it, it was unlikely that the Slytherins had the same red curtains hanging around their beds.

Crabbe joined him several minutes later and they set to practicing that Sectumsepra curse Snape had invented on the pillows. Lily was disheartened to see that Crabbe was able to cast it. James gave her a look as though to say "see how much better they've gotten," and Lily nodded numbly in reply, unable to tear her eyes away from the sight of feathers floating around them like rain.

Snape offered no words of encouragement or praise for improvement. He was mostly silent except to occasionally proclaim Crabbe’s work "sloppy," or "weak."

After about thirty minutes, Snape pulled out his own wand. For one wild moment, Lily thought he was about to hex Crabbe, but instead he came up beside him and held the wand out to demonstrate.

"I suspect you are having difficulty due to the position in which you are holding your wand," Snape told him, "wands are precise instruments. Your accuracy and power suffers when you wield yours like a club."

Snape rapped Crabbe's hand smartly with his wand. Crabbe dropped his wand in surprise, Snape caught it, and only released it into Crabbe's hand when he had gripped it in a position to Snape's liking.

"Try it now," said Snape, watching intently.

Crabbe slashed through the air and one of the pillows burst open. Snape glowered and Lily was starting to wonder if they were looking at the same scene. Crabbe seemed to be doing very well--she would not have liked to be hit with the curse he just used.

"Why," Snape demanded, "have you added a jabbing motion in the middle of your slash?"

"It's like a sword, innit?" said Crabbe.

Lily could tell by the expression on Snape's face that the curse was in fact, not like a sword.

"No," he said. His voice was starting to get slower and quieter--a sure omen of danger, "it is nothing like a sword. If you--"

"It'd cut deeper that way," Crabbe interrupted. Big mistake, thought Lily. Snape looked as though he wished nothing more than to put Crabbe right back into the hospital wing.

"Keep your slashes clean and quick," he said, "this spell requires precision and purpose. If you continue to lumber about as you have been doing, you shall find yourself stunned and Azkaban-bound the first time you come into contact with an Auror."

They practiced for a short while longer. It was very hard for Lily to tell how well he was doing, but it didn't seem to be for Snape. He said nothing else until it was time to end, which Lily took to mean that Crabbe was doing better. After he had declared their meeting over and sent Crabbe back to the dormitories, Snape went about repairing all the pillows with his wand, then gathered them into a stack and left the room without looking back.

"Alright then," said James, once he and Lily were safely in Professor Dumbledore's office, sitting across from the Headmaster, "they're still working on that same old cutting curse. Reckon we'll see more of the same tomorrow?"

"I wonder," said Professor Dumbledore, "only because it sounds as though Mr Crouch and Mr Snape are still vying for control of the group. Be on your guard. I shall meet with you again tomorrow."

\--

The next meeting began with everyone seated around the cold marble table as usual, except Crouch, who stood at the head with three jars, each containing a single spider. He looked very pleased with himself. Once all eyes were on him, he held up the first jar dramatically.

"I'm going to show you three spells today," he said evenly, though the glint in his eye was mad and frightening.

"I was under the impression," Snape interrupted silkily, "that we were to continue practising my curse, as no one in this room has been able to cast it to a sufficiently high standard. Including you."

"We're not learning that anymore," said Crouch dismissively, as if this were the end of the discussion. Snape looked murderous, but Crouch paid him no more attention.

Crouch unscrewed the lid on the first jar and pointed his wand at the spider inside. Lily could tell that he had not named the curse he was about to use because it would heighten the dramatic effect.

" _Imperio_ ," he whispered, then raised his wand. The spider lifted itself up onto its hind legs and waved back and forth. He twirled his wand like a ribbon and the spider did a pirouette. Lily watched half-fascinated, half-horrified from under the cloak. There was absolute silence as Crouch put the spider through several more ballet positions before releasing it from his influence and screwing the lid back on the jar.

"The Imperius Curse," he said, rather unnecessarily. Lily doubted very much that anyone in the room was unaware of what he had just done.

"That's illegal," one younger boy whispered.

Crouch just smiled. He had never looked happier or more terrifying than he did right now. Lily held her breath as he opened the second jar. She had a nasty feeling about what was coming next.

" _Crucio_."

Lily squeezed her eyes shut as she heard the spell being cast. She did not want to look, but knew the Headmaster was counting on her and James, so she opened her eyes reluctantly. She wished she hadn't done. The spider was curled in on itself, contorted in agony, thrashing back and forth on its back on the table. Lily looked back up at Crouch's face--he was outright grinning. She could tell that he enjoyed casting this spell more than the previous one. He kept the spider under its influence for a lot longer.

"We get the picture, Barty," drawled Regulus, looking bored. It occurred to Lily that this might not be the first time he had seen the Cruciatus Curse performed.

Crouch returned this spider to its jar. Lily watched as it bumped into the glass sides of the jar, apparently confused and disoriented.

"I'm not going to demonstrate Avada Kedavra today," Crouch announced. Crabbe had the audacity to look thoroughly disappointed.

"Instead, I'm going to show you the curse Bellatrix told us about in Hogsmeade," he said, and Lily suddenly remembered Snape going into the Hog’s Head while she and James were in the Three Broomsticks. She cursed herself for choosing not to follow him.

Crouch muttered an incantation Lily had never heard before, made a slashing motion, and what looked like a streak of purple flame shot out of his wand and hit the spider across the body. It immediately toppled over onto its back, unmistakably dead.

"Is that another killing curse?" asked the same younger boy.

"It sometimes kills," said Crouch, poking at the dead spider with his wand, "but not always. Depends on how good you are."

"Why aren't we learning the real Killing Curse?" asked Regulus. Lily got the impression that he knew Crouch did not know how to cast it correctly and wanted to hear him admit it in front of the group.

"Because I don't fancy being sent to Azkaban if anyone finds us," he retorted.

"And you think they won't commit you if you throw round the Cruciatus Curse?" Regulus sneered at him.

Lily looked back at the spider that Crouch had tortured. It was running in tight circles as though attempting to escape an invisible pursuer. Lily had never felt so sorry for a bug in all her life. She wished Crouch would squash it. Death would be better than this.

"Do you want to learn Bellatrix's curse or not?" Crouch snapped at him.

"Don't get your knickers in a twist," Regulus drawled again, "of course we do."

Lily found her thoughts wandering to the other Black brother. All things considered, he had really come out alright. Compared to Regulus, he was a saint.

The group spent the next hour practicing the Imperius Curse on one another. Lily's knowledge of the Imperius Curse had been limited to what she had learned in NEWT-level Defence Against the Dark Arts--which was to say, that there was such a thing as an Imperius Curse, that it caused people to act against their will, and that casting it would earn a person a one-way ticket to Azkaban. Apparently it was quite difficult to cast though, if this lot were any indication. No one but Crouch and Snape had the slightest bit of success in controlling any of their companions--and even they were only able to get one good action in before their subjects overthrew them. Apparently it was much easier to control a spider than a human.

After the meeting, Snape left with everybody else. Lily wondered for a brief moment if he still carried around the photograph of the two of them, but she didn't have much time to think about it before James started to stand up. She followed him and they walked silently together to Professor Dumbledore's office.

"They're learning illegal curses now," James burst out at the Headmaster as soon as he had shut the door behind him to the office. He immediately reiterated all they had seen and heard without pausing for a reply. It amazed Lily how he remembered the conversations they had heard word-for-word.

If this surprised Professor Dumbledore at all, it did not show in his face as he listened to James.

"...and next week they're probably going to practice the Imperius Curse again because they were such rubbish at it. No word on when they'll move on to the Cruciatus Curse. What shall we do?" James asked, as though the Headmaster was an army commander who James hoped would order him into battle.

Professor Dumbledore said nothing for a very long time.

"Aren't we going to do something?" James prompted, "Like, are you going to arrest them?"

"I would like you to think about what would happen if we took that path, Mr Potter," said Professor Dumbledore at last, looking at James over his spectacles.

Lily answered instead because she suddenly realized why that wouldn't work.

"They'd be sent away," she said quietly, "and more would be recruited in their place, more secretive this time around, because they'd know they were being watched. We wouldn't have the advantage of spies anymore."

Professor Dumbledore nodded once at her. James looked as though he disagreed with this plan, but seemed to think better of contradicting the Headmaster.

It took Lily a long time to fall asleep that night. She lay awake tossing and turning, unable to rid herself of the image of that tortured spider running circles at the bottom of its jar.


	15. Restricted Reconnaissance

Possibly the most difficult thing about these excursions with James was the way that normal life within the school continued to trudge forward despite them. She woke up the morning after witnessing the Cruciatus Curse for the first time to Alice asking a lot of questions about their Defence Against the Dark Arts homework.

"What did you answer for question ten?" she asked while they were getting dressed.

"Er..." said Lily, completely at a loss. She had done the assignment, but couldn't for the life of her remember what it was about.

"That was the one about vampires..." Alice started, but Lily was already tuning her out.

"Give it a rest, Alice," Marlene interjected, "she was out late with Potter last night."

Lily flushed but did not correct her assumption. It was very easy to pretend that she had spent the whole evening alone with James in a broom cupboard somewhere. She wished very much that this had been the case in actuality, and started imagining the fun conversation she could be having with Alice about what a fantastic kisser he was. Instead she felt traumatized and worried about what was coming next. She straightened her tie and headed out to breakfast.

James was waiting in the common room so that they could walk to the Great Hall together.

"You don't look like you slept well," he murmured in her ear as they walked down the stairs. He had one arm around her shoulders.

"I didn't," she admitted in an undertone, "I was thinking about that spider..."

"The dead one?" he asked, confused.

"No, the one that got tortured...it was acting so strangely afterwards. I just want to know if it's ever going to be normal ag--Hi Frank!" she suddenly blurted as Frank Longbottom came bounding up to her.

"Morning Lily," he said brightly, "I had a question about patrols, do you have a moment?"

"Yes, of course," she answered quickly, trying hard to put the spider out of her mind as she looked over Frank's patrol schedule. He had apparently been worried that Lily was taking on too much responsibility and offered to do a couple of the patrol slots she had scheduled for herself and James.

"That'd be great," James interjected. He had been listening in over her shoulder. "I could really use the extra time for Quidditch practice."

"Oh in that case," said Frank, with a smile, "maybe I ought to let you suffer. Improve Hufflepuff's chances."

James laughed and Lily managed a smile. Frank then spotted Alice walking down the staircase and went to kiss her good morning. Lily and James continued onward towards breakfast.

"We’ll talk about the spider later," James continued quietly, "probably breakfast isn't a good time."

"I know," Lily agreed, "I'll just try not to think about it."

James kissed her gently on the forehead and started talking about Quidditch. The more he talked, the more enthusiastic he became, and soon Lily found herself really listening to him as he gesticulated wildly, describing plays he hoped to execute in detail. She asked questions and he answered them as they took their seats at the breakfast table next to the Marauders and Marlene.

"...so if I take it all the way down the pitch and then..."

"You know," Lily interrupted him, "have you ever considered passing the Quaffle to either of the other Chasers? A lot of the plays you're telling me about would involve other people."

James looked gob smacked. Then he smirked.

"I do just fine, thanks," he said, "besides, aren't I the one teaching you about Quidditch? You've never even played."

"But I have," Marlene said thickly, through a mouthful of potatoes. She swallowed, then added, "and I'm your Captain, and I've told you the same thing every practice and every game for years, and you never listen to me."

“Well, maybe if the others were as good as— “

“They are,” said Marlene firmly, “but you wouldn’t know seeing as how you’ve never bothered to pass to anybody.”

James stared at her like he'd never seen her before, then looked back at Lily, who smiled patiently at him. Then he whirled around to Remus, who had been sitting quietly next to him, listening to the conversation.

“Well?” James demanded of him.

Remus looked him right in the eye, brows raised. James looked back at his plate.  
"I'll take that into consideration," he said delicately, then ate his eggs in silence.

\--

As February passed into March, Black's prediction came true: Slytherin absolutely pummelled Ravenclaw and the process of training for the match that would decide who would face Hufflepuff for the Cup began in earnest. Lily was now seeing less of James than she had in a month--he had turned into a scarlet blur clutching a broomstick leaving the portrait of the Fat Lady swinging behind him--and she found she missed his presence terribly. She was also oddly longing for the next DAC meeting, but only because it afforded her several hours of physical contact with James.

March also brought along with it the prospect of James's eighteenth birthday, for which he was immensely excited—as he told her through a mouthful of sausage one Saturday morning over breakfast. He hadn't even bothered with regular clothes that day and his Quidditch robes were still spattered with mud from last night. He promised he'd be available for her on his birthday, gave her a distinctly meaty-tasting kiss, and dashed out of the Great Hall after Marlene, broomstick under one arm and a stack of toast in the other hand.

"Well," she said, turning to Alice, "what should I do today?"

Alice looked at her apologetically. "I can't join you, I'm..."

"...with Frank, I know," Lily said quickly, "I wasn't meaning to guilt you, just looking for ideas."

"Don't suppose you're interested in having a go at my Potions essay?" Alice asked. 

"Oh yes," said Lily, eager for something to take her mind off being James-less, "I'd be happy to, where is it?"

"On my bed, thanks a bunch," said Alice, wiping her mouth and standing up to greet Frank, who had just appeared at her side, having finished his breakfast.

Alice's essay needed very few corrections, unfortunately, leaving Lily with a full day's worth of time to fill. She considered asking Remus if he wanted to go over notes with her or take a walk, but realized that he would probably agree to it, leaving Black alone with Peter. She felt that her standing with Black was on tenterhooks as it was and, keen to stay in the good graces of James's best mate, decided to leave well enough alone. 

Feeling that she might have better luck being entertained with books she had not already read, Lily made her way to the library and pulled out a well-worn card granting her unlimited access to the Restricted Section. Professor McGonagall had given her this card in the middle of her fifth year, but Madam Pince still eyed it suspiciously as ever, as though she had never seen it before and suspected Lily of stealing it.

Browsing rows of complicated Potions books and tomes filled with scary, forgotten spells, Lily heard Snape's silky voice muttering from a couple rows over. She gripped the binding of _Moste Potente Potions_ more tightly, and had just decided to ignore him when Regulus's usual bored drawl cut him off. 

"...and what makes you think that?"

Lily inched closer, stepping around shelves until she was just out of their eyesight.

"...Bellatrix would not have chosen Barty if I..."

"My cousin knows what she's doing," Regulus interrupted again. She could almost see him tossing his hair back in exactly the same way his brother did. So similar, and yet...

"I'm not sure she does," said Snape through clenched teeth.

There was a pause. Lily's heart was beating wildly.

Without warning, the binding on _Moste Potente Potions_ separated from the pages, which flipped loudly onto the floor at her feet. 

Making the split-second decision that attempting to stay hidden would seem more suspicious than revealing herself, Lily stepped into their line of vision and pretended not to have noticed them as she picked up the pages and reattached them to the spine with a spell. 

Regulus wrinkled his nose. 

"Do you smell that, Severus?"

Snape chose not to answer. He was determinedly looking anywhere but at Lily. Regulus pressed onward.

"Essence of Mudblood. Why I almost feel sorry for Sirius, having to be around the stench all day. Bet it's dreadful in their common room."

Lily didn't care at all about the insults. She was fairly certain that Regulus hadn't noticed her eavesdropping, but was less sure about Snape. He seemed to have decided to pretend she wasn't there at all, but also appeared unable to speak or move.

"Let's get out of here before I vomit," said Regulus, who turned on his heel and sauntered past her out of the library. Snape carefully walked the long way around a bookshelf so that he would not have to pass her as well.

Madam Pince came at her glowering not a second later and snatched the repaired copy of _Moste Potente Potions_ out of Lily's hands. Unable to find anything wrong with it, she shoved it back to her. Lily wanted nothing better than to run to the Quidditch pitch, flag down James and tell him what she had overheard, but apart from that looking very ridiculous, she wasn't even sure if what she had heard had been of any importance at all. It sounded to her like Snape was still trying, and failing, to wrest the group from Crouch's control.

She thumbed through _Moste Potente Potions_ absently, not really looking at anything but conscious that Madam Pince was still watching her beadily. She wished that she had the Invisibility Cloak so she could have followed Snape and Regulus to see what they were up to, but knew that it was safely tucked into James's bag in the changing rooms. Pretending to decide that she hadn't found what she was looking for in the book, she shelved it and left the library, thinking hard.

Without even paying attention to where she was going, Lily found herself climbing the benches of the Quidditch pitch. Apparently the back of her mind wanted to watch James practise. He hadn't noticed her yet, and she enjoyed a few minutes of staring at him as he dodged Bludgers--simultaneously graceful and ferocious--easily throwing the Quaffle again and again through an undefended goalpost (the Keeper was running separate drills on the other side of the field.)

Eventually he spotted her, hanging upside-down from his broomstick after a Bludger had nearly removed his head and she had gasped loudly enough for him to hear. He grinned foolishly and waved at her, holding onto his broomstick with just the other hand.

"Lily, did you see that?" he bellowed pointlessly.

She nodded and gave him a thumbs up. He let go with the other hand, now holding on with only his thighs, just to show her he could, and blew her a noisy kiss with both hands. Another Bludger came hurtling from the back and narrowly missed his head again, just grazing the hair that was hanging down in the air.

"Pay attention, Potter!" Marlene shouted at him from across the pitch, "I need your arse in top form for this game."

Then she turned to Lily and yelled, "Clear out Lily. He can't resist showing off for you and I need him to focus."

Glumly, Lily headed back down the benches and made her way up to the castle. It'd be lunch soon, and then James would come to eat. Maybe she could talk to him then.

But he didn't come to lunch. Marlene had sent a first-year boy to collect snacks for the team, perhaps thinking James would spot Lily at lunch and not return to practice for the rest of the day. The boy piled a platter larger than he was high with everything that would fit from the tables. Lily watched him moodily as he carried it precariously through the doors at the end of the Great Hall.

It struck her that this must be a lot like how Black felt, watching James doing things without him. The primary difference was that James had told her bluntly that there was absolutely nothing he loved more than her company, and he proved this often by trying to sneak her into cupboards, empty classrooms and behind tapestries at every available opportunity. She was pretty sure he had not given any such reassurance to Black.

As far as Lily could tell, the Marauders were dealing with their relationship problems by ignoring them. Black had switched tactics for James since his stirring speech after their Quidditch loss--instead of brooding and hoping James would notice that something was wrong (he hadn't,) Black was now following James around like an exceptionally loyal dog--which, now that she thought about it, explained a lot. She wasn't sure what Black was hoping to accomplish, but whatever it was, she could tell he wasn't succeeding. Far from being annoyed, James seemed not to have noticed the excessive clinginess at all and followed up almost everything Black suggested with a half-hearted "maybe later." Lily was unsure how long Black was going to be able to keep this up, but she had a feeling he would revert back to acting miserable before long.

Lily spent the rest of the afternoon re-reading the _Encyclopaedia of Healing_ in the common room. It was very quiet—the Marauders had gone to watch James practise after lunch at Black’s insistence, and she could imagine them sitting by the side-lines shouting at him while he did barrel rolls in the air for their amusement. She was still bored and lonely, but with any luck Alice would come up before dinner and they could talk about her Potions essay.

Unfortunately, Alice did not appear. Lily was starting to become increasingly concerned that this was what her Saturdays were always going to look like until after the Quidditch Cup. She walked slowly down to dinner, bringing her book, without noticing how dark it was growing outside. She did notice, however, that the whole Gryffindor Quidditch team was sitting at the dinner table waiting anxiously for the food to appear.

“You’re back!” she cried happily, not intending to sound as delighted as she did.

“Miss me?” said James, his head popping out from behind Marlene and one of the Beaters.

“I did, actually,” she told him, “And could I sit here?”

Marlene scooted over to make room for her. James put his arm around her and snuggled her close on the bench. He smelled like sweat, grass and mud, and his hair was messier and more windswept-looking than he could have ever made it by running his fingers through it. He grinned at her crookedly and she felt the swooping sensation in the pit of her stomach that was becoming a fairly common occurrence. Suddenly she desperately wished that they were in a deserted classroom and not at a crowded table.

“Food!” James exclaimed, and he was right—dishes had materialised onto the tables and before she could blink he was grabbing handfuls of everything he could reach and eating without bothering to fill his plate. Lily helped herself, a little more elegantly than James had, to some spare ribs.

The Marauders came in shortly after dinner had started.

“Sorry we’re late,” said Black, taking a seat across from Lily because the one opposite James was occupied by one of the other Quidditch team members, “had to stop off at the lake.”

What they had to do with the lake, Lily did not know, nor did she want to know. James nodded but did not say anything—his mouth was full.

After dinner, everyone made their way back up to the common room and Lily finally realised that she might be able to sneak away with James to tell him what she’d heard.

“James,” she said, fluttering her eyelashes very obviously, “do you want to maybe go up to your dormitory?”

Remus immediately hid his face behind the book he had been reading, but she could see the top of his forehead looking very pink. Black rolled his eyes. Peter looked like he did not know what to think.

“Yeah, definitely,” said James with great enthusiasm, though he looked at her shrewdly and she was pretty sure he knew that she needed to talk to him about something in secret.

“Don’t even think of touching my bed,” Black called after them as James ushered her through the door to his dormitory.

“No promises!” he yelled back, shutting the door behind him.

James cast a silencing charm, then turned to face her and she could tell that part of him was hoping that she had brought him up here for the reason everyone assumed, but then she sat cross-legged on James’s bed.

“I ran into Snape and Regulus in the library,” she told him.

James sighed and nodded.

“What were they talking about?”

“I’m not exactly sure. What I heard was—I…”

But James, who assured her in a muffled sort of voice that he was still listening, had pulled his Quidditch robes and t-shirt over his head in one fluid motion and tossed them aside onto Remus’s bed.

“I…”

“Yeah?” he asked, arms crossed, smiling.

Lily looked down at the floor, face burning.

“That’s very distracting,” she said to the carpet.

“Is it?”

She chanced a look up at James, who was grinning at her again—looking every bit as handsome as he had at dinner, and much less clothed. She looked away again. He chuckled, then she heard him beginning to unbuckle his trousers.

“Snape and Regulus,” she continued loudly, trying to remind herself what she was supposed to be talking about, “I saw them in the library, and they were saying…er…”

She looked up at him again. To both her great disappointment and relief he was pulling a pair of faded pyjamas out of his trunk and had already begun to step into the bottoms.

“Were they talking about the DAC in the library?” James asked her, tying the drawstring at his waist.

“Yes,” she said, trying to get her train of thought headed in the direction of the right station. She was fighting a sudden mad urge to pull James onto his bed with her so that he would not get a chance to cover up his lovely chest. She took a deep breath, then told him her story with her eyes closed so that she would not be thrown off again by looking at him.

James finished dressing and sat next to her on the bed.

“I’m kind of surprised, actually,” he said, “that they were just throwing this around in the library. They’ve usually been a bit more hush hush about all this. Wonder where the conversation was headed.”

“Well, we don’t really know for sure,” she said bitterly.

“That’s rotten luck about the book,” James told her sympathetically, placing a hand on her knee.

She leaned into him, dropping her head on his shoulder.

“You wouldn’t have messed that up,” she said miserably.

“What?” he asked, incredulously, “I’ve messed up loads of times, you just weren’t there. How do you think I’ve gotten so many detentions?”

‘I mean when it’s important,” she pressed, determined to be critical of herself, “if you’d been there…”

“If I’d been there we wouldn’t have heard them in the first place because I’m definitely not allowed in the Restricted Section,” he told her firmly, “You did fine. Like I said before, it was just bad luck.”

“I’m rubbish at— “

“Stop it,” said James, more firmly than he’d ever spoken to her before, “knock that off right now.”

She was so startled that she picked her head up off his shoulder and stared at him.

“I’m not going to listen to you beat yourself up about that anymore. It happened, and you’re not the only person this has happened to in the past. You dwelling on it isn’t going to help anybody.”

He was right, of course, and she knew it.

“Sorry,” she told him softly.

“Stop being sorry,” he said, and there wasn’t a trace of anger in his voice, just a determination to push through the problem. He pulled her closer to him, arm around her waist.

“I’ll let you know if I see them together on the map again,” he said, lacing his fingers with hers.

She nodded against his shoulder.

“Good,” he said, “we should probably get back down there unless you really are up for some snogging?” Lily could tell it was meant to be a joke, but it was one of those jokes that was only a joke if the other person said no.

“Not in here,” she told him, wrinkling her nose against the foul odour and rubbish all over the room, “never in here, actually.”

“I was kidding,” he said quickly, confirming her suspicion. He jumped off the bed and led her back out of the dormitory and into the common room. She spotted Alice by one of the tables and bounded over to sit next to her. Alice’s eyebrows were raised.

“What were you doing in there?” she asked, glancing up at the boys’ dormitories.

“Talking,” she said, honestly.

“Oh,” said Alice, leaning back in her chair, “alright then.”

“You believe me?”

“Of course. Why wouldn’t I?”

“It just looks suspicious, I know. I probably wouldn’t believe you.”

“You’d be right not to believe me though,” Alice pointed out, “Anyway, I can just tell.”

Lily looked over at James, who was deep in conversation with Black over by the fire. Black was showing him something but trying to shield it from everyone else’s view. She was certain she did not want to know what it was—definitely something James was supposed to be confiscating, but she decided to pretend she hadn’t seen and instead turned the topic of conversation with Alice to James’s birthday present.

“He doesn’t strike me as being particularly difficult to shop for,” Alice said, watching James enthusiastically cram handfuls of Fudge Flies into his mouth.

“He’s not,” Lily confirmed, “but that’s not the problem.”

The problem was that James could and did buy himself everything he wanted—the moment something caught his eye, his money bag was out and he was tossing coins at the register with abandon. Lily was absolutely certain there was nothing whatsoever that he wanted that she could buy him and he didn’t already own.

“Sweets?” Alice suggested.

“He doesn’t think sweets are a gift,” Lily said, remembering their conversation on her birthday.

“Hmm. Perhaps you could make him something?”

This was such an excellent suggestion that Lily felt foolish for not having considered it herself. She thanked Alice profusely and spent the rest of the evening drafting ideas for something she could create for him. Lily was rather gifted at coming up with bits of meaningful and clever magic—she’d once given Professor Slughorn a lily petal that transformed into a fish and he loved it so much she was willing to bet he’d be telling future generations of Hogwarts students about it.

Lily spent the following week mulling over her plans, but the winning idea cropped up in the middle of Defence Against the Dark Arts one day quite unexpectedly. She and James had each cast a Patronus and she watched, a little embarrassed, as the doe and stag pranced together and nuzzled one another before they disappeared. Several people sniggered, but she ignored them as a thought entered her mind. They sat at their desks again.

“What are you smiling about?” James asked her quizzically.

“Nothing,” she said quickly, trying to arrange her features into an impassive expression.

James looked sceptical, but shrugged and turned to Black, who was attempting to rope him into joining his game of lobbing wadded-up bits of parchment into the hair of surrounding people. James shook his head and contented himself with doodling in the margins of his notebook. Lily thought she caught a glimpse of that blank look that would cross Black’s face whenever James disappointed him, but it was so fleeting that she wasn’t even sure she’d seen it.


	16. Discordant Dynamics

The second-to-last week of March was to be an eventful one. The next DAC meeting was on Wednesday, Thursday was James's birthday, and Saturday Gryffindor would face Slytherin to decide which house would play Hufflepuff for the Cup.

The following few Saturdays had been a bit less torturous for Lily because she worked through most of them on James's birthday present. With Professor Flitwick's enthusiastic help, Lily set off in search of materials for the item she intended to craft. She got an old crystal ball from the Divination teacher, who assured her he hadn’t seen anything in that ball in years (privately Lily was fairly certain that this was true of all crystal balls, but she kept that to herself and thanked him nonetheless) and collected other things from the Potions ingredients closet and even a few small items from Hagrid. She kept all these things hidden in the Charms classroom when she wasn’t working on them.

James had managed to wriggle out of Quidditch practice on Wednesday by telling Marlene he had to serve detention. He and Black had played one of their jokes--Lily hadn't been present for it, but James gave her a highly detailed account of a charm that froze the grass down by the lake and caused people to slip in as they walked by. In truth he had gotten a stern talking-to from Professor McGonagall, but no punishment. James had been primarily a bystander—he admitted to Lily that Black had planted the prank entirely by himself and only recruited James for watching it. Despite the fact that Marlene was cross with him for having to miss a whole evening of practice to serve this "detention," she allowed him to also take off one hour on Thursday for his birthday. Lily had been sure to shower her with thanks for this uncharacteristic generosity.

"I'm doing it for you," Marlene told them both over dinner, jabbing her fork in Lily's direction, then turning to James. "I'm going to run your arse into the ground on Friday to make up for it."

James grinned at her goofily as if nothing would make him happier than having his arse run into the ground as long as it meant he got an extra hour with Lily.

Wednesday evening came round, and Lily made a big show of acting irritated with James for making her do patrols alone while he was off in detention. Black, who at first acted bewildered about why James had detention without him, watched him leave with a suspicious glare.

The meeting was similar to the last one--everybody practicing and failing miserably at the Imperius Curse. Snape and Crouch were the only ones showing any signs of improvement--Snape was able to make one girl do a somersault, but as Crouch pointed out loudly, she seemed very stiff and unnatural-looking, and anybody who saw her in public would know instantly that she was being Imperiused.

"The Imperius Curse is, in many ways, the most powerful of all," Snape explained to the group, speaking over Crouch "Done correctly, you could make anybody to do anything and no one would be the wiser. You could make a husband kill his own wife, and he'd spend the rest of his life in Azkaban while you remain free."

Lily felt James's arms tighten around her. The idea of people being controlled and forced to act against their will didn't bother her nearly as much as the way Snape was talking about it. His tone made her stomach churn. James seemed to be more upset by Snape’s words than by the sound of his voice—it was clear to Lily that he had never imagined the Imperius Curse being used for such a purpose. He did not relinquish his secure grip around her for the rest of the meeting, and was uncharacteristically quiet afterwards.

"I wish McKinnon was giving me more than an hour tomorrow with you," he muttered as they pushed open the door to Professor Dumbledore's office. It was the first time he had opened his mouth since they left the meeting.

Since James didn't appear to be in any hurry to start talking, Lily explained what they had seen today at the meeting. Professor Dumbledore thanked her for the information, then turned to James.

"What is troubling you?" he asked kindly.

James just looked at the floor. Lily decided that voicing his fear might be the best course of action.

"James," she said, taking his hand in hers, "do you really think that someone is going to force you to attack me?"

"They could," he mumbled.

"No they couldn't," she said confidently--for she was very certain it was true, "Haven't you noticed that they're practicing it on the younger students and not each other? That's because the more obstinate and stubborn you are, the harder you are to control."

There was a pause, then James looked up and flashed her a grin.

"McKinnon's safe then," he said, and she laughed. Even Professor Dumbledore smiled, though he was watching them carefully.

The brief smirk that had flitted across James's face was clouded by a scowl almost instantly.

"I just want to do something," he exploded suddenly, "Can't we--"

Professor Dumbledore interrupted him. He did not look angry, but his voice was as stern as Lily had ever heard it be.

"We have discussed this Mr Potter," he said, "Please do not give me a reason to regret trusting you."

James looked very surly and stared into his lap.

"James?" Professor Dumbledore prompted, "Your word?"

James did not look up. "My word," he mumbled reluctantly.

\--

As soon as they had left the Headmaster's office, Lily asked James what his conversation with Professor Dumbledore had meant.

"You remember when I met with him on my own at the beginning of the term?"

Lily nodded.

"He told me, you know, he wanted me to sneak around for him and everything, but he made me promise I'd do as he said, no matter what."

"I can see why," Lily told him, smiling. He didn't smile back.

"I wish I hadn't done," he muttered angrily, kicking at the stone floor as he walked.

\--

Lily wished James a happy birthday at breakfast, lunch and dinner on Thursday.

"Careful. If you say it again, I might actually age up a whole ‘nother year," he told her, grinning. His unhappiness from the previous night seemed to have worn off, and he was especially delighted when treacle tart appeared on the table for dessert at dinner. He sat up straight and pulled one entire tart toward him. Before he could dig into it, Lily placed a candle in the middle and lit it with her wand. He made to blow it out.

“Make a wish first,” she told him, “Muggle tradition.”

James pursed his lips and looked at her hard, then blew the candle out without taking his eyes from her.

“I wished— “

“Don’t tell me what it was!” she cried, “it won’t come true.”

“That’s ridiculous. It’s a question and my wish can’t come true unless I ask you first.”

Lily had a pretty good idea of what it was, but she shook her head and grinned at him.

“Don’t ask me now. I don’t want to say no to you on your birthday, but I will if you make me.”

He sighed dramatically and rolled his eyes.

“Fine,” he said, looking falsely wounded, then sniffed loudly and started devouring his tart.

After he had finished his dinner, the hour in which he was allowed to skive off Quidditch practice began. Marlene and the rest of the team went back to the pitch, and she pointed at her watch as she left and shouted back at James, “I better see you at at 8:14, absolutely no later.”

“So where are we going?” he asked Lily as soon as he had swallowed his last bite.

“Astronomy tower,” she told him promptly.

His hazel eyes grew wide and he grinned broadly.

“Really?” he said eagerly.

“Yes, really, I want to give you your present up there.”

“Well I wish you better luck than I had,” he said, getting up from the table and offering her his hand.

They walked quickly, keenly aware of their time limitations. James shouted up the stairs for anyone there to clear out for the Head Boy and they heard the same familiar scrambling noise that she remembered from her birthday.

The moment they were seated across from one another on top of the tower, James made to kiss her but she dodged him.

“Here,” she told him, handing him her boxed present. It was neatly wrapped with red paper covered in zooming Quidditch balls and tied with shimmering gold ribbon.

“Did you wrap this?” he asked, looking impressed.

She nodded.

“Well, when we’re married and we send gifts to friends and family I’m making you wrap everything,” he told her, untying the bow and ripping open the paper.

He lifted the lid on the box and stared curiously at the object inside.

“It’s an old crystal ball?” he asked, looking confused.

“Shake it,” she instructed.

He did. Immediately the swirling innards of the ball began to reveal a scene, grass and miniature flowers sprung up at the bottom, and through the middle was—

“Wow,” breathed James. She wasn’t looking at the scene, she was watching his face, but she knew what had happened. A silvery stag and doe had appeared inside the ball and were walking side by side through the flowers.

“Where did you get this?” he marvelled, “It’s…”

“I made it,” she told him proudly, shaking her hair back from her shoulders.

“That’s…brilliant,” he said, still almost gasping with amazement.

“It changes too,” she said, unable to stop herself, “in the winter it’ll snow in there, in the autumn you’ll see leaves changing colour and…”

Lily didn’t get to finish because he leaned across the ball and was kissing her before she could say anything else.

“You’re a wonder,” he murmured in her ear. She closed her eyes and went to kiss him again, but he had pulled back and was shaking the ball to make the deer appear again.

“But seriously,” he asked, forgetting about the romantic moment they had been having, “how did you do it? Are those real Patronuses in there? How’d you make them permanent?”

Lily explained to him how she and Professor Flitwick had charmed the ball to make the silvery animals appear. James had questions about every aspect of the gift—where did the flowers come from? Where’d she get the crystal ball? How long would it last? —and they squandered most of their hour with her explanations.

When he finally put the ball back into the box and made to kiss her again, she leaned back and tapped regretfully at her watch. His face fell, and he let out a frustrated sort of huff.

“Straightaway after the match,” he told her, looking very serious, “I’m bringing you up here again and we’re going to— “

“Come on,” she laughed, “I’ll walk with you down to the pitch.”

She left James regretfully with his teammates. On the way back down the stands, she ran into Regulus and Crouch. They were hiding behind a bench, sharing a pair of binoculars.

“You could’ve chosen a more romantic location,” she said loudly. They both jumped away from each other and stared at her, looking revolted.

“We weren’t—” Regulus began, but Crouch elbowed him. He stared daggers at Lily.

“The Astronomy tower, perhaps? There’s nobody up there right now,” she told them helpfully, fighting to keep a straight face.

Regulus called her a rude name and she dropped her smirk.  
“Ten points from Slytherin for spying—each,” she started, “and ten more for swearing. I’ll make sure to let Professor Slughorn know that I found the two of you snuggled up out here together past curfew. I’m sure he’ll want to offer his congratulations.”

Regulus looked as though he wanted very much to say something back to her, but Crouch trod on his foot so he just contented himself with looking murderous. Neither of them made to move so Lily gave an exaggerated “after you” gesture, and the pair of them sulked out back toward the castle, being careful to keep a good distance from her as they walked so that she would not hear them whispering to one another. She could still overhear bits and pieces of their conversation, mostly furious affirmations to one another that she was barking and they would never be caught cuddling together. Every once in a while, one of them would throw in a comment about how ugly the other was—although in Crouch’s case he seemed to be having trouble coming up with features of Regulus’s to insult. Lily listened to this amusing banter for some time, before it gave way to an argument about why they were out there in the first place.

“I don’t give a toss about Quidditch,” Crouch muttered through clenched teeth.

“That’s your problem then,” spat Regulus, “the rest of the world does and I— “

“We have more important things to worry about than sodding Quidditch,” Crouch interrupted.

“Right, right,” said Regulus sarcastically, “and I have to hear about it from both ends—between you and Snape and your lovers quarrel, and those damn useless meetings— “

“Shut up,” Crouch hissed, “what if she hears you?”

Lily pretended to be very interested in something she had spotted near Hagrid’s cabin so that they would not suspect her of listening in. Regulus continued as though Crouch had not interrupted;

“—I have no time for anything I like to do. You didn’t have to follow me out here either—I wanted to do reconnaissance on my own and you came trailing along after me like a lost dog, whining about Snape and Bellatrix and what’s-his-face with all the Ministry friends and who cares what else— “

“Shut it,” said Crouch, not whispering this time. Regulus appeared to be on a roll though, and he went on louder than ever.

“And I don’t doubt this is why you don’t have any real friends, you can’t even have a normal conversation, you haven’t got any hobbies or interests—you’re just on about this and that with the Dar— “

“I’m leaving,” Crouch announced at the top of his voice, and stomped away from Regulus.

“Good!” Regulus called after him, “That’s all I wanted in the first place. Some sodding peace and quiet away from you lot.”

Lily was fighting the urge to laugh more than ever. Unforgivable Curses aside, she had never seen such a disjointed and unhappy troupe of people in all her days. She imagined this was the trouble with getting an entire group of Slytherins to work together on something—everybody tries to form secret alliances to benefit themselves, with the result that no one trusts anyone else and the backstabbing undermines whatever they were attempting to do. Lily had to admit though, a group of all Gryffindors might not fare much better—she imagined a party of people, all with an unshakable faith in their own rightness—speaking over one another and each declaring that their plan was the best one.

She mulled this over until she got back to the castle, watching Regulus and Crouch avoiding one another whilst they headed toward the same destination of the Slytherin dormitories.

\--

“Crouch and Regulus had quite the row,” she told James quietly the next morning over breakfast.

“How unfortunate,” he said, drowning his pancakes in syrup, “what about?”

She told him as much as she could remember of the conversation through her giggles. James latched onto the one detail she had missed that could’ve contained something important.

“Who is ‘what’s-his-face with all the Ministry friends?’” he asked thoughtfully, mopping up syrup with his bite of pancake until it fell off of his fork.

“I don’t know,” she said, “nobody’s ever mentioned the Ministry before, have they?”

James shook his head.

\--

Lily hoped very much that Regulus’s row with Crouch would throw him off enough that he would perform poorly in his match against Gryffindor on Saturday. He looked impassive and unshaken as he stepped out onto the pitch though, to her disappointment, and he began the match with a lazy loop around the stands, dark hair whipping behind him as he flew. Determined not to make the same mistake of forgetting about the Seekers while watching James, she kept her binoculars on Marlene. Even from this distance she could see Marlene’s jaw set and she felt that they might win the match out of the sheer force of Marlene’s will.

She looked for James, making a mental note to check back in with the Seekers every minute or so, but felt her stomach turn as she caught sight of what was going on with him.

It appeared that the new Slytherin team strategy was for everybody on the team to thwart James at every turn—and it was working. All three Chasers tailed him, the Beaters hitting both Bludgers toward him at every opportunity, and the Keeper kept his eyes narrowed, focusing on James’s every move. James was very talented, but he could not fight off five people and two Bludgers by himself, and Slytherin took an enormous lead within minutes.

Lily hoped very much that Marlene was not watching what was going on with the rest of the game. She was the captain after all, so there was a good chance she was paying attention, but Lily could not tell by her expression, which remained focused as ever, eyes narrowed for any sight of the Snitch.

The score was 20-160 in Slytherin’s favour—James had managed to sneak two goals past their Keeper, but all the players trailing him prevented him from scoring almost every time he attempted. His face was as red as his robes and Lily could almost feel the waves of fury and frustration emanating off of him. They had found his number—if he wasn’t going to pass the ball, then he would cost Gryffindor the match.

Lily turned her binoculars toward Marlene just in time to see her flying neck-and-neck with Regulus. By chance they had both spotted the Snitch at the same time, and Lily’s heart sank—Regulus had the faster broomstick. He attempted to weave into her to throw her off-course, but she simply slammed into him with the force of a missile and continued forward, sending him spinning off in a different direction and within seconds, her hand closed around the Snitch.

The crowd cheered, but one look at Marlene’s face told Lily that James was not going to be in for the party of his life tonight. Marlene turned to him furiously and began shouting as they dismounted—hollering over the waves of people who had come to congratulate her and the rest of the team. James shouted back, ignoring everybody else, and made his way as quickly as possible toward the changing rooms, arms tucked over his head to avoid the jostling crowd.

Lily left the stadium and walked along the edge to wait outside the changing rooms for James. She could hear the shower running for a very long time, long after the rest of the team had come out rubbing towels over their wet hair—eager to get back to the common room for a celebration.

James finally emerged looking incredibly sour. He spotted her and wordlessly gestured for her to follow him.

“You won,” she said, “congratulations.”

He grunted in response and did not look at her.

“I hope you’re not expecting any sympathy from me,” she told him candidly, “I agree with Marlene.”

“I know you do,” he muttered angrily under his breath.

“Be cross with me all you like,” she said, shrugging, “it won’t do you any good. If you still refuse to pass the ball in the next match, we might as well hand Hufflepuff the Cup right now.”

He glared at her. She glared right back.

“I still love you,” she told him firmly, not softening her gaze, “but I think you’re a rubbish team player.

James did not speak to her all the way back up the castle, but she could see the cogs working in his brain and knew that she had gotten through to him at long last.

\--

They reached the common room and the first thing James did was scan the room for Marlene, spotting her talking casually to Black and Remus in a corner. He wormed his way over to her, Lily followed.

“May I have a word?” he asked Marlene.

She looked at him stormily but allowed him to lead her away to a quiet corner to talk, leaving Lily in her place with Black and Remus.

“Good game,” said Remus, beaming. Black was watching James out of the corner of his eye.

“What’s he want with McKinnon?” he said in a strangely jealous sort of voice. Lily couldn’t tell whether he was jealous that another boy was talking to Marlene, or that James had addressed himself exclusively to her without acknowledging Black first.

“I expect he’s going to apologise,” Lily told him.

“For what?” said Black.

“For what?” Remus repeated, looking at Black incredulously, “Were you watching the same game I was? He doesn’t listen to her in practice and they almost lost today because of it.”

Black shrugged. He eyed James and Marlene. Lily watched them too. Marlene didn’t appear to be getting any less angry, but James was undoubtedly apologising. His expression softened more with every passing second and Lily marvelled at how quickly James moved between emotions. He smiled sheepishly. Marlene hit him hard on the arm and stomped back to where Lily was standing with Black and Remus.

Lily wasn’t sure she would have classified that as a good end to the conversation, but James seemed happy enough. He made his way over to them too, massaging his bicep, and pulled Lily into an armchair with him. She wrapped her arms around him and settled comfortably against his shoulder.

“Thanks,” he said quietly in her ear. She smiled into his clavicle, knowing that when they faced Hufflepuff at the end of April, Gryffindor would be a force to be reckoned with.


	17. The Midnight Mission

Lily got a rude awakening on the first of April, when Professor McGonagall announced in Transfiguration that their examinations schedule would be posted in the following couple of weeks and Lily remembered about NEWTs. She had been studying and keeping her marks up as usual, but the official reminder that NEWTs were approaching hit her like a bucket of cold water in the face. She set up a rigorous study schedule for herself, which Alice copied and adhered to with her. It was just as well—Marlene didn’t let up with the Quidditch practising and even James brought up to her that he could use more time to study.

“Professional Quidditch players don’t need NEWTs,” was her only reply. This was Marlene’s answer to anything school related—it was why she had dropped Potions, Care of Magical Creatures, Herbology and almost everything else. In fact, out of everyone she knew, Marlene had the fewest classes—she took Defence Against the Dark Arts, Charms, Transfiguration and Muggle Studies, and did enough work to only just pass any of them—despite an abundance of natural talent, especially in duelling. Lily had to hand it to her—at least she knew where her priorities were.

“But _I_ don’t want play professional Quidditch,” James muttered, shuffling after her down to the pitch, broomstick dragging behind him and still trying to finish his dinner.

Lily was pretty sure that at the moment James was regretting even playing House Quidditch. The rigorous practice schedule was taking a toll on him, and he had admitted privately to her that it was slowly sucking all the joy out of playing for him. He was going to be glad of it when the match was over, win or lose.

Lily was worried that sneaking into DAC meetings would cut heavily into her studying, but was pleasantly surprised. During the April meeting that they attended, which consisted of a thirty second speech about how Crouch had to sit his OWLs and Severus had NEWTs too, it was decided that the DAC would be temporarily put on hiatus. She was thankful that at least the two of them cared about school too.

James had gotten into a shouting match with Marlene earlier about how he needed to take that evening off to spend time with Lily, but said he felt that it would be the right thing to do to return to practice after realising they actually did have the whole evening free. He had been very accommodating toward Marlene, and Lily thought this was probably because he felt guilty about being a terrible teammate for years. Lily accompanied him down to the pitch where Marlene saw them approaching.

“Well that didn’t take long, did it Potter?” she yelled down to him, “Sorry Lily!”

Lily snickered and James reddened, but he seemed to decide against retorting and took to the sky instead, falling right into a passing drill with the other Chasers.

\--

NEWTs were set to begin just a couple of weeks after the Quidditch Cup and Lily began to feel this was distinctly unfair. Without the DAC to worry about, she began focusing all her efforts on schoolwork. She took to quizzing James about various subjects over meals to help him revise. It was hard to hear his answers around his chewing, but it was better than him not revising at all. Once every few days or so, he would sit down heavily at the Gryffindor table and declare himself incapable of studying, and would instead spend the meal making eyes at Lily while she revised.

"Can you not?" she said one night at dinner after flicking her gaze at him to find him staring for the twelfth time.

"Not what?" he asked unblinkingly through a mouthful of shepherd's pie.

"Stare at me. I'm trying to revise," she told him.

"I'm not stopping you," he replied, gesturing to her textbook with his fork.

She tried to go back to her reading, but she could feel his eyes boring into her head.

"You're diverting my attention!" she said, exasperated.

"I didn't realise my presence was so _diverting_ ," he smirked, clearly enjoying the exchange, "perhaps we should go find an empty corridor or something, get it out of your system...then maybe you'll be able to concen--"

"Let's go, lover boy," Marlene boomed, pulling on the back of James's Quidditch robes.

He sighed, gave her one last pained look, and got up to trudge up to the pitch.

\--

The game fell on the sunniest Saturday they had seen so far--windy but also very bright. The Gryffindor team were up so early that Lily did not see James at breakfast, nor indeed did she have any access to him prior to the start of the game. She was sitting with Alice again, who was dressed in head-to-toe red and gold.

"Where's Frank?" Lily asked her.

Alice pointed to the other side of the stands, where Frank stood with his Hufflepuff friends, nearly indistinguishable from anyone else due to his black and yellow face paint. Lily privately thought they all looked like bees.

"We haven't spoken all day," Alice told her cheerfully, "Quidditch isn't worth losing our relationship over, so we're just avoiding one another until after the match."

The Gryffindor team took to the field to the usual roaring applause. For the first time in Lily's memory, James did not use the opportunity to wave congenially to the crowd or grin at various girls. He appeared to be deep in conversation with the other Chasers, the three of them gesturing occasionally at the goal posts or the air. Before mounting his broom, James clapped Daniel Cummings on the back, then they all kicked off.

The first thing James did after snatching the Quaffle out of the air was throw it to Emily. The entirety of the Hufflepuff team had already converged upon him and before any of them realised what had happened, Emily had scored. Clearly confused, the Hufflepuff Keeper threw the ball to one of the Chasers near to Daniel. Daniel intercepted him, then threw to James, who scored again.

To the general astonishment of everyone present, the Gryffindor Chasers continued to work as a unit as the game progressed. It could not have been plainer that Hufflepuff's entire strategy, much like Slytherin’s, had been to put all their energy into blocking James, and they were having a very difficult time switching tactics. Their Chasers kept glancing up at Aiden Lynch, clearly hoping that he would spot the Snitch quickly and end the game before Gryffindor could outscore them.

There was no such luck for Hufflepuff. Lily watched glowingly as the score mounted and James continued to throw the Quaffle back and forth between the other Chasers, sometimes scoring himself but passing as often as not.

The score was 150-0 when Alice squealed and pushed into Lily's shoulder. Lily adjusted her binoculars up and watched as Lynch and Marlene shot straight downward in pursuit of the Snitch, which was glittering barely a foot from the ground. Lynch was closer--and the Snitch was downwind, giving even greater advantage to his weightlessness. James had been headed towards the Hufflepuff goalpost, obviously intending to score himself, with the Quaffle tucked under his arm, but with one quick glance at the Seekers he shouted "Dan!" and threw the ball toward him.

Daniel caught it and threw it without hesitation at the middle goalpost. It had happened so quickly that the Keeper was still hovering to the left and watching James as the Quaffle sailed through the hoop. Exhaling a breath she didn't realise she'd been holding, Lily looked to the ground just in time to see Lynch and Marlene hit the grass hard, face first. Lynch rolled off onto his back and held the Snitch triumphantly up in his right hand. Marlene stumbled up and looked to the scoreboard, then clapped her hands over her mouth and screamed.

It was like the stadium had exploded. The crowds had converged onto the field even before all the players had alighted from their broomsticks. Black, running at top speed on his long legs, reached Marlene first. He pulled her into a fierce hug and swung her around and around, she was laughing and grinning and there were tears streaming down her face, as well as blood from her obviously broken nose. Black let go of her only to look to the sky and yell "Prongs!"

Daniel Cummings was swallowed by the throngs of people as soon as he flew within their reach. He was hoisted onto the collective shoulders of Gryffindor House as shouts of "We won the Cup!" and "Gryffindor!" drowned out every other sound. James got to the ground and locked eyes with Lily. He was forced to shove people aside as they tried to grab him, but he made his way steadily toward her. He finally reached her, threw his arms around her and dove in immediately for an open-mouthed kiss. She was reminded forcibly of the first time they had kissed, especially because she kept feeling his teeth on her lips as he attempted to suppress a grin.

He seemed quite happy to continue in this manner, jostled as they were among hundreds of people, but Lily noticed that in his all-encompassing jubilation he was getting a little more cavalier with his hands than she felt was strictly appropriate for a public setting, so she gently pushed him away and directed him instead towards the throngs of admirers waiting to congratulate him.

Marlene reached for him next, she grabbed his head in her hands and mussed his hair fiercely. He laughed and easily lifted her off her feet again in a crushing hug, only dropping her when he spotted the Marauders fighting to get to him. Lily took the opportunity to repair Marlene's broken nose with a spell she had learnt in the  _Encyclopaedia of Healing_. Peter hadn't quite gotten through when Black and Remus threw their arms around James--the three of them jumping up and down together--and he was forced to stand awkwardly behind them and wait for them to stop.

The celebration moved, as expected, to the Gryffindor common room. Lily had quite a job policing the underage drinking--she decided to turn a blind eye to Daniel Cummings, who was already on his second cup by the time she spotted him, but she snatched drinks out of the hands of several first and second years, and she shot James a warning glare as he raised his glass of firewhiskey to his lips. He looked her right back in the eye, tipped his glass to her and chugged it down.

It was the most exuberant party Lily had ever witnessed, and indeed she wondered if there had ever been such a party in the history of Gryffindor House. Instead of quieting down after a couple of hours, it seemed to gather speed and noise as it went, and by midnight it grew so out of control that Lily was starting to wonder if she should go and fetch Professor McGonagall—or if McGonagall would hear it herself and come up to put a stop to it. Half the house had paired off and people were running out of dark corners in which to occupy. Lily shot worried glances at Black and Marlene throughout the evening, especially as they got drunker. She kept expecting to look up and see them attached at the face—or worse, headed out of the portrait hole together, but it didn't happen. They stuck together almost the whole night, but every remark was met with laughter and every touch was clearly friendly.

James, who left her side to work the room around eight and didn't return until after twelve, made his presence known by slipping an arm around her waist. She didn't even need to look at him to tell that he was more than a bit drunk--he was swaying slightly on his feet and giving off an inordinate amount of body heat. She took a deep breath, fixed a patient smile on her face and turned to him.

"Lilyyyyyy," he started, not slurring, but drawing out her name in what he clearly hoped was a cajoling manner.

"Yes, James?" she said.

"I love you," he told her sloppily.

"It's because I love you too that I'm going to insist you go to bed now," she said firmly, taking his shoulders.

"What? No," he protested, but didn't fight her as she steered him toward the staircase leading to the boys' dormitories.

"I'm not tired," he insisted, tripping over the first step. She caught him and he didn't fall.

"Of course you're not," she said as they entered his room. Remus and Peter were already asleep, hangings drawn around their respective beds. Lily unfastened the clasp on James's Quidditch robes and left him standing there so she could rummage through his trunk for pyjamas.

"Today was the best day ever," he blurted, then collapsed back onto his bed and stared at her, grinning.

"You were wonderful," she told him honestly, returning to his side with pyjamas and attempting to remove his Quidditch robes.

"Undressing me, are you?" he said, raising his eyebrows at her.

"Yes, because you'll boil alive if you sleep in these," she told him, attempting to pull his jumper over his head while he remained lying down.

"Can you sit up?" she instructed, and he did so. He flung his jumper off the side of his bed, then leaned back, propping himself up on his elbows.

"I wouldn't mind watching you take off my trousers," he told her.

"If you're going to make this weird," she started, "I'll go get Black and have him help you--"

"No no no no," said James quickly, standing, stumbling and then unbuckling his own belt, "I got it."

He changed quickly into his pyjamas, kicked his Quidditch boots under his bed, and got under the covers.

"Want to get under here with me?" he mumbled in an obvious last-ditch effort to get her to stay with him.

"Tempting," she told him flatly, patting his head, "Goodnight, James."

He fell asleep before he could reply. Lily was about to leave the room when she spotted the folded up bit of spare parchment on top of wads of jumbled clothes in his trunk that she knew to be the Marauders Map. Thinking she could use it to locate Professor McGonagall (in the event that she was still awake and celebrating with the other teachers) in case she needed her to stop the revelry, Lily lit her wand, tapped the surface, and muttered "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good."

Professor McGonagall was asleep, but there were several people who weren't. Heart thudding, she saw Snape, Crouch and Regulus talking together in an empty classroom. There was no way that what they were discussing was trivial--they had risked leaving the dungeons at one o'clock in the morning to talk about something and Lily knew it was vital to discover what it was.

Without hesitating, she dove into James's rucksack and pulled out his Invisibility Cloak.

Leaving the common room was tricky, she had to wait until everybody was looking elsewhere before silently opening the portrait hole just enough to squeeze through. She did it so well that she didn't even wake the Fat Lady, and she flew down a hallway toward the classroom where Snape, Regulus and Crouch had converged. The door was shut firmly, but she was able to press right up against it and look through the little window in the doorway. The cloak covered her very easily alone.

She had to stifle a giggle when she caught sight of them. Snape and Crouch were both dressed in their school robes, but Regulus was wearing silk pyjamas and had clearly been dragged out of bed. His normally sleek, shiny black hair was rumpled and he was issuing forth a steady stream of complaints.

"...off your rockers, both of you, pulling me out of bed in the middle of the bloody night to..."

"Bellatrix has told me it will happen after classes end," Crouch was saying over Regulus, and his face was alight with manic, frightening excitement.

"I spoke with Lucius yesterday," Snape interrupted, "and he confirmed that what Bellatrix said was true."

"...well I'm sure Lucius told you at a decent hour, not sure why you couldn't extend the courtesy to the rest of us..."

"You know Lucius Malfoy, don't you Regulus?" said Snape, ignoring what Regulus had just said, "He's told me he's planning on marrying your cousin Narcissa."

"No. Why should I care?" Regulus snapped, "Contrary to popular belief, I don't sit around fretting about who my extended family are dating nowadays. I trust their parents to pick suitable partners for them, like everybody else."

"Didn't work with Andromeda, did it now?" said Crouch snidely.

"Every good family has blood traitors," Regulus replied unconcernedly, "mum burned her off our tapestry ages ago. Her and my brother. Narcissa will marry well though, I know her enough to know that, but I'm not exactly involved in the process. If Lucius says he's marrying her, then that just means I'll have to drag my dress robes out again this summer and go to another stupid wedding..."

"I wonder if they'll let us help," Crouch said to Snape. He was clearly so excited about whatever it was that he was even willing to put aside his dislike of Snape to discuss it with him. Lily felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand up.

"With the wedding preparations?" asked Regulus, looking at Crouch as if he'd just grown another head.

"No, you moron," Crouch snapped, "with the plans."

"What exactly are they doing?" Regulus asked, "You never made that clear."

Snape and Crouch looked at one another with identical expressions on their faces, and Lily could tell that they didn't really know, but neither of them seemed very keen to admit that out loud.

"The Dark Lord wishes to bring something here," Snape said finally.

Both Crouch and Regulus were looking at him expectantly. He cleared his throat and pursed his lips.

"And?" said Regulus.

"That's the extent of my knowledge. He wants to put something in the castle. It needs to be done when term is no longer in session so that the castle will be as empty as possible."

"So he's coming here?" said Regulus, and for the first time he actually looked a little worried.

"I doubt it," Crouch interjected, "He'll probably have someone else do it."

"Well, thanks so much for filling me in," drawled Regulus, snapping back into his usual sarcastic tone, "that was informative. Definitely worth getting me out of bed for. So glad we walked all the way up here from the dungeons too, I can't imagine what would've happened if someone had overheard you talking about this secret plan neither of you know bugger all about."

He stretched, got off the desk he had been sitting on, and strode toward the door so quickly Lily almost tripped over her cloak in her haste to get out of the way. Snape and Crouch exited shortly afterwards.

\--

Professor Dumbledore was mercifully awake and in his study. She knocked on his door and tucked the map and cloak hastily out of sight as she entered.

‘Good evening, Miss Evans,” he greeted as though he was not the least bit surprised that she had shown up uninvited at his office at one o’clock in the morning.

“Hi Professor,” she said, awkwardly. It was a very strange feeling—being there without James. His absence was incredibly noticeable.

“I notice we are one man short tonight,” Professor Dumbledore observed, “I trust he is not in any danger?”

“No,” said Lily quickly, “he’s asleep. He— “

She stopped, unsure how much she ought to reveal to the Headmaster about James’s evening.

“Mr Potter performed admirably in today’s match,” said Professor Dumbledore, “I am sure, exhausted though he may be from his efforts, that he celebrated in a manner befitting the outcome.”

“Yes,” she said, sinking into the chair opposite Professor Dumbledore, “but I found out something that I needed to tell you about.”

At that moment, Lily realised that she had not thought of a cover story for what she was doing out of bed. As far as she knew, Professor Dumbledore did not know about the map. He waited patiently for her to begin.

“So, the party tonight…it was getting a bit rowdy for my tastes. And I left the common room because I was thinking of going to get Professor McGonagall and see if she could put a stop to it, but on the way there I saw Crouch, Regulus and Snape talking in an empty classroom.”

Professor Dumbledore nodded, but gave a penetrating stare. She got the strong impression that he was perfectly aware she was not telling the whole truth, but apparently he did not feel it was important, probably for the same reason he did not press James to reveal how he had been managing to sneak about the school unseen for years.

Lily told him everything she had overheard between the three boys. At the mention of the Dark Lord placing something inside the school, Professor Dumbledore’s brow furrowed, but he did not interrupt her. When at last she had finished, he said to her “To be candid with you, Miss Evans, this information troubles me greatly.”

Her insides twisted with fear. She knew, of course, that whatever You Know Who wanted to place in the school could not be a good thing, but nothing she had seen or heard thus far made her more concerned than the fact that it troubled Professor Dumbledore.

“Thank you, Miss Evans. You may return to Gryffindor Tower. Please relay to Mr Potter everything you have told me as soon as you get a chance to speak with him alone.”

Lily nodded, thanked Professor Dumbledore, and left. As she closed the door behind her, she glanced back to see him opening the cabinet which she knew stored that basin surrounded by runes.

\--

Lily re-entered Gryffindor tower with apprehension. She gave the Fat Lady the password, "What are you doing out here at this time of night, dear?" the Fat Lady had asked, and then put the cloak back on as she re-entered.

Lily assumed Professor McGonagall must've broken up the festivities while she'd been away--the party was clearly over and the common room was empty. Lily crept back up the stairs and into James's dormitory. She wiped the map and shoved the cloak hastily back into his rucksack, and was tiptoeing out the door when a tired voice behind her said, "Evans?"

She whirled around and saw Black peering out from behind his curtains.

"What are you doing in here?" he asked her, squinting.

"I..." she started, her mind suddenly blank, "I was with James. I'm just leaving now."

Sleepy though he was, Lily could tell that Black wasn't buying her story.

"You weren't here when I came up," he said bluntly. Lily glanced at James's bed. His curtains were pulled back and he was sleeping with his mouth hanging open.

"I mean, I just came up now to see him...and he's...well, he's asleep isn't he? So I thought...I'd just go now..." she finished lamely.

Black looked at her shrewdly, then pulled his lips into his mouth as though trying to decide whether or not to argue.

"Goodnight then, I'll tell him you came by," he told her finally, disappearing again behind his curtains. Lily breathed a sigh of relief, then made her way silently to bed, mind spinning.


	18. Padfoot and Prongs

Lily had been waiting in the common room since right after breakfast on Sunday morning, revising. Remus appeared around eleven, gave Lily a solemn sort of nod, winced, and plodded down to the Great Hall to wait for lunch. Peter came next, shielding his gaze against the light coming from the windows, and nearly colliding with the wall next to the portrait hole in his attempts to leave the common room without opening his eyes.

Black descended about an hour later, looking distinctly rumpled and even more handsome for it. He showed no other obvious signs of a hangover, but eyed Lily in a suspicious sort of way before leaving to join Remus and Peter at lunch. She cursed under her breath; she had been hoping he was too drunk last night to remember their odd encounter in his dormitory, but he clearly hadn’t been.

Black’s departure was what Lily had been waiting for. She ascended the staircase and let herself into James’s room. The curtains were now shut around his bed and she yanked them open, plunging him into the sunlight streaming into the room.

“Oh my God,” he croaked, rolling over to hide his face in the pillow and nearly falling off the bed in the process, “why would you do that to me?”

“Good afternoon,” she told him brightly, “you’ll miss lunch if you stay up here much longer.”

He peeked at her with one eye from where his face was buried in his pillow, squinting because he couldn’t see without his glasses.

“Ugh,” he said, and she was pretty sure that was all he could get out. He stopped trying to look at her and actually lifted the pillow over his head, holding it firmly in place with both hands. Lily conjured a glass and cast an _Aguamenti_ charm to fill it with water for him.

“After you went to bed I did a bit of spying without you,” she said.

That woke him up. He sat up, light sensitivity apparently forgotten, and accepted the glass of water, downing it in one.

“Go on then,” he said, shoving his glasses on. His voice was a bit raspy still, but he was clearly wide awake.

She backed into Remus’s bed, sat down, and told him in detail of what she had overheard, and then of meeting with Professor Dumbledore afterward. James was silent for a moment.

“I’m so sorry,” he said, finally, “You shouldn’t’ve had to do that alone. I ought to have been there— “

“It’s alright,” she said, “I’m not trying to make you feel badly or anything— “

“No, it’s not,” he told her firmly, “but anyway…this all makes me really worried. I reckon I ought to make sure I have the map on me always so I can check between classes. I wonder if they’ll give Snape or Crouch any more information before it actually happens. That way we can find out how to set up defences…”

James was already drawing up a plan, as she suspected he would. Lily knew it bolstered his confidence in the face of the unknown to have something to do.

“There’s nothing we can do right now, you know,” she said gently, standing and offering him her hand, “shall we go have lunch?”

James looked up at her and she was suddenly struck by how young he was, how young they both were. Right now he looked every bit a teenager in over his head, eyes swimming with doubt and a future full of uncertainty. He took a deep breath and reached for her hand, grabbing it tightly.

“It’s alright to be afraid,” she told him, “I’m frightened too but…we have Professor Dumbledore, and we have each other…It’ll all be put right in the end.”

He stood and wrapped his arms around her in a crushing hug. It wasn’t a romantic embrace—it was much like the brief hug he had given her on the night she had found out about his secret missions, except this time he didn’t let go and she hugged him back. They were in over their heads, yes, but if they were going to drown then at least they’d be together.

\--

The two weeks leading up to the beginning of NEWTs proved to be some of the most stressful Lily had ever experienced. Even James was studying harder than she had ever seen him do, hands raking through his hair until it stuck straight up into the air and tongue between his teeth. Only Black and Peter seemed impervious to the threat of exams looming over them.

“I reckon,” Black said slowly to James two days before their Charms exams, “we ought to get some fireworks set up right before the first NEWTs. You know, help people loosen up a bit. What say you?”  
“Ah, that’d be fun,” said James. It couldn’t be plainer from his tone that this was an activity he had been dearly missing. Lily feigned deafness whilst James mulled it over, but ultimately he said, “look, Padfoot, why don’t we get together during the summer and set off fireworks in a field somewhere? It’s too much of a bother right now, with everything else we’ve got going on.”

Black raised his eyebrows at the part where James suggested that they get together over the summer, then turned away from him immediately when he finished speaking without comment.

“Wormtail, then,” he said, and Peter’s whole face lit up. “Want to help me? You can go out tomorrow evening after dinner to plant them—make sure you take the map.”

\--

The entire night before their first exam, Charms, Peter was nowhere to be seen until he came bursting into the common room out of breath and sweaty at nine o’clock. Lily had been sitting in an armchair with James, quizzing him on theories, while Black stared upside-down into the fireplace and Remus was practising nonverbally conjuring various small items. One look at Peter’s face and her heart dropped. She wasn’t even sure why, but she could tell he did not have good news.

Peter sat down rigidly into a chair next to her and James. His face was white.

“What’s happened?” said Black, righting himself and looking at Peter with his eyes narrowed.

“I…” Peter squeaked. Lily could tell that he was hoping the ground would open up and swallow him before he had to finish his sentence.

“Spit it out,” said Black, harshly.

“Filch caught me,” he whispered. Black relaxed a bit.

“So?” he said, “he’s caught you before. Did you plant the fireworks before he got to you?”

Peter shook his head, the little colour in his face draining further.

“What’s the matter with you?” Black demanded, “we can just do it later after he goes to bed. Where is he? Give me the map.”

Peter remained still, not meeting Black’s eyes.

“Where’s the map, Wormtail?” Black asked, in a voice of forced calm.

“I…he…” whispered Peter, “he made me empty my pockets. I wiped it before he could see but he…hetookit,” Peter finished, all at once.

James stiffened beside her as the full force of Peter’s words hit her in the face like a slap. The map was gone. Their only way of telling when the DAC was congregating was probably stuffed into a drawer in Filch’s office.

“Wormtail…” Black said dangerously, “you have reached the pinnacle of incompetence. I’m starting to think I ought to be impressed—how did you manage to fool us into thinking we could trust you? Have I been Confounded all these years?”

“Padfoot,” Remus started, but Black cut him off.

“Really, Wormtail, I’m asking you seriously,” he sneered, “Did you Confound me? It’d be the first time you’ve shown any magical ability too, so if you did it you might as well own up. It’d be your only achievement.”

“Sirius,” said James, “that’s enough.” Peter appeared very close to tears.

Black seemed as though he could have kept going, but shut his mouth. He took a couple of deep breaths, then, turning away from Peter, asked Remus and James “how are we going to get it back?”

Lily didn’t miss the flickering look that passed between James and Remus. James took on a pained expression, but Remus spoke first.

“I don’t think we should,” Remus told them firmly, “school ends in a few weeks—it’s not worth the trouble we’d be in if we’re caught. I don’t have time to plan a whole mission to retrieve the map just for a couple extra days of mischief-making. I’ve got exams.”

Black didn’t seem surprised by Remus’s answer.

“I figured you’d say that Moony,” he said, “I see why they chose you as a Prefect. Not surprised you’d pick the badge over us when it came down to it.”

Remus sighed and picked up a textbook, looking much less hurt than Lily would’ve felt if Black had directed the same comments at her. Black turned to James.

“So,” he said, in a rigid voice, “what’s the plan then?”

Lily froze. Black sounded harsh, but expectant. She could tell right away that this was a test—he was asking James to choose between him and…everything else. Between him and exams. Between him and being the Head Boy. Between him and Lily. She closed her eyes and braced herself for the impact of the row that was about to erupt between Black and James.

“Padfoot,” James started, slowly, “I reckon the map had a good run.”

Lily chanced a look at Black. His features were so blank he might’ve just had a memory charm placed on him, but his cheeks had gone that same ugly, blotchy red that she had only seen on him a couple of times. She was holding her breath.

“I see,” he said in a quiet, silky, almost Snape-like voice, speaking directly to James, “Guess the map’s not really that important if I’m the only Marauder left.”

He got up swiftly and made for the boys’ dormitories. Lily turned to look at James and was surprised—she was expecting him to feel sad, maybe a bit ashamed, but his eyes were blazing and his face had coloured in anger.

“I’ll be back,” he told her in a voice shaking with suppressed rage, and he followed Black up the stairs to the dormitory, slamming the door behind him.

A few more people had noticed the tension. Remus and Peter both appeared to be rooted to the spot. Without any pretence, Lily walked to the top of the staircase to listen to the argument.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” James shouted.

Black responded too quietly for her to hear, or said nothing at all. She couldn’t be sure.

“Oh come on! If you want to have a go at me, then do it. I’m sick of you sulking around—spit it out, get it over with,” James yelled. She was certain the whole common room could hear them.

“I just didn’t realise we all meant so little to you,” said Black. She could hear him fighting to keep his voice even, but his tone was rising.

“Don’t give me that. What’s this about then? Exams? Quidditch? Lily? Ah ha. That’s it then,” said James, no less quiet, “Well that’s a bit rich coming from you—I’ve never complained about any of your girlfriends, but as soon as I have one it’s— “

“I don’t care about you getting off with Evans,” Black spat, and she could swear she heard a little quaver in his voice, “But I never ditched you no matter who I was snogging or shagging or— “

“I’M IN LOVE WITH HER,” James shouted, “And I’m not snogging _you_ — “

“I NEVER ASKED YOU TO,” Black bellowed back.

A chilling silence followed. Lily was certain James was as stunned as she was—none of them had ever heard Black lose his cool before. Then there was the sound of something glass being thrown and cracking.

The quiet seemed to stretch on for an eternity. Remus coughed, and Lily turned around to look at him, wide-eyed. His face was as white as Peter’s, sending the scars across his skin into sharp relief. Finally, she heard the sound of two sets of bed hangings being yanked shut and shoes being kicked off, followed by more oppressive silence.

\--

The next morning, Lily waited quietly at the bottom of the staircase of the boys’ dormitory for James. He came down looking as though he had not slept for a moment—hair a mess from tossing and turning, eyes cast in shadow.

“I’m sorry I didn’t come back out last night,” he muttered, wrapping his arms around her. He dropped his head and buried his face in her hair, inhaling.

“It’s alright,” she said quietly, rubbing his back.

“Did you hear us?” he said into her hair.

She nodded. James inhaled deeply, but otherwise did not move or say anything.

“Did you see him this morning?” she prompted.

“No,” said James angrily, “and it’s a good thing. I still might kill him if I ever do see him again.”

Lily didn’t reply. She hated being the reason they had fallen out, but at the same time she didn’t feel the least bit guilty. She was spending less time than ever with Alice and Marlene—they understood that she was in a relationship and no one blamed her for wanting to be around her boyfriend as much as possible. Was Black actually expecting that he and James would remain bachelors and be inseparable for always?

\--

Lily’s Charms exam went beautifully—she was certain beyond a doubt that she had achieved an O. James said he thought he might’ve managed an O but was more likely to get an E. Remus, who sat with Black through the exam far away from James but met up with Lily for a few minutes after lunch while James was in the bathroom, told her privately that he was certain he’d also gotten an O.

“How is Black?” she asked him quietly.

“Er…” Remus hesitated, “I didn’t see him write anything during the theory exam so…”

Lily didn’t make him finish his sentence. She simply patted him on the back and congratulated him on his good mark. He gave James a friendly wave and a smile when he returned from the loo, which Lily took to mean that he was determined not to take sides. She thought it was quite kind of him to stick with Black for the most part though—James had her, and Black would otherwise be alone. She noticed that Remus was also the only one speaking to Peter.

She and James took a walk after dinner in which they discussed the greater implications for the loss of the map.

“We’re just going to have to do patrols more often,” James said in a resigned sort of way, “hope they show up…”

Lily couldn’t think of a better idea, and besides they simply didn’t have time to think about it now. They had their Arithmancy NEWT the next morning, and then James had Ancient Runes on Friday while she took Potions—she didn’t have any anxiety to spare for what was to happen after exams.

\--

Black made himself incredibly scarce over the remaining few weeks. He showed up right before each exam and disappeared immediately after they ended, and Lily noticed that he really didn’t seem to be actually taking the tests. He came to meals only sporadically, and spent absolutely no time in the common room at all.

“Where’s he going?” she asked Remus, “Is he eating?”

“He won’t say,” Remus admitted. Lily knew Black hadn’t treated her very fairly, and that she would be well within her rights not to give a toss what happened to him, but she simply couldn’t help worrying about him. James absolutely refused to speak about him at all; every time Lily brought him up James would either change the subject abruptly or else pretend he couldn’t hear her until she gave up.

It hadn’t really occurred to Lily what the end of NEWTs meant for the rest of the school year until after they were over. Professor McGonagall met with each seventh-year Gryffindor in turn to discuss career options. The two weeks between the end of exams and their graduation were to be used to apply to jobs, which would either accept or reject applicants based on their NEWT results.

This proved to be a surprisingly time-consuming process, at least for Lily. She carefully compiled several applications to a couple of smaller wizarding medical centres and to St. Mungos, as well as an internship at the Ministry which she didn’t really want. Remus spent his days with dozens of applications and papers spread out on the floor in front of the fire in the common room.

“Need any help?” she asked him, sitting cross-legged across from him one day. They were alone in the common room, everyone else was finishing lunch.

“No,” he said, distractedly, “just getting these all set up.”  
“What do you want to do most?” she asked. She was really interested, he had so many different types of jobs spread out in front of him that it was hard to tell what direction he seemed to be headed in.

Remus’s hand stilled for a moment.

“I’m not quite sure it matters,” he said quietly, “I…”

And suddenly it hit her. He was applying to so many different places because he assumed none of them would accept him. She leafed through a couple of his stacks of paperwork—he had handwritten letters in each explaining his condition and how he would be willing to work around it.

Lily looked up into his face and saw that he was staring stubbornly at the rug. A couple tears fell from his eyes onto his lap. He blinked rapidly and ignored them.

“Remus,” she whispered, crawling around the side of his paperwork to sit next to him and put her arms around him.

“Every one of these places would be lucky to have you working there,” she told him, feeling her own eyes fill with tears.

“I think you’re the only one who feels that way,” he whispered back, voice quivering.

He didn’t say anything after that, but he didn’t need to. He was thinking his uncertainties and insecurities so loudly it was as though they were being screamed at her. What was he going to do after Hogwarts? He had studied so hard, he had such good marks, and it was all going to come to naught…who would hire him? It was risky even telling prospective employers about his condition. His talents meant nothing in the face of his affliction. How was he even going to feed himself? She squeezed him tighter.

James entered the common room and saw them sitting on the floor together.

“Oh, am I interrupting something?” he said, jovially, “shall I leave you two alone? Is…what’s the matter?”

He sat across from them right away, peering into Remus’s face. He looked around at the mess of applications and then at Lily, who sniffled and bit her lip. James’s face took on a steely look of defiance.

“Send in the lot,” he said. “Let them reject you. I dare them to. We’ll find somewhere that won’t care, I promise. Until then, I’ve got you covered.”

“What are you talking about?” Remus asked.

“I mean I’ve got you. No best friend of mine is going to starve because people can’t see past a stupid little problem. I’ll get you a flat. We’ll pay for your groceries, everything, you don’t have to worry about a thing…”

“I can’t let you do that,” Remus whispered.

“You don’t have a choice,” said James firmly, “I’m doing it whether you like it or not. I’ll move you in by physical force if necessary. I’ll stuff your food down the chimney so you can’t refuse it.”

Lily knew he meant every word. She stared at James, eyes shining, and gave him a watery smile. She hoped he knew how much she loved him, how much she loved his fierceness and his devotion to his friends and his intolerance of injustice. In contrast to how young he had seemed a few weeks ago, now he looked the fully-grown man the wizarding world considered him to be.

Remus wiped his nose on his sleeve.

“I’ll send them in,” he said finally, “Thank you James, but I hope not to need your help.”

“There’s no shame in it, Moony,” James said, then his tone abruptly changed, “What, you think I’d become a stag for you only to let you starve to death once we leave school? That was a lot of work! You’re stuck with me.”

Remus snorted, rubbed his eyes, and the rest of the afternoon passed quite cheerfully after that.

\--

In contrast to Remus, Lily had not seen James send out any applications at all. She was more than a little concerned, but she brought the subject up only once.

“Need any help?” she asked.

“With what?” he said.

“Your applications,” she started, “have you sent any out?”

He stiffened and looked away from her.

“I’m working on it,” he muttered, “don’t worry about it.”

She could tell that the discussion was over, and something about his face told her it would be best not to push him on this.

She had not seen Black send anything out either—but she didn’t think she’d know if he had. If he was working on applications, he was doing it somewhere other than the common room.

The process for signing up for the Auror program meant she saw very little of Alice or Frank over the following couple of weeks, and Marlene spent most of her time on the Quidditch pitch speaking with recruiters.

She and James were using most of their free time patrolling the school for clandestine meetings between Slytherins, but were coming up maddeningly empty-handed. Each night they entered the deserted dungeon, but either their timing was off or the DAC had disbanded. Lily found herself wishing for the umpteenth time, several days before the end of term, that they had the map back again, when by chance she caught Snape walking down a corridor by himself heading upstairs.

She and James waited until he was out of sight, then threw the cloak over themselves and turned to follow him. To Lily’s utter delight, he entered into another empty classroom with Crouch.

“Do you have any more information?” Snape asked Crouch without preamble when they had entered the room.

“ _Muffliato_ ,” he added, pointing his wand at the door. Fortunately, Lily and James were already inside. Lily wasn’t sure what the spell did, but she was willing to bet it’d hinder their spying abilities.

“I can’t believe you haven’t been using that spell every time we meet,” Crouch snarled at him.

Snape ignored this. “So?” he pressed.

“It’s got to be next week,” said Crouch, “after term ends.”

“Why couldn’t it be deeper into the summer holidays?” Snape asked.

“Because it’s got to be done quickly,” said Crouch, “Bellatrix says the Dark Lord is impatient to have this taken care of. He’s sending some of the top Death Eaters--”

“But he won’t do it while everyone is in the school,” said Snape.

“Of course not,” Crouch scoffed, “that would be suicide. Do you think the Dark Lord is stupid?”

“I was merely confirming,” said Snape, lip curling, “I dearly hope that the missions he has me completing on the outside keep us well apart.”

“I feel the same,” Crouch spat, turning on his heel and stalking out of the room.

\--

After confirming with Professor Dumbledore that he would not be leaving the school next week, Lily and James made their way back up to Gryffindor Tower, discussing the speeches they were expected to give as Head Boy and Girl at the graduation ceremony that would be taking place in two days’ time. Lily had written several pages, which she had edited tirelessly and practised numerous times with Alice and Remus for an audience. James, on the other hand, insisted that he would “wing it” and had not made so much as a notecard. Lily warned him that he was going to panic when the time came for him to speak in front of everyone unprepared, but he just told her he wasn’t worried.

Black was in the common room when they got there. He was on his sofa, sitting in his usual way next to Remus, who was clearly sending off a couple more last-minute applications. He looked toward the portrait hole but quickly averted his gaze when he caught sight of James. James set his jaw and steered Lily toward their armchair, which was right next to Black, but before they could get there, Black got up and was halfway up the stairs to his dormitory. Remus gave Lily a weak smile and returned to his writing. With a pang, Lily realised that there was only two days left before Black and James would be going their separate ways—if they didn’t patch up their relationship before then, it might never happen.


	19. Duels, Dittany and Death Eaters

The morning of their graduation, Lily woke early. It was uncommonly quiet in the common room; term had officially ended the day before so there were no younger students left in the school. As it was a formal event, Lily pulled on a set of dress robes she had purchased for the occasion—bottle green in colour, to bring out her eyes. She took a bit of extra time getting ready—setting her hair up with Sleakezy’s Hair Potion and choosing high heeled shoes.

James nearly literally took her breath away in his dress robes—black with a white shirt and black bow tie, and she giggled at the sight of him.  
“What?” he said, looking down and checking to make sure his fly was shut.

“Nothing,” she said, fighting the urge to fan herself, “you look…”

“Not as good as you,” he told her, eyes raking her up and down, “Ready?”

Lily nodded, and they headed down to breakfast together.

Because Muggles were unable to enter the school, the graduation ceremony was to take place on the outskirts of Hogsmeade. That way, the parents of Muggle-born witches and wizards would be able to attend. Lily knew her mum and dad were there, but she was fairly certain Petunia wasn’t coming.

After breakfast, the whole class of seventh years left the school and made their way down to the enormous white marquee that had been erected in the middle of a grassy field. As she passed each shop on the high street, Lily found herself wishing desperately that she was back in her dormitory—that dormitory she would never see again, the wonderful, warm Gryffindor common room with its squashy armchairs and couches and mismatched tables…the Great Hall and every delicious meal she’d eaten there, and Hogsmeade itself—there was the shop with lots of Potions ingredients, bottles of Dittany on display in the dusty window, Madam Puddifoot’s, The Three Broomsticks, Tomes and Scrolls, Wiseacre’s Wizarding Supplies…

James squeezed her hand. “You know we can come to Hogsmeade anytime we like now, right?” he reminded her, “We can have lunch here every day if that’s what you want.”

“It’s not that,” she said, “it’s just…” she looked around. There was Remus, looking handsome if still a bit shabby, staring wistfully back at the castle. Alice and Frank, hand in hand, Marlene, wearing all black but managing to make it elegant instead of funereal…she and James could have lunch in Hogsmeade, but none of these people would be here. Speaking of not here…

“Where’s Black?” she asked James.

“Hell if I know,” he shot back, trying and failing to look as though he didn’t care. She saw his eyes dart around the students, looking for Black. They were yards away from the marquee when James stopped in his tracks.

Lily came to a halt beside him.

“Has it finally hit you that you’re about to give a speech you haven’t written yet? I hate to say I told you so, but I absolutely…” Lily stopped talking. His eyes were so wide and dilated he looked frightening. All the colour drained out of his face.

“Where’s Snape?” he whispered.

“I didn’t see him, why? What’s wrong?” she asked him.

“It’s today,” he said, as much to himself as to her. “Look…no one…no one’s in the school.”

Lily peered into the marquee. He was right—Professor Dumbledore was here. All the Heads of Houses. All the professors. The only people up at the school would be Filch, Madam Pince…

“They’d be mad to do it during the day,” she said, attempting to convince herself, “what if someone saw them? How are they going to get in?”

“We need to look around,” he said, pulling her arm.

“Are  _you_  mad?” she hissed, “we’re supposed to be on that stage in minutes.”

James shook his head. “We’ve got to.”

“Look…let’s see if we can get Professor Dumbledore bef…” she trailed off, as the magically magnified voice of Professor Dumbledore boomed inside, addressing all the students and their parents. James was unfolding the Invisibility Cloak from under his robes.

“You go in, I’ll just…”

“No, I’m coming with you,” she said quickly, “I think you’re mad but I’m coming.”

They walked behind a building a short way away as James finished unfolding the cloak. Lily saw movement on the other side of the street. Not even breathing, she could just make out five people walking in the shadows of the buildings. They looked very much like they were trying not to draw attention to themselves. She elbowed James and he saw them too. He swore softly in her ear.

“James?” came a voice from the alleyway next to the building.

Lily looked up. Black was walking towards them, hands in his pockets. He was wearing the farthest possible thing from dress robes—Muggle jeans and a t-shirt.

“What are you doing here?” James asked, momentarily forgetting his quest.

“Don’t have any family there or anything—what’s the point?” said Black, shrugging. Then he caught sight of James’s face. “What are  _you_  doing back here though? Is everything alright?”

He looked so serious and concerned that Lily spoke up before James could rebuff him.

“We need help,” she blurted.

“With what?” said Black, confused.

James looked at Lily for a fraction of a second.

“Death Eaters,” James whispered, “They’re breaking into the school, I know it. Death Eat— “

“I know what Death Eaters are,” Black interrupted. He looked scared but determined and drew his wand from his back pocket, “what do you need me to do?”

“We need to spread out, figure out how they’re getting in…I don’t know how we’re going to manage it…”

Black pulled out a small, cracked mirror from his pocket. He held it up to his lips and began to whisper into it.

“Moony.”

Silence

“ _Moony_.”

More silence.

“Moony Moony Moony Moony…”

“You gave him my mirror?” James asked Black angrily.

“You threw it at me! I wasn’t going to let it go to waste!”

“What?” came an angry voice from the mirror. It was barely louder than a breath. Lily could see Remus’s face in the mirror, angled so that they couldn’t see anything else. Lily felt sure he was up in front of everyone and trying his hardest to look surreptitious.

“Get out here,” Black whispered back.

“Are you insane?” Remus hissed through his teeth.

Black angled the mirror toward Lily. Remus’s expression softened as soon as he caught sight of her. She nodded.

“Please, Remus,” she said, “we’re across the street in an alley. Don’t let anyone see you when you get out.”

“Be right there,” he mumbled.

A moment later, Remus and Peter appeared in the alley next to them. She, James and Black filled them in on the plan.

“Is this where you’ve been going all year?” Peter asked, “To spy on these people?”

“Yes,” said James, hurriedly, “I promise I’ll tell you everything later. But right now we need to focus. Ok, here’s the plan, we’re going to split up. Remus, Peter, go up the high street. Lily and I are going to take the Shrieking Shack entrance—I bet they’ll use that; Snape will have told them about it. Padfoot— “

“I’ll find them,” he said, “I’m fastest. I’ll be back.”

And with that, right before her eyes, he transformed into a great black dog and took off down the street.

James threw the Invisibility Cloak over the both of them and Lily kicked off her shoes. They walked silently toward the Shrieking Shack. Sure enough, the five shadows she had seen earlier were headed toward the entrance.

Now that she got a better look at them, she realised that two of the people were Crabbe and Snape. They were accompanied by three adults—a woman with heavy-lidded eyes and thick, shiny black hair, a tall white-blond man in a sweeping black cloak, and the most frightening-looking person Lily had ever seen. He looked to be halfway-transformed into a werewolf, if the illustrations in her Defence Against the Dark Arts textbooks were to be believed. But it was the middle of the day—she didn’t understand how it was possible for him to be covered in matted grey fur and fanged with the sun shining down on him.

James grabbed her hand and they crept behind a gnarled oak tree close to the boarded-up door to the Shack. The group of Death Eaters were approaching fast.

“ _Protego_ ,” thought Lily, pointing her wand at the front of the house. 

The black-haired woman raised her wand and sent a blasting curse at it. It hit Lily’s shield and rebounded back, smashing the tree behind which Lily and James were crouching, concealed.

The woman turned sharply on the spot, peering around for the source of the spell. She whispered something to her companions, and they began to fan out, wands raised.

Lily could hear rattling breath drawing closer, and knew that the werewolf was approaching them. James shifted under the cloak. She saw his hand materialize as it left the cloak’s concealment, gripping his wand, pointing just around the tree’s trunk.

There was a bang, and the werewolf was blasted back, unprepared for James’ Stunning curse.

After that, all chaos broke loose.  The air was rent with blasts and whistling curses, as James sent more Stunning spells from behind the tree. Lily chanced a glance around the tree’s other side. The werewolf was getting to its feet. The others were advancing on their hiding place. A curse from the blond man missed her ear by inches as she quickly ducked back behind the tree.

She felt James turn toward her and he whispered in her ear, “Stand to fight on 3…. 1, 2, 3!

As they threw the cloak from their shoulders and stepped around either side of the tree to face the oncoming assailants, suddenly, Black appeared out of nowhere—human again, running toward them, wand out.

“Hey, Bella,” he called. The woman turned to face him.

“Why Sirius Black,” she cackled. The sound of her voice made Lily’s hair stand on end—it was the cruellest, maddest voice she thought she’d ever heard.

“What are you doing here?” Black asked, and Lily begged him mentally to take these people seriously, “I thought you liked a bit more grandeur, this place isn’t up to your usual standards, is it? Of course, if the Dark Lord likes it, well then…”

“How dare you mention the Dark Lord?” Bellatrix shrieked at him, turning away from the Shack and Lily and James. Lily realised that Black was buying them time, he was trying to divert attention away so that they could formulate a plan. From behind the terrifying werewolf, Lily saw Remus and Peter streaking down the street towards them. The werewolf turned to see who was approaching.

“Well, well” he rasped, “Could that be little Lupin? Not a cub anymore, are you?”

Remus skidded to a halt, breathing hard, mouth slightly agape as all the colour left his face, and he tightened his grip around his wand.

“Fenrir,” he whispered.

Lily had never loved any of the Marauders more than she did in that moment, or been so afraid for their safety. They stood there, tense and at the ready, with Black, Lily, and James separated from Remus and Peter by the five Death Eaters. The standoff seemed to last forever. It was as if everyone was waiting for someone else to make the first move. And then, all at once, they cast their spells.

Bellatrix threw a Killing Curse at Black, who dodged it narrowly while shouting, “ _Incarcerous_ ”. Thick ropes shot out of his wand, winding their way through the air toward Bellatrix, who deflected them, causing them to sail at Peter, who fell to the ground, struggling to disentangle himself. Next to him, Remus murmured, “ _Petrificus Totalus_ ” as Fenrir advanced, claws raised and teeth bared. The werewolf stiffened, and fell yet again, rigid and unmoving. Crabbe was lumbering toward Black, and tripped over the petrified Fenrir. James moved at once in Snape’s direction, sending a Stunning spell at him. Snape ducked, and pointed his wand at the tree next to which James stood.

It burst into flames, and sent James flying sideways with the force of the explosion. He sailed past the blonde man, whose wand was pointed across the scene at Black; and Black, Lily noticed, locked in combat with Bellatrix as he was, did not see the jet of red light speeding toward his back. Lily jumped from around the burning tree, and cried, “ _Protego_!”

The red light bounced off the invisible shield inches from Black, and sped right back at its caster. The man dodged expertly to the side, and turned to face Lily, this time sending a spout of purple fire at her with a sneer.

“Lily, NO!” James shouted from behind her attacker, but she hardly heard him. She barely had time to react as curse scorched past her right side, singing several holes in the sleeve of her dress, but leaving her otherwise unharmed. Lily saw now that she was cut off from James and the rest of the Marauders, with a fully qualified and highly dangerous wizard bearing down on her. She had no choice. She lost sight of the others as she ducked into an alleyway, and skirted around a building.

“Lucius!” she heard Bellatrix shouting, “Lucius! We have a job to do, get back here!”

Lily came out on the other side of the high street and saw Remus—he was now duelling Crabbe, and as she watched, he disarmed Crabbe and sent his wand flying through the air. Bellatrix was making her way back up to the Shrieking Shack, Black was battling Snape, James was on his feet and running to meet Lucius, bellowing, “Listen to your boss Bellatrix, she told you to get back here. Come on, fight me! _Stupefy_!”

Remus caught sight of Lily. He held up his hand as if to say, “Stay there!”, and then rushed to Black’s aid.

Lily waited for what felt like forever. There were crates stacked in the alley to form almost a little alcove. After several tense, quiet minutes, James came stumbling into the alley where she was waiting.

“Lily,” he panted, white-faced, “Lily. Lily. You’re ok, you’re ok.”

He grabbed her arm, her face, looking her over carefully to make sure she was unharmed.

“I’m fine,” she whispered, but as he bent over her, she saw something drip into her lap. With horror, she realised that James was white not from fear, but from blood loss.

He nearly collapsed on her right there, but she caught him and leaned him up against the wall.

“Where…” she whispered, but then she saw it, slashes across his abdomen, slashes that were blossoming great rivers of blood.

“Hold on,” she said, willing his body to stop bleeding, thinking hard of the Dittany she had seen in the shop window coming up the high street.

“ _Accio Dittany_ ,” she whispered, and heard it crash through the window, zooming toward her. She hoped no one would see it, but if she could get James to stop haemorrhaging blood, it would worth it.

“Lily,” he said again, head lolling back a bit.

“Hold on,” she told him again, catching the Dittany and unstopping it, applying it to his wounds with shaking hands.

“Will you marry me?” he asked her in a whisper.

“Yes, James, of course I will,” she told him firmly, to keep him happy, keep him awake, but even as she said the words she knew that she meant them wholeheartedly.

James looked down woozily at himself, at his once-white shirt that was soaked through red with his blood.  
“I’m going to have to get new dress robes for it though,” he said.

Peter streaked into the alleyway, trailing the Invisibility Cloak behind him, caught sight of her and James, and froze.

“Throw that here, and get Madam Pomfrey,” she called to him. He didn’t move. “Now!”

Peter tossed the cloak in their direction exited the alley and ran as fast as he could towards the marquee.

Lily took several deep breaths and tried to remember her  _Encyclopaedia of Healing_. She waved her wand over James, muttering incantations that were meant to close his wounds. She couldn’t replace the blood he’d lost though—she needed to keep him safe until Madam Pomfrey arrived.

Black came barrelling in next. He took one look at James and all the blood drained out of his face too.

“I’ve got him,” Lily told him quickly, “Peter’s gone for help.”

Black nodded, not taking his eyes off of James.

“I’ll stay here,” he said, wrenching his gaze from the little stream of James’s blood trickling down into the centre of the alley and turning his back to them, wand out, ready to defend them if anything came into their little alcove.

“Put the cloak on,” Sirius instructed her. She pulled the Invisibility Cloak out from under James where it had fallen and draped it over both of them, then went back to closing James’s wounds. The spells weren’t working nearly so well in her panicked state. She wished bitterly that she’d spent more time practising them.

Another figure swooped into the alleyway—she recognised him without even looking full into his face. Snape stopped in front of the alley when he saw Sirius, raised his wand, and muttered, “ _Crucio_ ”. Sirius deflected the jet of red light easily, and attempted to Stun him. Lily saw it happen in slow motion—Snape deflected the Stunning spell in one fluid motion, and spun slashing his wand in the air. The purple flame hissed and swirled, hitting Sirius full in the stomach. Sirius exhaled and crumpled to the floor.

“SIRIUS!” James cried.

Snape took a few steps toward the sound of James’ voice, kicking Sirius’s lifeless body to the side. Lily threw off the cloak, ready to defend herself and James and Sirius, and stepped out of the alcove. She took a deep breath and held out her wand. Snape stopped abruptly, staring.

“Is anyone else down there?” called Bellatrix’s voice.

Snape looked into Lily’s eyes for a long moment. She couldn’t read his expression—he didn’t seem angry, he didn’t seem happy that his little group was clearly winning, he was just…he looked confused and miserable and longing…

“No,” he called back, not breaking eye contact with her. “There’s no one down here.”

He stepped backwards so as not to break her gaze for as long as possible, then closed his eyes and turned out of the alley, taking off down the street.

“Sirius,” James cried weakly again. Lily diverted her attention back to him.

Tears were streaming down James’s face. He was attempting to sit up, but Lily held onto his shoulder to keep him seated.

“Stop it,” she pleaded with him, “you can’t get up, you’re hurt!”

He was so weak that he couldn’t even shake off the slight pressure she was putting on his shoulder.

“Sirius! Sirius!” he wept, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Sirius!”

His stretched out his arms in the direction of Sirius.

“I’ll go get him,” Lily told him, “if you promise not to move. Stay here, I’ll check on him.”

James nodded, sobbing pitifully.

Lily crawled along the floor of the alley toward Sirius and pulled his body onto his back. He was terrifyingly still. She grabbed one of his wrists and could have cried in relief—a pulse. Not steady or strong, but it was there—he was alive, he could be helped—

And just then, Crabbe appeared in the alleyway. Lily threw herself in front of Sirius’s unconscious body. Crabbe looked at them, grinning thuggishly, and stabbed in the air with his wand.

“ _PROTEGO_!” shouted three voices from behind her on the other side of the alley.

A deafening bang rocked the alley as Crabbe’s curse bounced back at him, lifting him off his feet and sending him sailing several yards away. With a thud, he hit the ground hard, clearly knocked out. Lily turned around and saw Frank, Alice and Marlene holding up their wands, somehow looking both confused and determined.

“What are you doing here?” she asked them breathlessly.

“We came to find you of course,” said Marlene, “we knew you wouldn’t have missed your speech unless it was life or—what happened to Black?”

Marlene paled as she caught sight of Sirius’s body.

“He’s alive,” Lily assured her quickly, “he’s just been…I don’t know what they hit him with. He’s hurt. And James…”

Marlene rushed over to Sirius to stand guard over him. Lily turned back to James. He was still crying, but clearly nearing unconsciousness.

“Have you sent for anyone?” Alice asked, kneeling next to her and James.

“Yes,” Lily told her, applying more Dittany to James’s wounds, “Peter’s gone to get Madam Pomfrey and…”

Bellatrix’s voice rang out from down the street.

“Snape, where’s the other one? We’re leaving, we’ve drawn too much attention.” There were footsteps, the sound of Crabbe’s unconscious body being dragged unceremoniously across the cobblestones of the street, a loud crack, and then silence.

Just then, Madam Pomfrey appeared in the alleyway. She saw Sirius first, then James—Lily felt an enormous weight lift out of her chest as saw her practised eyes scrutinise them both and decide that James was in more immediate danger.

Marlene sat quietly with Sirius’s head in her lap. He did not stir, but she waited until Madam Pomfrey conjured up a stretcher for both boys and together, the group of them made their way up to the Hospital Wing.

“Drink this,” Madam Pomfrey said when they arrived, shoving a goblet into Lily’s hands.

“No, but I— “

“No buts,” Madam Pomfrey interrupted, “You’re in shock dear. Drink it.”

Lily didn’t have the strength to argue with her any further. She downed the contents of the goblet and promptly fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An enormous thank you to my wonderful brother slytherproud for editing/practically ghostwriting this chapter. (I know how to write relationships, not battles!)


	20. Valour and Vows

"I'm sorry," said James. He sounded as though he needed to blow his nose.

"So you said," Sirius replied.

"Well I am."

"I know you are. I heard you the first fifty times and I'll only say this once more—forget it. You're forgiven. I totally understand."

"I wish I could've— “

"Knock it off, will you?"

Lily opened her eyes to find herself on a cot in the hospital wing. She was facing a row of beds. The one next to her contained James. The one on his other side contained Sirius. They were both on their backs with their faces turned to one another and seemed to be arguing in a good-natured sort of way. Neither appeared to have noticed that she was awake and she spent a few moments basking in their cheerful bantering.

"I’d hug you if I could, Padfoot."

"Please don't."

"Well I can't get up. Madam Pomfrey just about bit my head off last time I tried."

"Remind me to thank her for that, then. You'll drip blood all over my nice jeans."

"Those _are_ nice jeans, they—wait, are those mine?"

"Hm? Oh, yeah, I think they were actually."

" _Were_?"  
"They suit me better. Don't they, Lily?"

At this last, Sirius caught Lily's eye over James and called out to her. James immediately swivelled his head around and gazed at her with an unabashedly besotted expression. It would've been disgusting if she hadn't been pretty sure she had the same look on her face.

Lily suddenly remembered that she was uninjured. She nearly leapt the space between their beds and sat down near James's feet. He reached both arms out toward her as if to pull her closer, but he couldn't reach. With a huff, he settled for holding her hand. She glanced over at Sirius. He was still smiling, but it looked rather fixed as he watched them. Lily gave James's hand another squeeze, let go, and relocated to the foot of Sirius's bed.

"I'd like to hug you too, Sirius," she told him.

"Okay, don't you start this up again," Sirius sighed, "I've had enough sentiment in the past hour to last me the rest of my life. I can't deal with another teary forgiveness speech."

"I wasn't teary," James added immediately, but his eyes were red-rimmed.

"Sure you weren't, Prongs."

"And I wasn't going to ask for forgiveness," Lily said. "I didn't do anything wrong. This is a thank you. You saved me and James back there, I don't know what we would've done if..."

"Wuhhh?"

A voice from the other side of the room reminded Lily that there were people in existence other than her, James and Sirius. She turned her head and watched Frank sit up in one of the beds lining the opposite wall. He rubbed at his eyes and frantically looked around him, then relaxed visibly at the sight of Alice sleeping peacefully in the cot next to him. Remus, Peter and Marlene made up the rest of the row, all deeply asleep. Before he could say anything else, Madam Pomfrey bustled into the room. 

"Oh Miss Evans, you're awake. How are you feeling? Hungry? Tired?"

Lily hadn't given much thought to how she was doing, but now that it was mentioned, she realized she could do with something to eat.

"I'd love dinner," James blurted before she could reply, "Have you got any shepherd's pie?"

Madam Pomfrey clucked at him, then turned to Frank.

"Mr Longbottom, are you alright? Would you something to eat as well?"

"Yes, please ma'am," said Frank, getting to his feet.

"Frank?" Alice had woken up.

"I'll ask the house elves to bring enough for everyone," Madam Pomfrey called as she exited. Frank immediately relocated into Alice's bed and snuggled her close.

"What  _happened_ , Lily?" he asked.

"What time is it?" came Remus's voice from Alice's other side.

"Half five," Sirius called over to him, waving.

"I'm famished," Remus said.

"Food's coming," James assured him. "So glad you're okay, Moony."

Remus got up and crossed the room to sit on the edge of James's bed.

"Are you going to finally tell us what's been going all year?" he asked quietly, "I think we deserve to know."

"Damn right we do," Marlene said, joining Lily by Sirius's feet. Sirius grumbled that it was getting a bit crowded on his bed, but he didn't kick them off.

Lily met James's eyes and nodded. Remus was right. They did deserve to know.

"Alright," said James, "But we're going to do this properly. Somebody wake up Pete."

Remus went back to the other side of the room and shook Peter until he grunted awake. They shuffled back across the room together, along with Alice and Frank, who sat together on the empty bed next to Sirius's. Remus sat at James's feet. Peter dropped to the floor in between the beds.

"Right," James started, "so, at the beginning of the year, Professor Dumbledore asked me to keep an eye on some people who he thought might be involved with You Know Who."

Sirius was picking at his fingernails, smirking. It was clear to Lily that James had already told him all of this while they had been asleep, and Sirius was very pleased to have been filled in before everyone else.

"Finally the answer to the mystery of why you're the Head Boy," said Remus.

"Yes, er, Dumbledore noticed that I had a fair bit of talent for sneaking about and I guess he thought he'd put it to better use."

"Have you known this whole time?" Remus asked Lily.

Lily shook her head. "He told me near the end of last term, I was as confused as you over the summer, Remus."

"Yeah, I got Lily involved in... I think it was November...but only because I had to, there was information I needed that only she could get. So if you're wondering what's been going on all year, we've been sneaking round spying on Slytherins and watching them hex each other."

"Wow," said Marlene, so genuinely impressed that she didn't seem able to pretend otherwise, "we all assumed you were just off shagging."

"I wish," James muttered.

"James is a virgin," Sirius supplied helpfully.

'Thanks, Padfoot," James shot back, without venom, "anyway, some of the Slytherins—Crabbe, Snivellus— “

"Yeah, we'd figured out that much. Name someone who  _didn't_  attack us today," Sirius interjected.

"Er..." hesitated James.

"Just say it," Sirius sighed.

"Regulus was involved," James said in a rush, "but, he didn't exactly seem enthusiastic about it, at least."

"Regulus has never acted enthusiastic about anything," said Sirius, in a great imitation of a light, unconcerned tone of voice, "if he didn't want to be there, he wouldn't've been. Anybody else?"

James listed off several of the names they had heard over the course of the DAC meetings.

"Okay. I get all that," Frank said, nodding, "but I don't understand what happened today."

"You Know Who asked some of the Death Eaters to bring something to Hogwarts," Lily explained, "we don't know what it was, exactly, or why. But it's You Know Who, so it can't be good, can it?"

"How did you know when they'd be here?" Alice asked.

"We didn't," said James, "We realized it just as we got to Hogsmeade. There wasn't time to tell Dumbledore, but we ran into Sirius outside and we were able to get hold of Moony and Wormtail."

"That's why we left," Alice added, "me, Frank and Marlene. We saw Remus and Pete leaving and noticed you weren't there. Well, we knew you wouldn't skive off your own graduation speech--"

"Oh no," Lily moaned. It all came back to her in a rush. The graduation, the speech, her parents. "We missed our own graduation!"

"I wasn't planning on going anyway," Sirius reminded her.

"Yes, but..."

"Oh no!" James exclaimed, imitating Lily's expression, "They're going to make us stay on an extra year because we didn't culminate properly!"

Everybody started laughing.

"I don't think that will be necessary," said a quiet voice from the doorway. The whole group turned sharply in its direction. Professor Dumbledore was walking toward them. They fell silent immediately.

Professor Dumbledore conjured a chair when he reached their little cluster of beds and took a seat. He smiled at them and waited. There was a great inhale of breath and then all of them started speaking at once.

"Where are mum and dad?"  
"Does everyone know what happened?"

"Did you catch any of the Death Eaters?"

"Are you sure we won't have to repeat seventh year?"

"How did you know where to find us?"  
"What were they trying to hide in the school?"  
"Is it safe now?"

"Was anyone else hurt?"

Professor Dumbledore held up a hand and they fell silent. Then he spoke;

"I can see you have a lot of questions. I will answer them to the best of my ability. Mr Potter, all of your families are at The Three Broomsticks. They have been made aware that there was an incident, but that you are all recovering nicely. You will be given leave to tell them what occurred at your own discretion.

"Miss McKinnon, very few people were aware of what happened outside the ceremony today. The threshold to the Shrieking Shack was repaired quickly, and most of the families and students remain blissfully ignorant of the presence of Death Eaters in Hogsmeade today.

"I regret to inform you, Mr Lupin, that we were unable to detain any of the Death Eaters. However, due to your personal efforts and those of everyone else in this room, no lasting damage has been done.

"Mr Pettigrew, I assure you that you will not have to repeat seventh year. You and your friends will be receiving your diplomas tonight, and you will be on your way."

Far from looking reassured, Peter nodded and cast his head down. He seemed...disappointed, maybe? It suddenly occurred to Lily that she had never thought to ask him what he would be doing after Hogwarts. If he had any plans at all, he hadn't ever spoken of them to her knowledge.

"Miss Wright, Madam Pomfrey alerted me to the situation when Mr Pettigrew came to her. And I regret to say, Mr Black, that we have not yet discovered the nature of what they were planning on leaving here.

"And Mr Longbottom, I can assure you that within these walls, we are safe. I wish I could say the same for the outside world, but I cannot do so in good conscience."

As they allowed the weight of Professor Dumbledore's words to sink in, several house elves arrived laden with heavy plates of food. Lily, Professor Dumbledore and most of the others balanced their meals on their laps. James tried to sit up in his bed and winced.

"Lay back down," Lily ordered him.

He reluctantly did as she told him. A compromise was reached that consisted of Lily pulling a chair up next to his bed and feeding him from her own plate. He kept trying to make it look seductive, but succeeded only in swallowing wrong and coughing up soup out of his nose.

Sirius made no attempt to sit up. Now that Lily looked at him more closely, he seemed quite a lot paler than usual. He was probably hungry too, she realized, but definitely too proud to ask for assistance. She caught Marlene's eye, then glanced pointedly at Sirius. Marlene rolled her eyes.

"I'm going to help you eat," she announced to Sirius, "but only because you look so pitiful lying there making eyes at my plate. Don't read anything else into it."

She crossed to sit on his bed and held a bite of chicken above his mouth. He chewed it gratefully and gave her a warm, genuine smile that Lily had only ever seen him direct at James. She wondered if that was how he had looked at Marlene when they were alone together, and suddenly felt she understood why she had grown so attached to him.

"I told you not to get any ideas," Marlene muttered at him, growing pink and confirming Lily's suspicions.

"Did I say anything?" Sirius asked innocently, smirking.

"You didn't need to," she grumbled, feeding him another bite.

"I assure you, I have no ideas," he replied, chewing, "my mind is utterly blank. I definitely wasn't thinking about how brilliant you are, or how much I'm enjoying you feeding me. "

Marlene smacked him on the forehead.

"You know, I'd forgotten how much I missed you hitting me." he said, "Feels like sixth year all over again," and she laughed--a real, full laugh that wafted over Lily and filled her with ease.

"Excuse me," said James, pulling on Lily's sleeve and drawing her attention away from what was transpiring on the other bed and back to himself. He pointed to her food and she gave him another bite.

Professor Dumbledore watched them all eat and banter with an expression of mild interest as he picked at his own plate. When they had mostly finished, he addressed them again.

"Now that we are all full and calm, I hope you will regale me with the true story of what happened to you today. I should like to hear from each of you, in as much detail as you can manage."

This took the better part of the next hour. By the time they had all finished speaking, the sun was very low on the horizon and the sky was rapidly darkening. Professor Dumbledore surveyed the group, his eyes sweeping back and forth between them all. His expression, normally inscrutable, was unmistakably proud.

"I have something I wish to ask all of you, and I have no qualms doing so as you are no longer students under my supervision. Over the past year, I have been gathering in secret with those who seek, as I do, the downfall of the wizard who calls himself Lord Voldemort."

Only Peter visibly flinched at the use of You Know Who's preferred name. Lily winced slightly, Sirius and Marlene did a bit of a double take, and James blinked rapidly a couple of times, but Alice and Frank stuck out their chins, heads held high in nearly identical expressions of defiance. Dumbledore continued as if he hadn't noticed any reaction.

"We have formed the beginnings of a society--"

"I want to join," James interrupted, "how do I sign up?"

Professor Dumbledore looked at James over the top of his glasses.

"Sorry Professor," James mumbled, closing his mouth.

"I would like to extend an invitation to each of you to become involved with this society."

He fell silent.

"Right, I want to join," James repeated.

"I appreciate your enthusiasm, James," Professor Dumbledore said kindly, "But I want you to fully understand before you sign on that this will be a dangerous undertaking. I would not wish to jeopardize your future by saddling you with a responsibility that hampers you in pursuing your chosen careers."  
"I haven't got a career," James persisted, "I want to fight Voldemort."

Lily looked at him and saw a fierce, firm determination in his eyes, and realized in that moment that he had chosen his future. No class, no career brochure--no other cause had ignited the kind of passion in him that Professor Dumbledore's missions had inspired. This society would undoubtedly be an extension of what she and James had been doing all year.

"I'm in as well," said Sirius, nodding, "Full time. Whatever you need me for."

"And me," Peter added.

"Me too," Lily said softly.

James looked at her and grasped her hand.

"What if you're accepted to St Mungos?" he asked.

She shook her head. "I'll decline. We're going to do this together, like we've done all term."

"I really love you," James whispered, "You know that?"

"I do," she said, lowering her eyes to look into his.

"I want to be involved as well. But Frank and I have Auror training..." Alice said slowly, "we've already been admitted."

"We'll work around it," said Frank firmly, "In our off hours, nights, weekends. We need to be a part of this. It's the right thing to do."

Alice searched his face, then nodded her assent, squeezing his hand tightly.

"I'll do it," said Marlene, "I haven't heard back from any recruiters so far. If they call me, we'll work out a schedule. If not, I'm all yours."

"Well?" demanded Sirius, looking at Remus.

"I'm..." Remus hesitated, looking at his feet, "I'm not sure how much service I'll really be."

"Why?" Marlene demanded, "I saw you fighting today, you were brilliant."

"It's just..." Remus seemed to be unable to find words to convey his reluctance without giving anything away.

"If the invitation had not been extended to you, Mr Lupin, I would not have asked the rest of your friends in front of you," said Professor Dumbledore.

"Don't be stupid," Sirius added, bluntly.

"Well...all of my applications were bound to be declined anyway," he sighed, smiling wryly "so it isn't as though I've got anything else to do."

"We need you, Remus," Lily told him gently.

He paused, then looked up at her.

“Thank you Lily,” he told her softly, “that means a lot.”

Then he turned to Professor Dumbledore.

“I’ll do whatever I can.”

Professor Dumbledore did not look the least bit surprised that all of them had acquiesced. Lily rather suspected that he had already reviewed each of their career prospects and only asked them based on that information.

"Very good," he said to them, “The future of Order of the Phoenix looks brighter now than it did this morning.” Then he stood, bowed and swept from the room.

\--

There was another pregnant silence, which was eventually broken by James, who turned to Lily and asked brightly, "Okay, so how does this weekend sound?"

"Come again?" she asked, unsure to what he was referring.

"This weekend? I mean, I suppose we could do the weekend after if we really needed to but I'd rather not wait that long if it's all the same to you."

"Wait...what? For what?" she spluttered.

"We're getting married," he said plainly, as though she had forgotten a topic they had been speaking about only moments ago, "Our wedding."

She stared at him.

"Don't tell me you're backing out!" he cried, but he was still smiling.

Lily just gaped at him.

\--

That Saturday, as she walked down a makeshift aisle on her father's arm in James's family's backyard, the hem of her dress skimming the grass, Lily had never felt more aware of the danger and the uncertainty that lay ahead of her.

It's not bad though, really, she thought, looking into James's eyes, at his radiant smile.

And as she kissed him, as she opened her eyes and saw him for the first time as her husband, as the crowd behind them erupted into joyous cheers, she felt it deep down in her bones. All would be well.


End file.
